[Plumpeach]

Beware of the TRIGGER!

I am trying so hard to do everything right. I go to se my private therapist and I go to see the state funded P-doc, where the only help I can get is pills. At the same time I am trying to stay healthy, positive, solving my problems, keeping in contact with friends and family etc etc. Look, I'm trying my best.

But I am sad. Everyday is a struggle and I don't know for how much longer I can take this. I really cant take the pain anymore.

And because of all this stuff I can't get the thoughts of suicide out of my head. But I've come to realise mentioning this is kind of "forbidden" for me. I am not allowed to talk about this with anyone.

The topic is just so sensitive, even among doctors and therapists. They just ignore it and start to talk about something else. That they don't see me as a risk person because I can smile sometimes or some other reason, or try to talk about me about solutions to different problems. "If you did this...? Have you tried..? We will help you.... But you are such a smart and nice person....bla bla"

I have mentioned this topic to at least 5 people and not one of them stayed on the topic, or acted on it, or acknowledged it in any way. They just ignored my feelings and thoughts and instead told me it's good that I am not homeless atleat. Oh, ok, thanks for the pep talk, I guess...

Why is it like this? Why can't I talk about this?

[Out There]

You feel you're not being heard clearly and that's hurting you. Sometimes people's outward appearance doesn't reflect their inner feelings , you may appear to be reasonably OK so perhaps your therapists don't realize how you truly feel.

[Rive.]

I am not clear but when you say you brought up the topic to 5 people - were they mental health professionals? Or 'everyday-life' people? If the latter, they may not know what to say and/or feel discomfort regarding the topic. It's an uncomfortable, even taboo, topic for most.

I would look for people/professionals who would take you seriously. Explain to them that yes, you have tried x, y, z but that you still feel suicidal. Likewise, being nice and smart does not confer any protection against entertaining thoughts of suicide. If this is what they claim, they are clearly not informed clinicians. I would move on to more qualified professionals.

[SlumberKitty]

Unfortunately, talking about suicide is uncomfortable for a lot of people. I don't know if the people you talked to were professionals, or average joes, but even professionals sometimes have difficulty talking about suicide. Maybe they don't have enough training, IDK. IMHO what has happened to me a lot is that I am "high functioning" meaning, I go to work, I have a master's degree, I function well enough in day to day life so I am seen as low risk even though sometimes I have terrible suicidal thoughts that lead me down some very dangerous places. I would try talking to your therapist and saying, "I don't feel heard. I feel like I can't talk about this. I'm not getting the response that I need." and see where that goes. If you continue to not get the help you need, you may want to consider a different provider. Someone who is able to talk about suicide without the discomfort. Give it a good shot with your current therapist, maybe right it down before session, and express how important this is for you. Maybe that will get somewhere. And you are always welcome to write here. HUGS if welcome, Kit

[Skeezyks]

Hello Plumpeach: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Depression forum, here on PC, is one additional forum that may be of interest. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/

I'm sorry you are struggling with these suicidal thoughts. I've actually made 2 serious attempts. And I've had experiences similar to yours both with mental health professionals as well as with others in my life. I don't know why it is the way it is. But I know it is.

I thought the previous replies about people's appearances sometimes not matching their inner feelings was apropos. I've always been a person who was able to show up for my appointments well groomed & well dressed. Plus I've always had a tendency, no matter how bad I felt, to slap a smile on my face & come across as being okay. So I think I may have been my own worst enemy when it came to having the mental health professionals I was seeing be concerned for my state of mind. It seems somehow odd that I would have had to go to an appointment intentionally looking like death-warmed-over, so to speak, just to get someone to pay attention. But that seemed to be the way it was. (I don't see any mental health professionals anymore.)

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives... 1 that offers suggestions for surviving suicidal thoughts & 1 that talks about how suicidal thoughts can become a coping mechanism, plus a link to PC's Suicide Screening Quiz which you can take to help you determine your level of risk:

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

Suicide Screening Quiz

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.