[Lrad123]

I’m guessing many want even more time with their T than they currently have, so would never do that, but have any of you made the choice to leave a session before it was over? If so, was it because you were angry? Felt misunderstood? Anxious? Bored? How early did you leave? Did you storm out? Or did you just excuse yourself and leave quietly? How did it go with your T after that? If you haven’t done this, have you ever wanted to?

[stopdog]

Yes. I stood up, tossed money at her, and left. It was not a big deal. I don't think the woman ever mentioned it

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Yes. I stood up, tossed money at her, and left. It was not a big deal. I don't think the woman ever mentioned it

Can I ask why you left? I’m assuming you had a reason. Seems odd to me that she (or you) never brought it up.

[SummerTime12]

I stepped out for a bit once, but then I came back. I was feeling overwhelmed and crying and had to get out. There have been other times where I’ll try to leave towards the end (but before we’ve wrapped things up) and he’ll be like “hold on, don’t go yet,” and I just feel like running out the door but I stay put...

[Elio]

many times I get to not wanting to be there but I don't leave. There's been only one time I did leave. I was mad/rage. It wasn't at or about T. Still I wanted to hurt/attack her. I needed to go. I said I had to go. She scooted back and said ok. It was towards the end of a session. We'd talked quite a bit about my anger and my belief she couldn't handle it and not wanting her to see it because if she reacted in a way that left me feeling like she was scared, it would be worse than me controlling myself. After I calmed down, I returned and asked if we were ok. She reassured me that we were and that she still cared about me.

I don't recall if we talked about it directly very much. I have the feeling that it's been talked about here and there over the years since.

Now, I often tell her when the voices in my head start repeating that I don't want to be here or if there's an urge to leave. It's information for her to know that my stress has escalated.

[susannahsays]

I wanted to, but I felt glued to my seat. I was feeling really depressed and I think that caused my inertia. I remember staring in front of me at the door and trying to will myself to stand up. If I had left, I guess it would have been storming out, sort of. I mean, I wouldn't have been loud about it, yelled at the therapist, or slammed the door or anything.

As for why, I felt she was being rather unkind and that wasn't something I needed. I was having a lot of trouble getting started because I felt so depressed. She asked me why I had come if I wasn't going to talk. This was maybe 5 minutes into the session. I don't remember what I had said so far, but it was very little and I had just become silent. Maybe that's what some people call "misattunement." I call it being an asshole. I didn't reply to that question. It pissed me off. I was trying to make an effort by coming to my session even though I wanted to wallow in bed. Also, I didn't want to have to pay more than my copay - and if I just cancelled because I didn't feel like coming, it seems reasonable that she would charge the cancellation fee. I don't really have any money to spare. I can barely afford the copays.

Anyway, that question sent me even further into silence. I wanted to get up and tell her she was right, I shouldn't have come. I know that's not what she actually said, but I was so depressed that I didn't have the energy to confront her about how she was coming across as impatient and irritable at me for not feeling great that day. So, in my depression, my fantasy was of making snide, passive aggressive comments as I left.

Then she compounded her error by asking me if C could be there instead of me since I didn't want to talk. This hurt my feelings and was also a stupid thing to ask. She would never ask the same of C. And I also feel, looking back, that she should have been more interested in what was going on with me that I was so unlike my self. Or maybe interested isn't the right word, since I guess she did want me to talk. It just felt like she was really quick to give up. I wasn't trying to be difficult. I just felt really bad. And she didn't seem to care. I don't mean care in a personal way - I don't expect that - but she didn't even care as the therapist that day.

So yeah, I wanted to leave.

[Lrad123]

We usually end at exactly 50 minutes and we both sort of subtly acknowledge that our time is up. Last week I just didn’t feel like waiting for it to hit the exact 50 minute mark and it was during a moment of silence anyway. So I guess we just skipped our usual subtle ending because I stood up and said “I’m gonna be a rebel and leave with 2 minutes left.” That’s about as rebellious as I get which isn’t much, but it felt different. I’m not sure why I did that. I’m trying to figure out if I’m upset about the vacation he took last week, but I certainly wasn’t upset on a conscious level..

[JaneTennison1]

I left but came back after T2 insulted me. With current T I have left 5 minutes ealy, upset. She never really says anything. I figure she appreciates the money for less work.

[feileacan]

I have stormed out angrily several (many?) times. I have had all the intentions to leave but never been able to.

When I stormed out the first time and was just standing/waiting behind the door, I heard the T packing up his stuff and preparing to leave (I was the last session before his lunch) through the other door. Then I just stormed back in and inquired where he thought he was going during my session time. Next time he already knew that I was probably coming back in. I think the longest it has taken me to go back in was ca 5 minutes. Not that things were immediately calm then and few times I managed him to beg me to come back in, too.

Now when I think about it, it hasn't happened for a while - maybe a year? Nowadays I'm able to say when I have the feeling of leaving and instead of acting out we can actually talk about it.

[Salmon77]

A couple times it's felt like we ran out of conversation with 5 minutes left, when there isn't enough time to start a new topic, so I've left a little early then. But not in anger or anything.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

A couple times it's felt like we ran out of conversation with 5 minutes left, when there isn't enough time to start a new topic, so I've left a little early then. But not in anger or anything.

Yeah, I think this is maybe what I did. No sense in sticking around if there isn’t time to start a new topic.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Haven't actually done it, but wanted to once. This was with a T who regularly made me feel very angry. Looking back, she was defensive a lot of the time because I wanted more from her than she could cope with. She projected a lot of her stuff onto me as she wouldn't own it, and it made me feel hysterical at times. She wasn't listening to me so I said it was all pointless and I would go. I got to my feet and everything, but this shook T up and she asked me to sit down and discuss it. I stopped seeing her in the end though as I think I pressed on too many of her unresolved issues and we weren't a good match.

[MoxieDoxie]

Yes I walked out. I asked him to stop the conversations he was on he did for just a little bit but then started back up again. I let him rambled and then got up and left. The conversation we were on was causing me to dissociate. We had talked about me telling him to stop when I felt that coming on so the first time I tell him to stop he does not stop.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

We usually end at exactly 50 minutes and we both sort of subtly acknowledge that our time is up. Last week I just didn’t feel like waiting for it to hit the exact 50 minute mark and it was during a moment of silence anyway. So I guess we just skipped our usual subtle ending because I stood up and said “I’m gonna be a rebel and leave with 2 minutes left.” That’s about as rebellious as I get which isn’t much, but it felt different. I’m not sure why I did that. I’m trying to figure out if I’m upset about the vacation he took last week, but I certainly wasn’t upset on a conscious level..

My T has a more flexible time on leaving so this type of dilemma wouldn't come up in the sense of trying to fill the last few mins. Most the time I go right up to if not a min over the 60 min mark. Short of times where it was intentional for me to stay later, I think I've left as early as 8 mins before the hour and 4 mins after the hour.

Your choice of words is interesting, do you think that has anything to do with it feeling different? Was there any reason you didn't simply start your typical wrapping up process?

[ScarletPimpernel]

With T and L, I've never left early even if there's only a few minutes left and either nothing to say or too little time for a new topic. Usually, I'll just find something little like my plans for the week.

With ex-T, I stormed out twice. First time I don't remember why, but I was crying. Didn't make it very far, just outside the main office. H was there and went and talked to her. She came out for a minute. The other time I stormed out was when she terminated me. It was unexpected, I was upset, angry, confused.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by Elio

Your choice of words is interesting, do you think that has anything to do with it feeling different? Was there any reason you didn't simply start your typical wrapping up process?

Yes I’m usually polite about waiting until the 50 minute mark because it just feels like the right thing to do. This time I felt a little impatient. Late that day I emailed him saying I was thinking about taking a therapy break until the end of the summer, so I guess something was brewing in my mind.

[LonesomeTonight]

I almost did with T, when we had the session talking about his reaction to my holding the stone (transitional object). At one point, I was just like, "Maybe I should just leave." Because I just felt there was no getting through the impasse and talking seemed to make it worse. And I felt hurt and shamed. But I stayed. And I'm glad I did. (Because I pay at the end, I also wasn't sure how that would work. If I was just like, "OK, I'm leaving," would he have said, "Wait, you need to pay first!" Which would have been tremendously awkward. In reality, I imagine he'd just send me an invoice. But not being sure contributed a bit to my not leaving.)

[koru_kiwi]

i was pretty close to almost walking out 30 mins early one session. T was greatly misattuned, being defensive and behaving like a jerk. it happened at a time when there was a lot of pressure and stresss going on at my place of work. i had requested a week off from therapy (twice weekly sessions) so i could have a break from the added stress that therapy often stirred up for me and concentrate on my work. it was the session upon returning to therapy after my short break and T became quite pushy, which definitely was not helpful at that time. we had been having quite a few ruptures at that time, so i can get that T was probably feeling frustrated, but he was greatly misunderstanding the reason for my break from therapy and took it as me either avoiding therapy and/or the relationship with him. i sensed his defensiveness was more about him taking my break personally, and making his issues mine. i kept trying to explain how the break was due to my work situation and that i was looking out for my well-being because i knew I wasn't in state that i could handle both the work stress and therapy at that time. he would not believe me, and when he kept pushing, i told him this wasn't helpful and that i would be leaving. then we got into a tift about how much i should pay him for the session...i said I would pay in full and he said only half was necessary. in the whole scheme of things, it was quite silly and i was quite taken aback by my Ts childish behaviour. in the end, he told me he didn't want me leaving and i stayed, but there was a lot of silence afterwards.

[JaneTennison1]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I almost did with T, when we had the session talking about his reaction to my holding the stone (transitional object). At one point, I was just like, "Maybe I should just leave." Because I just felt there was no getting through the impasse and talking seemed to make it worse. And I felt hurt and shamed. But I stayed. And I'm glad I did. (Because I pay at the end, I also wasn't sure how that would work. If I was just like, "OK, I'm leaving," would he have said, "Wait, you need to pay first!" Which would have been tremendously awkward. In reality, I imagine he'd just send me an invoice. But not being sure contributed a bit to my not leaving.)

it is for this reason I pay up front in cash. I dont want to be stopped by anything lol

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

it is for this reason I pay up front in cash. I dont want to be stopped by anything lol

I also prefer paying at the beginning rather than the end because I think it’s less distracting.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

I did one. T kept challenging me and pushing me and I became overwhelmed so I asked if we could just stop 20 min before time was up. I wasn’t angry, I was really hurt, and I just needed to leave. Since then we have worked some things out but it was a tough session for sure.

[Amyjay]

Yeh, we have. I have did and some alters aren't either impressed or engaged with the whole therapy thing. So sometimes when they have been triggered out they just get up and leave. In fact that is one of the main reasons our T suggested we record our sessions... because when we switched out we often had no idea what had happened or how therapy ended. A couple times an later left after only 20-30 minutes, other times it's been closer to the 45-50 minute mark. Sometimes we have switched back quickly and returned to the therapy room, other times the alter has left completely. T never chases us down... we either go back or we don't.
It doesn't happen so much anymore.

Btw... fwiw, I would call leaving 2 minutes early "leaving on time". But I respect that it felt rebellious for you.

[Spirit of Trees]

I haven't left early, but that's partly because I pay at the end of session. Also I haven't been emotionally pushed to the point of wanting to physically leave. I wonder how my T would react? I guess I'll have to ask her what she does if/when a client does that.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I also prefer paying at the beginning rather than the end because I think it’s less distracting.

I pay by bank transfer, I like the separation between what takes place in the session and the financial agreement. In the past I have paid in cash but at the end and I just hated it. I never walked out there although one time me and T both genuinely forgot about me paying her and she called me as I'd got halfway down the road! That annoyed me a bit actually, like she was so desperate for her money she couldn't wait.

[WishfulThinker66]

Some years ago I went to a therapy session with my then husband to a marriage counsellor. I got up half-way through, threw my arms in the air and left.

It had not been hard to get my husband to the session. He honestly thought at the time - was convinced - that he was doing nothing wrong. I won't list off all his abusive and immature behaviour other than he was deep into a mid-life crisis. Amongst it all, he had abandoned me, the children, and all of our friends to 'run' with a bunch of young people younger than our daughter. He was 42 behaving like a 20 year old - and leading a secret life to do so. Well the therapist pounced upon this much to his surprise - and anger. He was livid the therapist would suggest he was behaving terribly, irresponsibly, and like a child. He told her he hated being 42 and was bloody well going to continue behaving like an immature idiot. So the therapist asked me where I was willing to make a concession. Are you kidding me? I looked at the therapist, thrust my hands in the air and walked out. He remained for the remainder and was really pissed off when he left. Our relationship got even worse after that.

So yes, I have walked out of therapy on account it was going nowhere.