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#21
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It was hard on me as well. My therapist and I didn’t email, but I’m not sure it would have been healthy for me if we did. I can only imagine if our 50 minute session leaked all over the rest of my week. (Or it could have helped... I don’t know.) Boundaries are awful and complicated. |
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SalingerEsme
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Lrad123
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
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#22
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here today, SalingerEsme
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koru_kiwi
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...............
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#23
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here today, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
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#24
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here today, starfishing
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#25
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Funny, my T once said I was the only one who emailed him like I did. I emailed him all the time to rescue me, or sometimes to connect with him, a child part wanting to play or share excitement. When he didn't email back, it felt like I didn't matter. |
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LonesomeTonight
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koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight, Lrad123
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Poohbah
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#26
How did this get resolved for you? It feels like an impasse for me. I completely understand all the logical reasons for accepting that he isn’t going to respond, but I’m just angry about it anyway. His reasons all seem like lame excuses. He’s just taking the easy way out. I see him again in less than 4 hours and I’m up in the middle of the night stewing about this. I wish I had more time before our next appointment to calm down about this because right now I’m just livid and I don’t see how I’m ever going to feel ok about this. And on top of everything I told him I wasn’t going to email him any more (so I won’t) which feels like taking away one of the tools in my toolbox.
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Anonymous56789, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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SalingerEsme
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#27
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Maybe it would help to read about people pleasing, as that is a form of dependency on others.. He's not playing into your pattern-he's being a separate person from you. Your anger is understandable. I think its easier for your T to just respond to your emails than to handle your anger and help you resolve your dependency. He's helping you grow, rather than appease you, which I think is loving. Like a parent who doesn't just give her kid candy because the child is crying about it, going on and on about it, bugging Mom. I think when you access the feelings under the anger, it will make more sense. You still have not accessed those feelings. |
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LonesomeTonight, Lrad123
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Poohbah
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#28
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Anonymous56789, Elio, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight, Louella, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
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#29
Congratulations! Hopefully, likely he'll be OK with it, unlike my T's. And all you'll need to worry about is your processing.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
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#30
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Whether or not a professional answers emails and how that works cannot be judged by what you either must do because of your job and what you choose to do. Most people on a salary I expect have to answer emails as part of their jobs; in my work I charge people for emails and I also make strategie decisions about what is better for email and better for phone that depend on the person (I work with at least one person who for ESL reasons, doesn't do well with email or phone, and I usually just stop by her house to talk to her). I make house calls and I talk to people on the phone and I sometimes email or text or write letters, but it is important that I make good judgments about what kind of communication and when it makes sense to communicate. Something I'm also teaching my teenager. Saying anyone should always answer emails no matter what profession or the demands of how different people work is wrong, the way I see it. There are good reasons outside of the profession of therapy to limit or be strategic about communication types, including email. No client is entitled to have email answered, especially when a T works on an hourly rate. |
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Rive., SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
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#31
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme, SlumberKitty
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#32
You could create like a secondary email address and send them to that. I have one I made on my internet provider that I use. Sometimes I log onto it and read them later, sometimes I don't. It's a way for me to send stuff away from myself, or something.
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight, Lrad123
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
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#33
Yeah that’s a good idea. For now I think I’ll just refrain from sending. Both yesterday and today he emphasized that our agreement has been that I can send as many emails as I want, and he will read them. It was nice of him to say that, I’m just not sure what to do with it yet. I took it as a green light to go ahead and email, but I still feel a little hurt and want to hold back to show him I don’t need this from him. That being said, I don’t necessarily feel like I need a response to every email. Sometimes I might just want to get something off my chest.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#34
Quote:
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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LonesomeTonight, Lrad123
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#35
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People who had trauma try to control their environment/people, though normally out of awareness. Your T does not engage with you, so it makes sense you may be taking actions, such as stopping the emails, to try to regain control. Just about anyone gets very angry when the other does not engage in their patterns, so your T is probably expecting you to be angry. The thing is, people don't change if they are able to control the environment. When the environment refuses to cooperate, a person has no choice but to change (or to quit therapy). Quote:
Hope the anger energy takes you to a better place. Hopefully letting out some steam will vent some of the frustration that's been building. Take care. |
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Grand Poohbah
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#36
Well, if Ts get together to complain in bewildered fashion on Reddit about not having full practices, then replying to emails from earnest clients might be wise- even if they charge for them . I have a flourishing, thriving business of my own, and I know that clients need to feel valued. If T's want to ignore email from clients, then I don't have very much sympathy if they lose the client to someone more supportive. Either that, or they need to be effective at psychoeducation, so the client comprehends why not. . .
__________________ Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck |
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LonesomeTonight
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circlesincircles, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight, stopdog
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Poohbah
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#37
That’s nice that your former T responded at least once in a while. I just think that even if you choose not to respond there are probably occasional emails that merit a response. His response was that he didn’t want to be inconsistent to which I responded that that was a cop out answer. I agree with what you said above and am still processing how I feel about it all. My T seems good when I’m with him, but when I start thinking it through I can feel hurt again.
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SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
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#38
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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Poohbah
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#39
Yes he was totally and completely expecting the anger. I’d say he was even pleased by it. I can understand and appreciate your explanations of the theory behind why he has done what he’s done, but I also can’t help but feel like he was messing with me and trying to provoke anger in me. It feels like he was playing games or like a was just a subject in a study.
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koru_kiwi, SalingerEsme
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koru_kiwi, SalingerEsme
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Grand Magnate
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#40
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