Couch 207: The spiced gingerbread couch

It happens randomly. Not always when I’m distracted but if I’m not distracted I can see this little twinge he gets in his eye right before he is going to do something then I could redirect before he starts. But if I’m changing a diaper or feeding the infant I’m not paying attention enough to see that look.

People who have careers. And if they can afford a nanny, I imagine they worked pretty hard to get where they are. I don't think I'd want to see a doctor who had been out of the field for years...

Unfortunately, the waiting list for private evaluations can be even longer. I think we were originally on a yearlong waitlist at a private, well-renowned place, then ended up getting in at 6 months. We actually got much faster service from the county.

And to echo what others have say, try not to beat yourself up over screaming at the 4-year-old. He'd just hit you. Sometimes one can act instinctively when that happens. When D was around that age, once she was really upset while we were walking around the neighborhood, and I was trying to pick her up to take her into the house. She swung at me, and I instinctively batted her arm away. I felt awful after that and also feared that a neighbor would have seen it (was in a common area of our townhouse community) and called CPS. And I end up yelling at D at times and have great guilt about it (H does not have the same guilt). But I also know it happens at times.


And this is me just dealing with one child, not three... Also, it's good you were being careful regarding the rules about a nonparent/guardian caregiver bathing an opposite-sex child. I'd check into them to confirm. It may also depend on the child's age (like obviously should be OK for you to bathe an infant).

LT- can I ask you how you would feel if you had a baby sitter or some other person screamed at your daughter even if she did something wrong?

I think if I was a parent and someone else screamed at my kid that I had no relation to and whom is still brand new in our lives..I would probably lose my s h i t on them wanting to protect my kid, you know?

Jersey, the mother said screaming doesnt do anything. I bet theres a lot of screaming in that house. I dont think that is a threshold for them.

When you say "screamed," what do you mean? Do you mean you shrieked, or do you mean you yelled?

There is definitely screaming and cursing. The kids dropped the F bomb a few times before and when I asked them where they learned it they said mommy and daddy.

FWIW our nannies were expected to discipline us with anything our parents would do—yelling, taking away a treat, sending to our rooms, etc. and we were expected to treat them just as we would our parents.

Yelled. But with a really loud deep voice. Got close to the boy and yelled in a loud deep voice No!. You never hit me! Do you understand? Never! Now get upstairs it’s time for bed! I’m done with you. In a very loud deep voice.

Nannies? How many have you had? One just didn’t stay until you outgrew them?

I think it would all depend on the context. I mean, i get upset when H does it, but then I end up doing it as well. The fact that you gave her the heads up about it is really good--I'd think would be worse if she just watched it or if one of the kids told her. But they also seem to know how difficult that child is. And it happened in response to his hitting you, not like you were randomly screaming at them all day. So I'd think as long as it's not happening all the time, they'd understand it. I think I'd feel the same.

When D tries to hit or kick me, I will do something similar like shout, "NO! That's not OK to hit me!" and then I'll generally leave the room (if possible, I mean, if we're out or something I couldn't).

Ya know, it kinda sounds like you are telling us about this great relationship, but then in drips and drabs it comes out that your honey lovey sweetie is an incredibly abusive hole. But to be fair, i live an EXTREMELY constricted life.

None of this behavior happens when we are out. He’s always very good out of the house. I mean..I would take them out more than I do but it’s not always easy to do that carting an infant around. He eats every 4 hours and sleeps twice sometimes 3 times a day.

There were three. The first one (whom I don’t remember) got fired because she spent all her time talking on the phone and ran up my parents’ bill, the second one developed heart issues and retired, the third one left when my parents decided we were mature enough to look after ourselves after school for a couple hours (I was 7 or 8), but she’d babysit if needed.

Maybe ask them to put just the baby in daycare.

Oh. Wow. Did you like them both? The second and third?

Just note - doctors not lawyers.
2 times.

I wonder if who one feel sorry for is based on where you fell in the family arena. I was the oldest - I completely understand the 4 yr old.

I remember liking the third, don’t recall liking the second (probably too young to care).

My parents were doctors. Not lawyers.

Yes. I knew you said your parents are doctors or were you just noting for SD.

Yes. Doctors. Not lawyers. Twice-as SD said.