[goatee]

Just wondering about crying in front of a therapist – if you do and you have never cried in front of them before and you’re not the kind of person who ever cries in front of anybody, what have you said to your therapist? Have you apologized? Have you explained that you are not a crier and that this is out of the ordinary for you? Just wondering because I’m getting scared that I’m going to cry in front of her and I don’t know how I’ll handle it... I know crying in front of a therapist is totally acceptable and maybe even a good thing, but I’m just wondering how other people have dealt with the awkwardness of the moment, especially the first time. Thanks.

I never cried in front of people.
My first session with T it happened.
I think I said "i hope this makes you feel happy. It'll never happen again"

Oh how I laugh now at that person I once was.

[autonoe]

I've never cried in front of my therapist. I hate crying in front of people and if I feel like it might happen in a session, I usually change the subject. Obviously this is something I should probably work on since he's paid to deal with that. I don't even know how it would be to cry in front of my therapist or how he acts around people who cry with him.

[Elio]

I'm a crier, it's one thing I dislike about myself. I do say sorry and feel bad that the other person has to take the brunt of my tears. Granted this comes from years of being told directly and indirectly that crying was a bad thing, and I was somehow wrong to be crying at whatever I was crying about.

One thing that is really awkward for me is that my T doesn't automatically provide me with tissue. So, one thing to also think through is how would you like your T to respond to your tears? Can you talk to them about that want? I have let my T know how it impacts me through my journal, but we have not talked about it in person, so nothing has changed.

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by goatee

Just wondering about crying in front of a therapist – if you do and you have never cried in front of them before and you’re not the kind of person who ever cries in front of anybody, what have you said to your therapist? Have you apologized? Have you explained that you are not a crier and that this is out of the ordinary for you? Just wondering because I’m getting scared that I’m going to cry in front of her and I don’t know how I’ll handle it... I know crying in front of a therapist is totally acceptable and maybe even a good thing, but I’m just wondering how other people have dealt with the awkwardness of the moment, especially the first time. Thanks.

The last time I saw a therapist she pointed to a large box of tissue on the small table between us and informed me that she went through many of those boxes each and every day. (She would toss the used ones between clients).

Personally I cried regularly in therapy if something touched me deeply. If that happens, I think it's a sign you're getting somewhere.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I don't think I cried in therapy until probably 4 or 5 years into it. Once I did, it was a bit like the floodgates opened; lots of tears and snot. LOL! It was actually a relief, even if at first feeling mortifying. If and when it happens, it will be fine. Try not to spend too much time worrying about it.

Originally Posted by goatee

Just wondering about crying in front of a therapist – if you do and you have never cried in front of them before and you’re not the kind of person who ever cries in front of anybody, what have you said to your therapist? Have you apologized? Have you explained that you are not a crier and that this is out of the ordinary for you? Just wondering because I’m getting scared that I’m going to cry in front of her and I don’t know how I’ll handle it... I know crying in front of a therapist is totally acceptable and maybe even a good thing, but I’m just wondering how other people have dealt with the awkwardness of the moment, especially the first time. Thanks.

In regards to apologizing, there would be nothing to apologize for. I don't cry much, but when I do, it tends to be in facing something very difficult.* What would be the point of therapy if our feelings were not part of it? Reactions/feelings/behaviors etc., that's what it's all about. And sometimes they're hard. If we don't face these things, they can't get better. Crying is pretty much irrelevant really. It's just a side product sometimes. What's important is the dealing with things. It would be far too easy to avoid what needs attention over worrying about crying. I've never seen an office without tissues. It's just par for the course. Any T would be totally used to it. So nothing awkward from their end. Just focus on what needs dealing with, if you happen to cry, so be it. It's ok.

(*I also get tearful over other people crying due to high empathy. Even fictional situations. But other than that, not so much.)

[susannahsays]

I wouldn't apologize. I wouldn't address it at all, and if the therapist made a big thing out of it, that would annoy me.

[LonesomeTonight]

I often cry in therapy. I've joked with my T about being on the platinum plan for unlimited tissues. Still, I do apologize for it sometimes, like if I'm crying so hard I have trouble speaking. Or a few weeks ago,when I was crying as I paid and we were saying goodbye. He said that it doesn't bother him, that I don't have to apologize. To which I said, "Yeah, I guess if it bothers you, you picked the wrong profession." I've apologized to my former marriage counselor before for the crying and being unable to answer his question, and his saying "It's OK" in a really caring voice felt really healing to me. My mom gave me the message as a kid that I shouldn't show negative emotions--sadness, anger, etc. To the point that if I got in trouble and cried about it, I got in more trouble for crying. So then it would be in my head that if I cried at, say, work, or in front of a fairly new boyfriend, I'd ruined everything. So it's a big deal that I can just cry in front of someone, like my T, and it's OK and they're not going to shame or reject me for it.

[stopdog]

I never cried near a therapist. It just never came up. There was no reason for me to cry.

[nottrustin]

it took me a long time to cry in therapy. There were mamy times I had a huge urge to cry but just couldn't. I struggle with feeling and expressing emotions. I have apologized and they always tell me there is no need to apologize nexause crying is heathy. We are actually working on me allowing emotioms without automatically shutting down.

This week a cried a little. As we were standing up at the end of my appointment. We started joking about it. She said something, in her joking voice, like "after appointments I think to myself I say yes I made her cry". We bantered back and fortha bit and she said she was only joking yjat is never the goal because when I cry we have really dug deep and I am in a lot of pain.

I think both of my teens are happy I trust them enough to ne that vulnerable.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've cried many times in front of T, but never in front of L. However, I have cried on the phone with L lots of times, so she knows I'm a crier. I even tell her in my email when I'm crying.

[Omers]

I only angry cry in front of people. I did tear up with current T once so far. He reached out and gently touched my hand. He made me feel very loved and supported and less afraid to be emotional in the future.

[MatBell]

I don’t apologize or explain. It mosly catches me off guard when it happens. My t gets extra attentive when it happens.

[SlumberKitty]

I only cried with former T on our last session. It was on the telephone. I cried the whole time and couldn't stop. It was horrible. I've teared up a few times with current T but never cried. I just blame it on allergies for my eyes getting moist.

[CharlieStarDust]

I cried once - 7 years in. I didn’t apologize - didn’t see a need for it.
She handled it well - gave me space, nudged a box of tissues in my direction. I felt pretty relieved after.

[autonoe]

I am thankful for this thread. I have been seeing my therapist for a long time and feel like it would be extremely awkward to cry because I never have. But seeing that some of you took years to cry in therapy and that it was okay, makes me feel better about it. The fear of crying in front of others is a big reason I don't go into more depth in therapy.

[nottrustin]

I have discussed vrying with both Ts multiple times. I hate crying in front of people..actually at all. Not crying is so automatic for me that the Emdr T can tell when I am on yhe verge of crying but I take a breath and my demeanor changes. We discuss where my fear of crying is rooted.

[weaverbeaver]

I cry all the time in front of my t. I am a very emotional person so crying is not an issue. My t just sits there and tells me to let it out.

[nicoleflynn]

You should never feel ashamed of showing your emotions (crying), and no reason to apologize.

[SheHulk07]

I hate crying in front of anyone, and my T isn't an exception. Usually I tear up and stop myself from actually crying, but there's been a few times in the year I've been seeing him that I've cried. I always apologize and stop myself. We've talked many times about my fear of crying and he tries to tell me it's okay to cry in a safe space.

[Spirit of Trees]

I have cried in front of current T, but it took me more than half a year for it to happen. I also have a lot of shame about crying, but it was a relief being able to in her presence. Often I talk about things that end up with me in tears, so yeah. My T handles it well and she's calm, which is what I need.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by autonoe

I am thankful for this thread. I have been seeing my therapist for a long time and feel like it would be extremely awkward to cry because I never have. But seeing that some of you took years to cry in therapy and that it was okay, makes me feel better about it. The fear of crying in front of others is a big reason I don't go into more depth in therapy.

Have you mentioned that fear to T?? I have dicussed why I am uncomfortable crying in front of people and what crying means to me. It is through working through my fears and discomfort that I am very gradually getting to the point I am able to release some of my emotions

[autonoe]

I've never talked to him about it because I'm afraid I will start crying. Yes, it's ridiculous. But I'm getting to the point where it's a necessity if I'm going to continue to see him. We're rehashing a lot of the same things from week to week because I'm not allowing myself to discuss anything that could end with me in a puddle of tears, and there's so much that could put me in that situation.

[precaryous]

I cry all the time in therapy, it seems. It’s nothing I can help so I don’t apologize for it.