Planning vs seeing what happens

Lonelyinmyheart · Jul 28, 2019 at 08:09 AM

Just wondered whether you plan what you are going to talk about or just see what comes up when you get there?

I'm a rough planner, I have some idea of things I want to discuss but I have found the best sessions are when I literally just throw all caution to the wind and see what happens when I get there. I find that much harder though as my logical mind wants to work out what I will tell her and why.

Jul 28, 2019 at 08:12 AM

Bit of both really.

Xynesthesia2 · Jul 28, 2019 at 08:17 AM

I did both but usually preferred to plan 1-2 topics for each session. It still often diverged all over the map as I have a tendency to ramble when I don't need to control it. I think both approaches can have advantages, e.g. with planning and focusing it is easier to follow through and tackle goals, and with spontaneity it's more likely for unexpected, normally suppressed and controlled things to come up. I think it is best to feel free in therapy so if leaving it to moment is more natural for you, do that, why not. Or you can alternate the strategies for different sessions and see, from experience, which is more helpful. I imagine that's what most people do in therapy by default unless it is some kind of very structured, focused modality, especially short-term or the idea is to just express any feeling.

comrademoomoo · Jul 28, 2019 at 08:26 AM

Unless I have thought carefully about specific topics to cover, she leads the session and it feels like she pushes her agenda. She is uncommonly bossy and forthright which doesn't help.

Jul 28, 2019 at 08:56 AM

I’ve also pondered this question. I plan almost every session, often with spare topics just in case the other topics don’t take much time. I think maybe it’s a way of protecting myself. It’s also because I’m afraid that my mind will go blank and we won’t talk about anything of consequence. The helpful thing about planning is that if I sit and think, I can discover the emotion I have about my relationship with my T, or about other people or things in my life and then I have a productive session with that. But I’d like to try an unplanned session sometime x

feileacan · Jul 28, 2019 at 09:09 AM

I don't ever plan. Or I will plan but will not follow through. Usually it is a surprise to me what will happen in sessions - often I could not have expected it in any way. I like it this way.

Lonelyinmyheart · Jul 28, 2019 at 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild at heart

I’ve also pondered this question. I plan almost every session, often with spare topics just in case the other topics don’t take much time. I think maybe it’s a way of protecting myself. It’s also because I’m afraid that my mind will go blank and we won’t talk about anything of consequence. The helpful thing about planning is that if I sit and think, I can discover the emotion I have about my relationship with my T, or about other people or things in my life and then I have a productive session with that. But I’d like to try an unplanned session sometime x

Yes this is me as well well. I plan almost every session but I really want to try an unplanned one more often. I think I am protecting myself and there's also a fear that if I don't plan it will be a wasted session and leave me feeling awful. That's usually not the case actually, very far from it it, but the fear around it it is huge. Sometimes planning is helpful for me, like you I have had productive sessions where I've wanted to discuss a particular issue esp if its about my immediate feelings re t..

Jul 28, 2019 at 09:34 AM

The thing is. Even if you go in with simmering planned, it tends to make a detour eventually during a session.

The unconscious will out.

That's been my experience.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 28, 2019 at 09:53 AM

I've done both. Sometimes I'll come with a handwritten or typed list of topics or thoughts. Sometimes there's a major thing I know that needs to be discussed that I don't need to write down. Other times, we just start talking and land on something. Some of my most helpful sessions have been when I haven't had something planned. Though there have also been a few where I've just sort of rambled about things and feel I didn't accomplish much. Or where I had something I wanted to talk about but didn't bring it up till closer to the end. Now if I have something bigger I want to address but am maybe not ready at the start of the session, I'll mention it to T, and he'll bring it up partway through. Like, "We have 20 minutes left, if you want to talk about x." Which is helpful.

ArtleyWilkins · Jul 28, 2019 at 09:54 AM

I rarely planned ahead, mainly because I personally preferred the organic way my therapist had of helping get to exactly what I needed at the right moment. I also didn’t spend a great deal of time stewing about my next session because my personal schedule was so busy at the time with work and kids, etc. My sessions were, oddly enough, my down time reserved just for me, so I tended to show up early, relax in his lobby on the couch with a good book while I wound down from work, and just tried to clear my head from my other responsibilities before we started. My therapist had a way of starting sessions with a check in that somehow got us to exactly the right topic for the moment. It was very natural that way and perhaps why I was never anxious about going to sessions; I didn’t spend a lot of time in anticipation.

starfishing · Jul 29, 2019 at 12:03 AM

I often think about it, but I'm usually wrong unless I opt to continue the conversation from the previous session or there's a medication issue we need to discuss right off the bat.

Rive. · Jul 29, 2019 at 06:37 AM

Not so much. I have been learning to 'let go' and see what emerges. I am quite 'enjoying' being in the moment and seeing the direction sessions can take.

Of course, if there is something pressing I want to talk about I will bring it up.

SlumberKitty · Jul 29, 2019 at 11:09 AM

We always talk about SH--like a check in to see how I'm doing. If I'm doing okay with it, we talk about extending time or something like that and then move on to something that is usually unplanned. I go to most sessions completely unprepared and unplanned. Sometimes it leads to silence but usually it leads to some good discussions. If I'm not doing good with SH then we discuss that for a while. So besides SH there isn't much planning on my part.

Jul 29, 2019 at 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starfishing

I often think about it, but I'm usually wrong unless I opt to continue the conversation from the previous session or there's a medication issue we need to discuss right off the bat.

I wondered what you mean by ‘I am usually wrong’? Do you mean your T suggests you plan the wrong things to talk about?

susannahsays · Jul 29, 2019 at 12:52 PM

If I'm angry at the therapist, I usually think about how I'm going to confront her. Sometimes there is an element of fantasy about it. Other times my planning involves checking my rage enough to formulate how I'm going to confront the therapist without being inappropriate in my behavior.

Since I can be manipulative, I have sometimes planned to manipulate the therapist about something. I can be kind of controlling when I feel threatened and vulnerable, and that happens frequently in therapy. Unfortunately, attempts to manipulate the therapist sometimes backfire on me. Not always.

Mostly, stuff just pops in my head when I sit down to have my session.

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Anonymous48807 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 28, 2019 at 08:12 AM #2 Bit of both really.
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,737 5	Jul 28, 2019 at 08:26 AM #4 Unless I have thought carefully about specific topics to cover, she leads the session and it feels like she pushes her agenda. She is uncommonly bossy and forthright which doesn't help.
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feileacan Poohbah Member Since Sep 2016 Location: Europa Posts: 1,169 7 112 hugs given	Jul 28, 2019 at 09:09 AM #6 I don't ever plan. Or I will plan but will not follow through. Usually it is a surprise to me what will happen in sessions - often I could not have expected it in any way. I like it this way.
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Anonymous48807 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 28, 2019 at 09:34 AM #8 The thing is. Even if you go in with simmering planned, it tends to make a detour eventually during a session. The unconscious will out. That's been my experience.
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starfishing Member Member Since May 2017 Location: USA Posts: 466 7	Jul 29, 2019 at 12:03 AM #11 I often think about it, but I'm usually wrong unless I opt to continue the conversation from the previous session or there's a medication issue we need to discuss right off the bat. __________________ I don't do hugs.
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,023 10	Jul 29, 2019 at 06:37 AM #12 Not so much. I have been learning to 'let go' and see what emerges. I am quite 'enjoying' being in the moment and seeing the direction sessions can take. Of course, if there is something pressing I want to talk about I will bring it up.
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