I want to take a break from therapy

It's okay to get tired of therapy. You be you. If you feel better off without then maybe give that a shot. Don't like that you can always go back. It's just a thing.

But now I feel bad that maybe I messed things up with my T.

He is tired of me

Hope remember that your T is hired or fired by you. I'm sure that is only your impression which is a good topic to discuss in therapy but it doesn't really matter how he feels personally. He is hired to do his best job of helping you improve and feel better.

If you need a break however he will understand. It would be unethical for him to not allow you make your own decisions. He may wish that you would show up ready to work hard each week but he also knows he cannot control you and will be available when you are ready provided he has openimgs at that time.

You nedd to make your decision based on what you want and not worry about how your T feels. Therapy is centered on you not your T. Feel ftee to take a break without guilt.

I do need to stick with it.

Someone else complained in a review on him about him cutting the meeting short and throwing them out of the door and when she asked him if he would be her therapist, he said no and that she’d have to go to another therapist.

I guess I got lucky that he let me be a therapy patient but I feel like I’ve lost my connection to him.

He seems kind of different lately. He is a lot more distracted.

Maybe something else than therapy would suit you better indeed. Maybe therapy doesn't really help you. It is your call. Maybe a support group etc. would work better.

I disagree with that line of thinking. To believe that you are so-called “lucky” for him to have accepted you is absurd. Therapists are not “gods” or “chosen ones” they are simply there to help people like yourself.

He like physically threw someone out of the office? Sounds like a bad therapist. Maybe try a support group. People are nice.

Hope, is there a way you and T can work out a plan for when you get the impulse to cancel your appointments? You seem to have a habit of impulsively canceling after emotional appointments. Then you feel horrible and beat yourself up until you get your appointments back. I wonder if there is a way to make this part of your situation easier on you?

Why is everyone being so hard on me? Maybe I wasn’t wording things correctly especially last night. Last night, I was laying in my bed in tears thinking of jumping off of a bridge. I’m sorry that all I do is make you all angry.

I have been doing well in therapy. The stress in my life just grew due to certain circumstances. That doesn’t mean that I have a bad therapist.

And, I guess what I meant by lucky that he became my therapist simply meant that he has actually helped me tremendously especially in regards to staying alive and going after my goals. Before I met him, I knew that I was at the end of my life.

I am absolutely done with being put down and criticized by people on this website. There is no support for me here. I don’t deserve the way that I am being treated. And I am always being judged.

So you all can stop criticizing me and pulling apart my words because I am done with this.

There have been some people on here who have been supportive and I want to thank those wonderful people.

All the best to you all.

People are not pulling apart your words; they are simply responding to them. How you interpret them is on you. You need to be prepared for mixed responses when you post on an online forum.

Hope, I see post after post of people encouraging you, giving ideas as possible options on how to handle this or deal with this. I don't see anyone speaking angrily to you.

But what kind of help do you want? What would help you when you reach out in those moments where you are convinced that your T needs a break from you?

I'm sorry some of the responses are upsetting you Hope. We really all want the best for you and are trying to encorage and support you.

You do need to understand thatcwe are actually responding tocwhat youcare saying. You started a post the ither day saying you had a horrible session because your T rushed you out and does not understand your pain and we tried to encourage you and remind you of all the times you have said he was a great T.

Then you start a thread saying you want to quit and cancelled the next 5 appointments because your T is sick of you but yiu are hurting and regretting cancelling. We then responded with enciuragement reminding you of the many times you have done this in the past and to just contact them and get the appointments back because it doesn't really matter whether he us sick of you or not.

You responded that you were sick of everything and would continue to take the meds but were done with therapy.

Then someone agreed with you that you should quit or take a break if your T was causing you that much dissatifaction. This time you responded saying your T is great and you have made so much progress with him and were lucky to have him.

I mean no offense by saying this butcwe really are trying to help and support you but youv seem to flip flop back and forth and disagree with anything someone says no matter which way we try to help.

I can see that you want emoathy and encouragement but and that you are very confused and your emotions are overwhelming but we can only respond to what you tell us. Usually that is only one sentence at a time that only gives us one small piece of the puzzle. We may be able to respond more appropriately if you give us a bigger picture.

I really hope you find a solution to help yourself feel better. It is never easy or comfortable but it is possible. My T always says the only way to get past the pain is to go through it. There is no magic wand to bypass around it. You have to share the pain with others and slog through the painful ness before you can get to the other side.

Hope - you have a pattern of self sabotage. You can choose to play the victim and claim everyone is being so hard on you, or you can wake up and choose to listen to some of the insight being offered. You are clearly struggling in life, what you’ve been doing isn’t working for you. People keep trying to offer you perspective/insight but you let it hurt you instead of considering that what is being said might have some truth to it. Sometimes a harsh dose of truth is just what is needed to pull oneself out of despair or helplessness. Maybe some self help will benefit you. For example - I researched how healthy people act and have relationships. And I learned about healthy/unhealthy behaviors off the internet. Sounds stupid to some I’m sure but it saved my life. Not everybody gets a loving and supportive person to help guide them in life. As unfair as that is, it’s life. Some of us have to save ourselves and figure out how to be healthy. This isn’t just you, I can think of many of us who are in this situation. I have found that getting involved in church ministries (helping out homeless people for example) has been helpful in feeling better in my own life. It also helps create connection and love from others in your own life.

that's really scary. I think you should go to the hospital if you are feeling suicidal.

Yeah hope. Its really NOT that I dont care. Or that people who challenge you dont care about you. If people didnt care about you, your life, and seeing you feeling and doing better, people just wouldnt post.

It seems like you have a bunch of people on here who care about you. Its just that- caring doesnt always mean agreeing. Sometimes actually, it takes a lot of care for someone to DISAGREE with you because that requires more vulnerability from the person disagreeing. It requires them to take the risk of someone getting angry because of the disagreement and it puts the relationship at risk.

But it seems you have a lot of people on here who are willing to be that person for you. Be the person gently challenging you and not just blindly agreeing to make you feel better momentarily- knowing that they are just contributing to you feeling worse later on because you are continuing your same destructive painful patterns.

People care about you. They want to see you doing well, they just dont want to see you shoot yourself in the foot by canceling your appointments- your irl help- and so thats why they- we- are being a little more direct with you. Because no one wants to see you suffer

When you feel like cancelling your appointments, think about this: if you keep cancelling and rescheduling 5 or 6 weeks worth of appointments, some psychologists, psychiatrists offices will not keep you as a patient. I have seen this happen before. Although, it is the staff's job to cancel your appointments and reschedule them, it is a lot of work to have to do this all the time. It can make it difficult to schedule with other patients in the practice. And I am sure that they have many patients to see.

I am not saying this to be harsh. I am saying that you could use this to stop yourself from cancelling appointments out of frustration and anger.

You could say this to yourself: "I want to cancel all my appointments because I am angry with him. But, if I do, I take the chance that he may terminate me as a patient."

I definitely made a mistake about the appointments.

I’m also worried because I’ve been complaining and arguing a lot for the last couple of weeks.

And now I have spent all weekend worrying that I have ruined things with him.

I am so filled with anxiety and sad. I want to apologize to him but it’s the weekend and all I can do is worry about it.

Something else that I don’t understand is that I’ve made so many improvements, that I was finally going to get the opportunity to finish my goal that I used to believe was over for me.

But, all of a sudden, I had a meltdown and I regret it.

I think that I freaked out because I was worried that my Panic Disorder was going to ruin my goals so I just started panicking and freaking out about everything.

I hope that I still have my therapist and my appointment next week. If I see him next week,
I can explain.

Did you get to keep it? Hugs

I did, thankfully. I called them this morning to find out and the office manager said that she didn’t cancel any of my appointments.

I’m so relieved. Last night, I was up late and reading depression poems on the internet and saved some of them in my notes. I was thinking of showing that to my therapist so he may be able to get an idea of how my mind was over the weekend.

I want to be a better patient so that I won’t annoy the people in the office.

I guess I also feel awkward about that friend request that I sent and then canceled. I hope that awkwardness will pass soon.

I want to be prepared for this week’s session.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how I can prepare?

Write a poem of your own with your own words and from your own pain.

You don't have to be a good patient, Hope. You are the person who you are and that is enough to take to therapy.