[hopealwayz]

T told me that he hasn’t been reading my emails and it makes me feel like he doesn’t care.

[MoxieDoxie]

Did he even offer to read them in session and then discuss key points? Has he discussed his email policy with you from the beginning?

[hopealwayz]

We’re still discussing the issue.

I guess I wonder if he cares at all. Not just about the emails, in general.

I want to feel like he cares but something has caused me to begin to doubt.

[Nammu]

This is your issue and your pattern. He did say no and you manipulated him into discussion of something he already said no on.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Literally about 10 days ago you posted about feeling good about your therapist, how much he cares, and being glad that he is your therapist.

What can you do to hold on to the positive view of your therapist so that you don't revert to doubting his caring? You tend to go back and forth about every week or so with these doubts, and it tends to be tied to boundaries concerning emails.

Would it be possible to maybe just write a running "email" to him and take it with you to your sessions rather than sending it? I know he said he wouldn't reply to your emails from the beginning. Then, maybe in your session you can focus on reading the parts of that "email" that continue to be issues you want to discuss in session? Maybe just having that running journal throughout the week will allow you to write down your thoughts and concerns, but it will help you in session to directly work on those issues.

[Anne2.0]

If someone told me they weren't reading my emails, I would stop emailing. I would take it as their issue, that they were not interested in that form of communication. Recently I tried Facetime with someone I love emailing with, and talking on the phone with. I hated it with a passion and won't ever do it again. The other person understood this was my issue and not a reflection of how I feel about the relationship.

I don't know why a therapy client *should* think a T will read emails. My T has never offered to read any emails I send, and I have asked if I could email for scheduling issues because playing phone tag is a pain. He said yes. He never welcomed me to send emails of any other sort. But I know he cares because he shows up to sessions and pays attention.

My accountant doesn't read emails either. If I want to talk to her I need to make an appointment. It's because most of my ridiculous questions take too much time to answer on email. She gives me one free appointment each year after tax season; any more and I need to pay for them. I don't get why you'd expect to get a professional's time without paying for it, or without explicit discussion about what could be expected in terms of reading or replying. I charge by the hour in my service business and I charge people for reading/replying to emails. Nobody bats an eye about paying. If they thought they could get me to work for them for free, I'd correct their perception. But not everyone is willing to be straight with you: I suspect he doesn't want to read your emails because he thinks they are not ultimately helpful to you or to him as your therapist. Surely you can understand that.

[hopealwayz]

What I meant about discussing emails was that I asked him if I could send him one email the night before the session and he could open it in session.

I’m not sure what the problem is. I don’t know how to get back to the feeling that he cares though.

I’ve had a rough couple of days with sobbing and thoughts of sui. I just started a new med on Wednesday and I wasn’t crying or having sui thoughts until I started that new med so that med isn’t helping at all.

And I think everyone would be better off if I were gone.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

What I meant about discussing emails was that I asked him if I could send him one email the night before the session and he could open it in session.

I’m not sure what the problem is. I don’t know how to get back to the feeling that he cares though.

I’ve had a rough couple of days with sobbing and thoughts of sui. I just started a new med on Wednesday and I wasn’t crying or having sui thoughts until I started that new med so that med isn’t helping at all.

And I think everyone would be better off if I were gone.

1. suicide is never a good answer example what do you think this treatment provider is going to do if you are gone? they will close out your case and give your time slot to someone else just simply because thats how mental agencies run their business. if they never filled the time slots of their clients that have chosen suicide or dropped them, they would be out of business. and the treatment providers would just move on to the next mental health agency with a space for another treatment provider.

my suggestion rather than sending emails the night before your appointment, write the email but dont send, leave it in your email / text draft folder then when you go to your therapy session you either read it to the therapist during your session or you hand over a copy of it during your session.

I have done this before because treatment providers dont always get paid for their emailing clients. most have to do the reading of the emails during their sessions or when they are on the clock so to speak.

emailing and keeping it rather than sending and then taking it to my sessions has worked out great any time I have done it.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

What I meant about discussing emails was that I asked him if I could send him one email the night before the session and he could open it in session.

I’m not sure what the problem is. I don’t know how to get back to the feeling that he cares though.

I’ve had a rough couple of days with sobbing and thoughts of sui. I just started a new med on Wednesday and I wasn’t crying or having sui thoughts until I started that new med so that med isn’t helping at all.

And I think everyone would be better off if I were gone.

So he's not even willing to both read and discuss the emails in session, is that what you mean? Or that he's not willing to read it before session. Could you just print the email out and bring it with you? Then either you could read it out loud to him or he could read it while you sit there.


Please contact whoever prescribed you the medication (I forget if your T also prescribes it) as soon as possible--you could be experiencing a side effect from the medication that's making you feel so bad. I had a similar effect from when I tried Effexor and then later Cymbalta, but it can happen with any antidepressant (or other types of meds as well). Ask if you should stop taking it immediately or at least start tapering down. If you keep feeling this bad, you should consider going to the ER. Stay safe

[divine1966]

If you have medication side effect or unexpected reaction, you probably need to speak to him (he is your pdoc correct?) directly face to face or over the phone as if could be an emergency. Email isn’t good for this type of issue. Call and leave a message that you are having meds side effects. Don’t wait as it is serious

As about caring... in the past you wanted therapists or other professionals to care in a very personal manner as friends or as potential romantic partners. You also asked this current t if you two can be friends.

So when you say he doesn’t care, do you mean as a doctor he doesn’t care if you are sick or healthy or you mean he doesn’t care in a more personal manner? What do you mean by “he doesn’t care”?

When you take care of your medication issue would you ever consider female doctors or therapists? Could that help? Unfortunately every therapy or other medical professionals interaction end in the same manner: you want to be more with them than client and provider, they decline, you feel they don’t care etc etc. So it all ends in a disaster.

Could you ever try at least one session with a female t? i feel it could maybe help you

All of this down to the part that no one would
Care if you were gone is your pattern. You need
To be the one to
Break it somehow.
When i was severely anorexic i did certain patterns ovet and over. At first peope wanted
To help. Then they got tired of me doing the same patterns and talking the same way for years on end. They got sick of me. Rightly so (looking back I was sick of me also.) I lost a lot of friends and relationships and help because i said and did the same things and never helped myself get over it. People couldnt solve my problems for me
Including therapists. So i ended up alone. People dont want to stick around usually when someone does the same thig for years on end. So i too thought it would be better if i was not around. When i was left with no one to help i finally helped myself. Things got better and i had better relationships. Maybe your therapist wants you to rely on you and not him.

[hopealwayz]

I’m staying with my current T. He is really good.

I’ve just been having medicine side effects but since yesterday was Sunday and today was Memorial Day, there is no one in the office so I don’t know if I should stop taking the medicine.

That new med has definitely messed with my moods.

About him caring, I know he does even when I begin to doubt.

[wonderluster]

It saddens me terribly when I realize that someone I care for does not care for me the way I would like them to.

After 1 full minute of utter despair, I say to myself, "I only have control of how I care for others".
People will think and do wtf they want and I am a fool to take their behavior personally...unless they become abusive. Then I drop them and run.

[sophiebunny]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I’m staying with my current T. He is really good.

I’ve just been having medicine side effects but since yesterday was Sunday and today was Memorial Day, there is no one in the office so I don’t know if I should stop taking the medicine.

That new med has definitely messed with my moods.

About him caring, I know he does even when I begin to doubt.

Try to hang on to this feeling. Print this post and read it every time you post negative beliefs about your therapist.

[sophiebunny]

I have an arrangement with my therapist. I can email whenever I want but she is under no obligation to respond. It's a great arrangement actually. I get to say what I need to share and I don't have an expectation of her. I ask in session if she's read an email. If she hasn't I read it to her. I have no claim on her time outside of session and I like the freedom to email in the moment when something's up for me. The email is actually for me, not for her.

[Salmon77]

About him caring, I know he does even when I begin to doubt.

This is good that you know he cares. I used to sometimes feel that my T didn't care about me but I would try to remind myself of specific things he did that made me feel cared for. Maybe it would help you to note some caring things your T has done?

Do you feel that he doesn't care about you because he did not agree to have a personal relationship with you in the future? In other words, you want him to care about you as if you were his friend or family member?

[tomatenoir]

Originally Posted by wonderluster

It saddens me terribly when I realize that someone I care for does not care for me the way I would like them to.

After 1 full minute of utter despair, I say to myself, "I only have control of how I care for others".
People will think and do wtf they want and I am a fool to take their behavior personally...unless they become abusive. Then I drop them and run.

I agree that learning someone doesn't care about you in the way you want is one of the hardest things.

I'm 35, have known this for ten years, and it's still a trap I fall into.

I usually just move on when people can't be bothered -- I've never forced someone into caring.

[Under*Over]

I know youll hate me saying this but you really seem like the stereotype for borderline personality disorder.

Im REALLY not saying this to be mean, but your overwhelming need for attachment at all costs, your splitting view of people as either all bad or all good depending on how they react to you, and your difficulty respecting boundries... it all points sooo strongly to borderline personality disorder.

Im REALLY not saying this to be mean. I have a friend Im currently trying to help who has borderline personality disorder and Im trying to get her to try DBT therapists. They can REALLY be helpful with sorting out these kinds of feelings.

Theres nothing bad about this diagnosis- I know someone who is one of the most upstanding people I know- a VERY good person- who has treated BPD.

I mean, look at yourself. Cant you see the patterns here? You might not want to see them but... even reading a handful of your threads... I would be absolutely shocked if- after seeing a good therapist- a competent therapist, on a regular basis, (not a psychiatrist whose job really is- medication mostly- but someone who does frequent talk therapy with you) - you were NOT diagnosed with this.

Im not saying that this is all you have but... I would feel horrible not saying how blatant these patterns are for you since I KNOW this condition can be very treatable and that your quality of life could really improve if you also addressed this

Originally Posted by Under*Over

I know youll hate me saying this but you really seem like the stereotype for borderline personality disorder.

Im REALLY not saying this to be mean, but your overwhelming need for attachment at all costs, your splitting view of people as either all bad or all good depending on how they react to you, and your difficulty respecting boundries... it all points sooo strongly to borderline personality disorder.

Im REALLY not saying this to be mean. I have a friend Im currently trying to help who has borderline personality disorder and Im trying to get her to try DBT therapists. They can REALLY be helpful with sorting out these kinds of feelings.

Theres nothing bad about this diagnosis- I know someone who is one of the most upstanding people I know- a VERY good person- who has treated BPD.

I mean, look at yourself. Cant you see the patterns here? You might not want to see them but... even reading a handful of your threads... I would be absolutely shocked if- after seeing a good therapist- a competent therapist, on a regular basis, (not a psychiatrist whose job really is- medication mostly- but someone who does frequent talk therapy with you) - you were NOT diagnosed with this.

Im not saying that this is all you have but... I would feel horrible not saying how blatant these patterns are for you since I KNOW this condition can be very treatable and that your quality of life could really improve if you also addressed this

I've read all of your threads on here Hope, and I think the above poster expressed what I think is most likely going on. BPD is treatable. I have a best friend with it. She was diagnosed in college and manages it well. But she did the specific treatments.

People with BPD often have a hard time learning from their own patterns because of biological stress/memory components.