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Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Europe
Posts: 26
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#1
Is it not just that you develop a feeling of 'being rejected', when he ignores you, which in fact makes you email him in the hope of getting a response (and thus feeling less rejected)? You email since you hope he will respond as it would confirm for you that he cares and/or thinks about you and you would feel less 'rejected', in other words?
Not saying his lack of response should be interpreted as rejection of course. But I do recognize myself somewhat in your tendencies. I also tend to think it is a very normal response to feel rejected when someone doesn't respond to your correspondence. In fact, responding to communication is a normal part of healthy human interaction. Plenty of literature about psychology describes how ignoring someone results in feelings of rejection. I'm not sure why these therapists try to tell their clients any different, when they are upset they are ignored. And why they make it as if the client has a problem if they feel rejected when their correspondence is met with silence. (Probably since it is more convenient for them?) Either way, Laura, perhaps you experience the pain of what feels like a relationship that is onesided? If he were to respond to you regularly, showing interest in what you had written: do you think you would feel less inclined to email him at all? Or do you think it may actually lead to an increase in emails? |
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Forgetmenot07, LonesomeTonight
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
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#2
Quote:
I also think it can be helpful to develop a sense that the way others respond to us will not necessarily just be about us, and our worthiness, but about the person who may not have time or inclination to respond. I think good therapy challenges one's assumptions about meaning in the world. People can like and love you deeply but still not want to reply to your emails. Perhaps it is better to develop a robust sense of what it means to be ignored or not ignored, and to develop better coping when people don't respond as you would like them to. I don't believe that healthy communication requires anyone to reply to an email, or anything else. In the past several weeks I've discovered the freedom of blocking three people from my cell phone. All three of them wanted me to do different things for them that I didn't want to do, and I didn't want to have to get into a discussion about what I wasn't willing to do and why. In or out of therapy, nobody owes anyone a response to any kind of communication. In therapy, you are not entitled to it just because you pay for time in a session. The sort of entitlement that therapy clients have should be examined in session. So I think not receiving an email reply is a problem for the client to deal with, and not an argument that a T should reply to emails, especially when the client has not raised any discussion about whether email correspondence would be permissible (and because T's charge by the hour, whether it should be paid for). I think if a client desires email communication, s/he should ask about the parameters of that communication, not just assume and expect things without checking them out with the other person. |
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Rive., Xynesthesia2
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