Couch 203: The Spam and Cool Whip Couch!

SlumberKitty · Aug 23, 2019 at 06:10 PM

I go back to teaching next month (a religious class). We only had the month of August off. I'm like, it's not long enough. But I can tell my personal study has slacked off so maybe it's good we only had a month off. But my evenings are about to be busy.

Edit: At least I don't have to grade.

Edit #2: Time to get out my new Latin/English version! Yeah!

SlumberKitty · Aug 23, 2019 at 06:18 PM

My Dad is like an hour from his destination in AZ. That sucks though because he left the house at like 7 this morning, so either when he got to his sister's because they are going together, either they didn't leave on time, or they had bad traffic. He should have been there already. He's done really well at keeping me informed on where he was during the day. It really helped my anxiety. I'm in charge of the two kitty cats for the next four days though. Dad usually does the night feeds while I do the morning feeds. It's a good system. The kitties are going to be eating a little later today because he usually feeds them at four and I don't get off work until four thirty.

SlumberKitty · Aug 23, 2019 at 06:21 PM

Sorry everyone, I'm chatty at the moment guys. I've been cooped up in my office too long. I'm tempted to go to the front office to just see what's up, but I don't really have a reason to so then it's awkward just standing there at the copier or whatever. I ordered two new coins for my coin collection today. I really haven't bought any this year so I thought it was time to treat myself. I told myself I could spend $100 and I ended up spending $68 so yeah! Now I can't wait to get them.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 23, 2019 at 07:39 PM

You'd think I would learn not to email my T, but no, I haven't. Emailed him tonight looking for support, and his reply left me feeling worse about myself.

LonesomeTonight · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:10 PM

Should a T tell me that it's right to feel ashamed about something that happened? Doesn't that just reinforce my self-loathing?

blackocean · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Should a T tell me that it's right to feel ashamed about something that happened? Doesn't that just reinforce my self-loathing?

It might be helpful to see the email for context but i would not like that.

Jersey 4 · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:24 PM

LT-need more context...was he telling you that it’s okay to feel ashamed (as in validation) or did he tell you outright to feel ashamed about whatever you emailed about?

atisketatasket · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Should a T tell me that it's right to feel ashamed about something that happened? Doesn't that just reinforce my self-loathing?

That would depend on what it was you were feeling ashamed about.

And there is a difference between feeling shame because, say, you made a mistake vs. self-loathing. Shame can be a useful learning tool in the former case. One’s about behavior and one’s about identity.

Of course, a therapist should make that clear.

Jersey 4 · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:32 PM

That does it! @@ needs to quit being a professor and become a therapist.

unaluna · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Should a T tell me that it's right to feel ashamed about something that happened? Doesn't that just reinforce my self-loathing?

It seems to me you took responsibility for what happened. You had a plan, then the weather happened and altered your plans. But you still behaved responsibly. Unless you made a scene and went viral... (checking youtube)

unaluna · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

That does it! @@ needs to quit being a professor and become a therapist.

Nah my answer is better

atisketatasket · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

That does it! @@ needs to quit being a professor and become a therapist.

And then some client would find this place and start posting my wardrobe choices on the Couch. No thanks.

The profession will just have to muddle along without me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Nah my answer is better

People can understand my answers.

unaluna · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:40 PM

The Therapist's New Clothes

unaluna · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

People can understand my answers.

Well okay if you wanna get all nit-picky about it!

Jersey 4 · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:47 PM

Im catching up on the couch from yesterday. I’m getting around to the poop talk. My pipes are clean. Had lots of fiber. Sorry I didn’t take pictures.

atisketatasket · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:49 PM

Only una wants pctures.

LT, if you want feedback about Dr. T, maybe put it on your thread or PM sympathetic ears? I’m around.

CantExplain · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Should a T tell me that it's right to feel ashamed about something that happened? Doesn't that just reinforce my self-loathing?

Ts believe that you should experience the full range of emotions. So shame is sometimes appropriate. However, a T certainly shouldn't tell you how to feel or when.

Is this a case of validating your feelings ("I can see you feel ashamed about that.") or endorsing your feelings ("You are right to feel ashamed about that").

I approve of validating but endorsing is dangerous, to say the least.

But suppose T says, "I can understand why you feel like that." It might be given as validation but received as endorsement.

P.S. I think there may be a difference between shame and self-loathing. If T can teach you to accept shame without turning it into self-loathing, they will count that as a win.

CantExplain · Aug 23, 2019 at 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

It seems to me you took responsibility for what happened. You had a plan, then the weather happened and altered your plans. But you still behaved responsibly. Unless you made a scene and went viral... (checking youtube)

I don't understand how this relates to shame or self-loathing.

unaluna · Aug 23, 2019 at 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I don't understand how this relates to shame or self-loathing.

Well, when you apply for parole in prison, after you are found GUILTY, they wont give you parole unless you accept responsibility for what you were guilty of.

Gee do i have to explain everything around here?

Shame and guilt are related. But if you take responsibility for whatever action, no need for shame or guilt or self-loathing?

Eta - t cant forgive her or make her feel better. And besides, she took responsibility.

JaneTennison1 · Aug 23, 2019 at 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Should a T tell me that it's right to feel ashamed about something that happened? Doesn't that just reinforce my self-loathing?

You can feel ashamed of an action without hating yourself. Doing something 'bad' does not make you a bad person. Shame in an action doesnt mean you have to fall apart in a shame spiral of self loathing

I mean that's the theory, I've never been there. Hugs LT

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Couch 203: The Spam and Cool Whip Couch!

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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,514 (SuperPoster!) 9 75.9k hugs given	Aug 23, 2019 at 07:39 PM #424 You'd think I would learn not to email my T, but no, I haven't. Emailed him tonight looking for support, and his reply left me feeling worse about myself.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,514 (SuperPoster!) 9 75.9k hugs given	Aug 23, 2019 at 08:10 PM #425 Should a T tell me that it's right to feel ashamed about something that happened? Doesn't that just reinforce my self-loathing?

Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,331 5 1,280 hugs given	Aug 23, 2019 at 08:24 PM #427 LT-need more context...was he telling you that it’s okay to feel ashamed (as in validation) or did he tell you outright to feel ashamed about whatever you emailed about?

Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,331 5 1,280 hugs given	Aug 23, 2019 at 08:32 PM #429 That does it! @@ needs to quit being a professor and become a therapist.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 40,690 (SuperPoster!) 13 68.1k hugs given	Aug 23, 2019 at 08:40 PM #433 The Therapist's New Clothes

Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,331 5 1,280 hugs given	Aug 23, 2019 at 08:47 PM #435 Im catching up on the couch from yesterday. I’m getting around to the poop talk. My pipes are clean. Had lots of fiber. Sorry I didn’t take pictures.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,276 (SuperPoster!) 9 12.4k hugs given	Aug 23, 2019 at 08:49 PM #436 Only una wants pctures. LT, if you want feedback about Dr. T, maybe put it on your thread or PM sympathetic ears? I’m around. __________________ Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten. Daß ich so traurig bin. “I do not know what this can mean. I am so very sad.” —Heinrich Heine