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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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May 29, 2019 at 05:56 PM
#1
The one thing my T has NEVER done is just check in on my between sessions. He answers my emails if I email him and will get back to me if I call him which I never have called him. I do, I do wish he would check in especially if he knows from session that I am having a rough time.
This attachment stuff is real rough. All week I have been trying to pretend he does not exist and I only have myself to rely on again. It has been very sad. I have felt so much grief. Uggh... __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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 Anonymous45127, SalingerEsme
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
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May 29, 2019 at 06:03 PM
#2
No they did not. I would not have welcomed such an intrusion.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
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May 29, 2019 at 06:05 PM
#3
No, even my wonderful, marvelous, awesome former T didn't do this. She would call me back if I called her or she would email or text me if I contacted her that way, but it was always me first. Never her just checking up on me. Part of me wishes she had though.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Anonymous45127, MoxieDoxie, SalingerEsme
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May 29, 2019 at 06:24 PM
#4
No, though I always found a lack of checking to be incredibly painful especially when I’ve walked out crying.
I understand why most don’t. I think if she had ‘selectively’ checked on me it would have driven subconscious behaviors - for example recklessly diving in too deep knowing she’d call, text or email. I could also foresee problems if she forgot to check, and all the associated ‘uncaring’ feelings. I think the safe, consistent response is not to check and wait for a client to reach out. As painful and hard as that may be. |
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Anonymous45127, MoxieDoxie
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
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May 29, 2019 at 06:27 PM
#5
No. I step out of her office and off her radar. And she doesn't welcome outside contact initiated by me.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,788
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May 29, 2019 at 06:32 PM
#6
Yes, on very rare occasions, but usually they had indicated they would probably do so, so it wasn't that much of a surprise.
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Member
Member Since Oct 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 264
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May 29, 2019 at 06:46 PM
#7
She’s never checked in, but if I cancelled all future sessions (I’m booked months in advance), she will email to try and see what’s up. Which I appreciate.
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
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May 29, 2019 at 06:50 PM
#8
Mine doesn’t email, but he said if I ever no-show he would send an email.
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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May 29, 2019 at 06:50 PM
#9
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 210
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May 29, 2019 at 07:18 PM
#10
No, my T does not initiate out-of-session contact except if there's a scheduling issue.
That said, when I'm having a hard time she will often suggest we schedule a time for me to call her to check in mid-week. She's currently on vacation for 3 weeks, but she offered that we could keep in touch over WhatsApp while she's gone. It's still on me to make first contact, but she was the one to invite it. |
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Anonymous45127
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May 29, 2019 at 07:21 PM
#11
Yes, especially if she knows there is something hard for me going on.
However, we text each other any way for instance just to say good morning or good night or when either of us is doing something unusual. |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 70
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May 29, 2019 at 07:40 PM
#12
No and God help him if he ever decides to do so. Poor guy would never be able to get rid of me.
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Anonymous45127
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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May 29, 2019 at 07:42 PM
#13
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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Anonymous45127
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
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May 29, 2019 at 08:15 PM
#14
Only once very early on when she cancelled on me due to illness and I choose not to call the clinic back to schedule a new appointment. She will call me if I ask her to call me. She's also called in response to an email. Yes there are times I wish she'd call me. Most the time it's good/ok that she doesn't. Every now and then though I do wish she'd initiate contact (again). She used to put a note to me in an after visit summary when she was at the clinic. In a way, that felt like she was initiating contact. I believe it helped considerably at that time - it made me feel like I wasn't the only one trying to build the attachment bridge. It's harder for me without those messages.
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Anonymous45127
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
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May 29, 2019 at 08:50 PM
#15
No, though she Is responsive to me if I'm having a bad time and reach out.
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
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May 29, 2019 at 08:55 PM
#16
No, but he's said (in response to my asking) if I no-showed a session, he would reach out to me to see if I was OK and what's going on, particularly because I've been very reliable. He's very consistent in replying to my emails, but I doubt, aside from the no-show scenario, that he'd ever contact me without my contacting him first, just based on his boundaries.
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Anonymous45127
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Young Butterfly
Member Since Jan 2012
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May 29, 2019 at 10:08 PM
#17
Yes, just a couple of times and only when I have been in a really bad place with my SI.
__________________ "You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
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Member
Member Since May 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 303
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May 29, 2019 at 11:05 PM
#18
Once, after a particularly tough session. But that was definitely the exception. Do I wish she would check in? Definitely, but I also know it's contingent on me to let her know if I'm struggling. Her consistent responsiveness to my reaching out has been really important.
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 509
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May 30, 2019 at 12:40 AM
#19
No. I have had my moments of protest with this, but still no. She does welcome and answers all contact initiated by me.
Last edited by elisewin; May 30, 2019 at 01:46 AM.. |
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May 30, 2019 at 01:07 AM
#20
No, she has never checked in with me like that. She only calls back when I call the clinic asking to speak to her. There's also limits on how often I can call between sessions.
I know she has initiated a phone call with another client, because that person told me (unsolicited) about it. |
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