Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

Lemoncake · 06:40 AM

Anything you would like to say to your therapist, big or small... post it here.

Lemoncake · Jul 03, 2019 at 06:42 AM

Sorry una I changed the title but it's not showing up in the main header.

unaluna · Jul 03, 2019 at 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Sorry una I changed the title but it's not showing up in the main header.

No, you would have to ask a mod.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 03, 2019 at 08:58 AM

Should it be XLI rather than XLII too?

Lemoncake · Jul 03, 2019 at 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Should it be XLI rather than XLII too?

No idea!

unaluna · Jul 03, 2019 at 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Should it be XLI rather than XLII too?

I cant decide whether i should get my prescriptions from a doctor who doesnt know her roman numerals - will i get more or less?

Lemoncake · Jul 03, 2019 at 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I cant decide whether i should get my prescriptions from a doctor who doesnt know her roman numerals - will i get more or less?

I was kiddin with Echos! Google already told me it's the second one. See the title in the first post!!! But I wanted to continue susannah one's .

CartDown · Jul 05, 2019 at 02:11 PM

I know you were trying to protect me, but I feel like you also left me in the dark.

And thinking about it really pisses me off.

LabRat27 · Jul 08, 2019 at 06:18 PM

I'm engaging in some pretty big lies by omission right now. Sorry.

LabRat27 · Jul 10, 2019 at 11:24 PM

T who isn't my T,
Wow. The degree of intimacy, affection, and familiarity of that genuinely surprised me. In a good way, and I really appreciated it and needed it today. Maybe one of these days I won't already have ten pounds of motorcycle armor on when you hug me.

LabRat27 · Jul 11, 2019 at 08:35 PM

Right after I left it clicked. I realized why it's men. It's kind of obvious in hindsight.

LabRat27 · Jul 12, 2019 at 01:30 PM

Did you actually think that through before you said it? Would you actually do that?
Did you think through whether you'd be going out of your way to acquire a new blanket specifically for/because of me, or bringing in one you already have, which would feel like an almost personal/intimate connection to use?
Were you planning on putting it in a drawer and taking it out for my sessions, or leaving it out all the time? Were you planning on it being there for anyone to use, or something you only brought out for me?
Have you ever done anything like that before?
Would you regret having offered it once you thought through all those practical aspects of it?

I'm still not sitting in the chair.

LabRat27 · Jul 18, 2019 at 09:47 PM

When you grabbed a tissue and took off your glasses and did something that I couldn't see because I was staring at the floor ... were you ... idk ... tearing up or something?

I feel guilty and ashamed for even considering that possibility. Like it's pathetic that I could possibly think that if it's not at all the case. I'm lying to myself thinking that you would ever care that much, that I could ever affect you that much.

Rationally I'm aware that this is probably a hard topic for you to have to listen to. I'd imagine you felt some degree of guilt when you first found out how badly you ****ed up and how much I got hurt. But I'm not sure if you've worked through that guilt or whether you still feel at least a bit. Part of me hopes you have. Part of me hopes you still feel some guilt along with the regret and empathy.
But I'd probably feel even more guilty for bringing it up and not let myself do so again.

LabRat27 · Jul 22, 2019 at 03:15 PM

Possible trigger:

I'm back to hurting myself because of grad school stress/anxiety
I don't want to talk to you about it though

Lemoncake · Aug 07, 2019 at 03:35 PM

I made a fool of myself today. I began to cry in front of the receptionist at my brothers doctors surgery when i went in to complain ( something the old me would never even have considered before) - when my aunt came to pick my grandfathers prescription she also handed my brothers one too as the address is the same.

She obviously saw that he was prescribed Fluoxetine and made comments to my mother about what did he have to be about.

She apologized and said she was sorry and only trying to help. She actually came around and gave me a hug. So I left.

Possible trigger:

My grandmother isn't well, and has been in the hospital for the past two weeks. I thought she was getting better but she's been unconscious for the past two books..

I also did the first day of my surgery placement - i wanted to leave the moment I got there.

Lemoncake · Aug 08, 2019 at 08:26 AM

Possible trigger:

My grandmother died this morning. I don't know if I'm going to tell you whilst your away.

I just need to know you're still there.

Lemoncake · Aug 12, 2019 at 04:42 PM

Dear R,

I'm not ready to come back.

LabRat27 · Aug 16, 2019 at 11:40 PM

T,
I'm thinking about you outside of session and wishing for comfort from you a lot more than I have in a while. Even though I'm thinking about T who isn't my T a lot too.

Possible trigger:

maybe it's just been too long since I saw flogger guy or something. I think he was part of the reason I was thinking about you less and I haven't been thinking about him lately. But I also just feel needier again .

T who isn't my T,
I think I might need to pull back from you. But I don't know if that's me being rational and knowing myself too well or whether that's me denying myself being cared about, telling myself it's bad and wrong and forbidden because I want it.

Lemoncake · Aug 24, 2019 at 04:46 PM

Dear R,

I can develop transference for anyone.

I spent an hour with the pharmacist where i've worked on and off for since I was 16. I went after he told
my brother that he wanted to see me. I started to cry in front of him and he was so nice. He said that he was proud of me, and that I'd go far that he was so happy to see that both my brother and I had blossomed from when we first started to work for him.

As he spoke i pictured him
being my father. He told me to
come back before I left and I might go back tomorrow.

CartDown · Sep 03, 2019 at 11:16 AM

It's only been a week, but I ****ing miss you like crazy.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,735 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 03, 2019 at 04:15 AM #1 Anything you would like to say to your therapist, big or small... post it here. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." Last edited by Lemoncake; Jul 03, 2019 at 06:40 AM.. Reason: title change
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,735 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 03, 2019 at 06:42 AM #2 Sorry una I changed the title but it's not showing up in the main header. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,162 6 1,834 hugs given	Jul 03, 2019 at 08:58 AM #4 Should it be XLI rather than XLII too?
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CartDown Member Member Since Apr 2019 Location: United States Posts: 70 5 53 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 02:11 PM #8 I know you were trying to protect me, but I feel like you also left me in the dark. And thinking about it really pisses me off.
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LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Jul 08, 2019 at 06:18 PM #9 I'm engaging in some pretty big lies by omission right now. Sorry.
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LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Jul 10, 2019 at 11:24 PM #10 T who isn't my T, Wow. The degree of intimacy, affection, and familiarity of that genuinely surprised me. In a good way, and I really appreciated it and needed it today. Maybe one of these days I won't already have ten pounds of motorcycle armor on when you hug me.
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LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Jul 11, 2019 at 08:35 PM #11 Right after I left it clicked. I realized why it's men. It's kind of obvious in hindsight.
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LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Jul 22, 2019 at 03:15 PM #14 Possible trigger: I'm back to hurting myself because of grad school stress/anxiety I don't want to talk to you about it though
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,735 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Aug 08, 2019 at 08:26 AM #16 Possible trigger: My grandmother died this morning. I don't know if I'm going to tell you whilst your away. I just need to know you're still there. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,735 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Aug 12, 2019 at 04:42 PM #17 Dear R, I'm not ready to come back. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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CartDown Member Member Since Apr 2019 Location: United States Posts: 70 5 53 hugs given	Sep 03, 2019 at 11:16 AM #20 It's only been a week, but I ****ing miss you like crazy.
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