I’m pretty angry at something my T did, I’m going to discuss it with her next time. I’m thinking that she may well agree with me, and apologize. I think that what she did was a ****** thing and it made me feel a bit ****. I’m afraid that when I discuss it and tell her how I feel that she might feel ****. And I’m wondering how that will affect our relationship. I don’t want her to feel ****, but I do want her to consider that she shouldn’t ever do that again to me or any other client. Or perhaps she won’t agree with me? I don’t want to identify myself by writing what she did here, but I’d like to hear other perspectives on what she did, can I PM any folks about it?

I didn’t realize that my tame expletives would come out with ***’s!

[Omers]

You can PM me if you’d like

You can pm me if you like.

[susannahsays]

I don't think therapists feel that bad when they do stuff. Maybe she will regret making you feel like ****, but I doubt that will lead to her feeling like **** herself.

Besides, what would you get out of such an outcome? As you've seen, when someone makes you feel like ****, it makes you angry and resentful. I think that's true whether we deserve to feel like **** or not. Sounds like what you want your therapist to feel is shame - and I totally get that - but shame can have a rebounding effect, unfortunately. So even if you succeed and make your therapist feel like **** or shame, that probably isn't too great unless you're planning on ditching her.

I'd probably hope for regret or remorse. Not to make her feel like ****.

[Echos Myron redux]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I don't think therapists feel that bad when they do stuff. Maybe she will regret making you feel like ****, but I doubt that will lead to her feeling like **** herself.

Besides, what would you get out of such an outcome? As you've seen, when someone makes you feel like ****, it makes you angry and resentful. I think that's true whether we deserve to feel like **** or not. Sounds like what you want your therapist to feel is shame - and I totally get that - but shame can have a rebounding effect, unfortunately. So even if you succeed and make your therapist feel like **** or shame, that probably isn't too great unless you're planning on ditching her.

I'd probably hope for regret or remorse. Not to make her feel like ****.

OP says "I dont want her to feel like ****"

You're welcome to PM me WOH, but you already have offers so don't feel obliged.

[susannahsays]

Sorry, I misread. Still stands as for how I think it would affect the relationship if she did feel like ****.

As I said though, she probably won't feel like ****, so I wouldn't let that stop you from speaking.

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Sorry, I misread. Still stands as for how I think it would affect the relationship if she did feel like ****.

As I said though, she probably won't feel like ****, so I wouldn't let that stop you from speaking.

You are probably right that she won’t feel like ****, I think I do worry that she might feel a bit of shame. I want her to feel not about working with me, not to feel shame.

I think actually I worry about people feeling the same shame that I have felt in life and I try to avoid doing anything that might make another person feel shame. But actually most other people don’t feel that painful shame.