[Omers]

T knows I don’t have a lot of supports currently. One of the things he has done is have me pick symbols of people I have identified as supports (past or present) and has me put them near my chair when we talk. It creeped me out at first but then has become very comforting...
But, now it is an every session thing and I have things I hope to talk about but I don’t want anyone else in the room... even symbolically. I sent T an email asking him not to push the symbols this week if I don’t do them... but now it seems creepy and strange... like I asked him to be alone with me in a creepy way.

I guess I am just looking for reassurance that it is totally normal and OK to be alone with T and not have anyone else in the room even symbolically.

No other T has ever done anything like this with me and this T has only been doing it a couple months... so I don’t know why it already feels shameful to want to be alone with him. There are no sexual feelings towards him so it isn’t that.

I think I sorta understand. L has this drawing on the wall in her office, I think it's super creepy and I really don't like it, it used to hang next to the door so I could see it too easily from my spot on the couch. It felt like she was there in the room "watching". And the weird mouth on the woman in the drawing that so creeps me out, makes me feel like she's reacting to what we're talking about. I know how that sounds, a drawing reacting... anyway. I always wanted to cover it with a piece of paper as soon as I walked in but I never did. So last week I noticed that creepy woman is now on the wall directly to the right of the couch (so even closer to me! but at least I don't see her unless I purposely look over that way which I don't) and I really feel like she's "watching" me now. I still haven't said anything to L about how much I hate it. I don't know why I'm not. I really don't like where creepy woman is now. At all. It's distracting. A paranoid part of me wants to think she did it on purpose but she doesn't know how much I hate that drawing so of course she didn't do anything on purpose.

I think when I go back after her vacation I'm going to say something. Now that I know I'm not the only one who feels like something in t's office is another presence. Thank you for sharing that.

[Omers]

That would creep me out too @ArtieSwimsOn. There is only one picture in T’s office with people in it. Thankfully it is too small to make out faces and it is on the far other side of his office (he has a really big office) and behind me. A picture of a person would freak me out too.
I am feeling like less of a freak now for saying I didn’t want anyone else in the room even symbolically. Thanks!

[LostOnTheTrail]

I totally get it, Omers. For a while when I first started talking about hard stuff, I had a picture of Chris (my departed best friend) on the table next to me as I spoke. As R and I got deeper into the conversations, I decided that I couldn't deal with having Chris 'in the room'.

[nottrustin]

It all seems really creepy to me to have extra people in the room even symbolically. At times when I apologize for talking about T a lot, Emdr T does say T is always welcome in the room.

[susannahsays]

I lean way more towards the literal than the symbolic, so I maybe can't exactly comprehend your feelings in this scenario. However, I don't think you are being some sort of strange creep for asking to be alone, symbolically or not, with the therapist.

I think you have mentioned before that you have some sort of issue around expressing needs. Maybe that's showing up here, and that's what the shame is about.