[tgwwtl3]

Not sure if something like this already exists or not.....Sorry if this is a repeat!

I have tried therapy in the past with different therapists and feel like I haven't ever connected well with any of them. I have a hard time opening up about things which is probably why I have had so much trouble with therapy in the past, but recent events have me thinking I should give it another try even though I'm reluctant. Does anyone have any tips or tricks on finding a therapist or are there alternatives to talk therapy that worked well for you? Kinda at a loss and any insight is welcome and appreciated

[Echos Myron redux]

I was lucky because my T has a book, and I read the free sample on kindle before I met him. It meant I already had an idea of his values and personality.

[Omers]

I spent 20+ years in therapy with the wrong therapists and it sucks! My current T is awesome. I was scared when I read his profile on the licensing organizations web page but something kept bugging me about it. I am wary of men and a lot of his training is in styles of therapy that really scare me (experiential, drama, humanistic...). Not ten minutes into the initial consultation meeting I was begging him to please give me a chance to work with him... which we both found odd, he would not have met me if he wasn’t going to take me on and I am usually cocky, arrogant, aloof, alpha B* when I meet someone new. Honestly after just a few minutes it was like seeing a good friend I hadn’t seen in a while. So far he has been totally awesome, is doing great work with me and it is a totally different experience than ever before.

So... my biggest bit of advice, don’t settle for less than awesome. There are a ton of T’s out there of all different kinds. Interview several and if they aren’t awesome then interview some more. You can always go back to one you interviewed but weren’t sure about and told you had some others to talk to first... you can’t get all the time and money wasted on a bad T back.

[Wren_]

I think sometimes it can just take time and trying different things. I worked out what I thought I wanted, tried that and it was all wrong .... then tried something the opposite to what I’d originally thought and it’s working. My best tip is keep searching, you are worth finding a therapist that’s a good match for you

[tgwwtl3]

Thanks for all of the awesome responses guys! This really helps!! Do you guys have any things you consider red flags to look out for? I know it's probably based on the individual, but I haven't seeked out a T on my own before, it's always been someone I was told to go to. I've always been hesitant of therapy and still am if I'm being honest, but I think its my only option at this point.

[Omers]

Just like meeting any other new person trust your gut. If your gut says no or even “eh” then move on. The relationship between you and your T is the #1 indicator of growth in therapy more than any other factor.
Some red flags I have run into (just my biased experience):

They call themselves eclectic and can’t elaborate
Does how they set up your office make you uncomfortable.
They dodge your questions rather than answering them or giving a reason for not answering

[downandlonely]

I find support groups more helpful than individual therapy. You might want to give those a try.

[comrademoomoo]

If you are faint-hearted, don't choose the one who looks like the one for whom you might fall in love.

[tgwwtl3]

Originally Posted by Omers

Just like meeting any other new person trust your gut. If your gut says no or even “eh” then move on. The relationship between you and your T is the #1 indicator of growth in therapy more than any other factor.
Some red flags I have run into (just my biased experience):

They call themselves eclectic and can’t elaborate
Does how they set up your office make you uncomfortable.
They dodge your questions rather than answering them or giving a reason for not answering

This is really helpful! Thank you!

[nottrustin]

For me, what has worked best is to get referrals from people that know me. I have had two amazing therapists and both were referred by my other providers.

my orher piece of advice is to be a little flexible. when I decided to look into EMDR my criteria was: a female wo qas local older than me by at least 15 years, not somebody I had worked qith or dealt with on any type of basis. i ended uo with simbody about 45 minutes away and 7 years younger. while there are some areaa she hasn't dealt with personally, she is an amazing therapist and we have accomplished together.

[Spirit of Trees]

I was fortunate enough to have friends who could suggest clinics/therapists they found helpful. I also asked about where to find therapists in my area with my GP.

[susannahsays]

C went on psychology today and picked one that met the requirements. Therapists all write horrible spiels about themselves, but I guess the one she picked was the least horrible or something.

[hopealwayz]

I wasted several years and even became worse due to the wrong therapists.

Don’t give up and if you feel that something is off at the beginning, listen to your feelings.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

C went on psychology today and picked one that met the requirements. Therapists all write horrible spiels about themselves, but I guess the one she picked was the least horrible or something.

Yep, that's how I picked ex-T and current T from a Psychology Today search. I emailed a couple that sounded not horrible, and they were each the ones who got back to me with the earliest appointment. T got back to me almost immediately, like he was staring at his email hoping someone would contact him for a session when I wrote him. Looking at their websites can also give a sense of who they are. I just had this feeling about him, even though his specialties don't apply to me. And so far, he's been really helpful (though there have been bumps in the road)--so like Omers said, trust your gut.

What's kind of funny is, out of curiosity, I looked in the Internet Archive/Wayback Machine to see if my T had previous versions of his professional website. I found that the first few years he was in private solo practice, he had this quote on there that would have completely turned me off to him. Like it sounded way too positive and cheesy. I probably wouldn't have gone to see him had I seen that, so it's good he removed it! I wonder if others said something negative about it, too?

ETA: Also, maybe this is just something about my area, but over half of the PT entries start with a bunch of questions, like, "Have you been struggling lately? Are you ready to make a change?" I tended to eliminate those. I'm an editor by trade, so I was probably extra critical of those with major grammatical errors, too. And T is a really good writer (evident in his emails to me), and ex-T got her bachelor's in English. I was referred to my former marriage counselor by ex-T (same practice), and if I'd gone just by his description on the practice website, I'd have likely avoided him because it has so many grammatical errors. In retrospect, maybe I should have just avoided him...

[tgwwtl3]

Thanks everyone! This really helps!

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Also, maybe this is just something about my area, but over half of the PT entries start with a bunch of questions, like, "Have you been struggling lately? Are you ready to make a change?".

Omg I hated those types of entries. Could actually weed a bunch out based on this though. Found mine in Psychology Today also, and looked at links to their webpages too. In the end I only emailed one and have stuck with him.

[susannahsays]

Therapists are incapable of making themselves actually sound appealing from what I've seen. The best they can do is have a reasonable picture (it should not be blurry, have other people in it, or look like it was taken during a night out) and not sound too tacky and like an infomercial.

[nottrustin]

i have never used PT to find a T. T never had a profile in there. With Emdr T psych np told me that EMDR T would be going into private practice and she would have a profile on PT so to keep an eye out for her contact info. I would never have picked her from her profile. I thought her write up sounded like she would be fake and cold. I trusted psych np enough to give her a try. Thankfully, she is is not even close to fake or cold