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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
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#1
I’ve heard that it’s more common for people to cancel or to think about canceling immediately before or after their T’s vacation. I definitely do this and I think my reason is that I want to show myself that I’m in control. I did fine-ish during his absence but I’m scheduled to see him tomorrow and I have moments were I feel like I might explode with pent up anticipation. I hate that feeling and I’d like it to stop. I know it’s immature but my instinct is to want to not show up to show that I’m in control, I think. Anyone else experience something similar?
Last edited by Lrad123; Jun 25, 2019 at 12:34 PM.. |
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
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#2
I never actually do it, but I nearly always think about ghosting or cancelling. T returns from a break tomorrow and I don't want to go. But I do. It is horrible and I go through it so much.
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
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#3
Do you talk to him about that? I’m trying to decide if it’s worth talking about (again) or if I should just muster through the discomfort and maybe it’ll get better on it’s own. The wanting to not go is such anguish because I also want to go.
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
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#4
No. I would be disturbed if I felt like depriving myself of something I would otherwise participate in based off of something like somebody going on vacation. That is not a criticism of the impulse. I just mean that I wouldn't like it if somebody going on vacation indirectly led to me unnecessarily depriving myself. If I actually acted on the impulse, it would probably confirm my suspicion that I am impotent, rather than make me feel empowered. In this sort of situation, I tend to disregard any emotional turmoil I feel and carry on as normal. I guess that makes me feel more in control than if I allowed emotions that I don't like to have a say in my actions. I don't know if that's the "right" thing to do, or if there is a "right" thing to do. But that's what I do.
On a somewhat related note (maybe?), sometimes I think I want to act out to show the therapist she can't control me. When I act out, it is not of the cancelling or no-showing type (but it is definitely acting out, 95% of the time). Sometimes, it is very difficult to resist the temptation. Sometimes I give in. Sometimes I don't even try to resist and gleefully do whatever it is I am going to do. The balance of power is restored, although it comes at a cost. I guess the question that matters here is whether the cost (missing a session) is worth what you gain (feeling more in control, maybe showing something to the therapist - unclear on that). __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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SalingerEsme
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
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#5
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SalingerEsme
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Always in This Twilight
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Location: US
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#6
Instead of canceling, I apparently just send my T pathetic, needy emails about how I'm anxious about his vacation.
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Lrad123, SalingerEsme, Spirit of Trees
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Lrad123
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
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#7
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
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#8
It's not playing games, it's just trying to protect yourself. In family systems therapy it could be explained like this: the therapist going away triggered feelings of abandonment or rejection in a hurt child part. A protector steps in to guard the child by not-needing. It takes charge by wanting to reject the therapist to stave off the feelings of the abandoned child. But, while it soothes the child in the moment, when the session is missed it makes the hurt child feel even worse - now not only perceiving abandonment from the therapist but by the self as well!
Look after the child, I say. Even though missing the session will help the protector feel more in control and in charge of the situation, it will hurt the child part more. ETA: we don't feel like cancelling sessions when the therapist goes away. We make extra sure to deliver the child parts to therapy on time instead, so they can make maximum use out of the time that is available. |
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, Lrad123, SalingerEsme, susannahsays
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#9
No, I don't have a slightest urge to do that. Those are pretty much the most awaited sessions, otherwise the break would be even longer.
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Lonelyinmyheart, SalingerEsme
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
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#10
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SalingerEsme
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
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#11
I know, I know. But a part of me feels like I will be stronger if I prove that I can extend the break by my own free will - even if it’s painful.
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elisewin
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#12
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It's much harder to deal with that when the adult self *knows* that but is overwhelmed or hijacked by the internal drives of the child part and the protector part. |
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SalingerEsme
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LonesomeTonight, Lrad123
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
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#13
Do you think a psychodynamic therapist would talk in terms of IFS or something similar? Because haven’t yet, but breakout down in this way (into parts) seems like it might be easier for me. I guess I’m asking if psychodynamic therapy and IFS are compatible or are they separate?
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SalingerEsme
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SalingerEsme
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Magnate
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#14
No way. Why would I do that? I'd only be punishing me by depriving myself of T for a longer time period.
It's like cutting your nose to spite your face. No benefits in doing that. |
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SalingerEsme
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Magnate
Member Since Aug 2014
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#15
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and same when she got back. I went to both but yeah the urge was there and I doubt we are alone. |
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SalingerEsme
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Lrad123
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Grand Magnate
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#16
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__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
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#17
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Lrad123
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
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#18
Yeah, I find it useful to talk about it all. I talk about that paradox of wanting to be there and not wanting to be there too.
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Lrad123
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
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#19
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
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#20
I tried talking about parts today with respect to my therapy ambivalence and my therapist was receptive, but not very helpful in explaining things or elaborating on things I said. I think the folks on PC explain it much better. Now I’m left sort of wishing I had slept in instead of going to my early morning therapy session. Blah.
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Elio, LonesomeTonight
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