I am finding that I am extremely resistant in therapy. To the point where I don't engage in grounding myself or general chit chat. I don't think this is necessarily the therapist because I find it hard to open up to any therapist.

I am currently about 3 months in.

[RosyC]

I can really relate. It took me over a year before I could really engage. Do you want to be less resistant? Do you want to be able to engage? Outside of therapy, are you able to identify why you’re feeling like this?

[RainbowSadness]

I was very resistant at first too. I wouldn't even look at him, I had my face turned away while he talked about defense mechanisms, lol. After some stressful events he was the only one I had to turn to so that helped break the ice. I used to be very resistant with every mental health professional but now that I have someone I'm open with it feels amazing. I kinda regret not putting more into my last therapist because I think I could have gone far with her had I let her in more but sadly she got a different job and a lot of things went unsaid.

I would try to be a little bit more open every time you go in. It doesn't have to be something super personal, it can just be what you did the last few days or something. Like going to the dentist, grocery shopping, etc. The point is it will get you use to talking to them and seeing them as a safe person to vent to. When you think about it, therapy is kind of an awkward thing. You're supposed to just meet with this stranger in this room every week and tell them about all your problems. It can be nerve-wracking. You just just gotta build up comfort with the T so you guys can get past the awkward stage. Wishing you luck!

[Omers]

Historically I have always been extremely avoidant in therapy. T1 tried to wait it out while offering unconditional positive regard. It became a very toxic relationship. T2 assigned homework, it was like a remedial English class. Yes, she helped get symptoms under control... but never the real issues and so life continued to suck. T3 was just a manipulative toxic mess. She tried to get past the resistance in harmful and abusive ways. T4 didn’t seem to notice my resistance. T5 just fired me for not wanting to work or get better. 20 wasted years!

Now, current T. He just felt comphy from session one, his space felt like all the best parts of being home. I was still resistant even if I didn’t want to be. Session 2 he asked me to identify what I was feeling and I froze. T very gently brought me out of it. Sometimes he gets a more reactive resistance. . He takes each display of resistance individually... am I scared, am I not ready, am I ashamed... his response is different for each. I know he sees something each time that allows him to respond “just right” and that I don’t see those things yet. His responses have been everything from painfully gentle and nurturing to “do I need to get more stern with you? I can!” Slowly as his different responses let me know he sees me, gets it and will always be by my side I am less resistant with him. We are right at the year mark and just last week he ran into resistance on something he felt was essentially important (clearly I still am not sure and resisting). T got me to as safe a place physically and emotionally then ever so gently asked me if it would be OK for him to keep telling me this thing. I pitifully nodded... progress... I am still rejecting the message but I am not locking the door against the messenger.

[satsuma]

Do you think it would be worth trying another T for a few sessions, just to see whether you felt any different? It might give you an idea of whether you are always going to experience this or whether it could be different with a different T.
It took me many months to really trust my T, but at the same time I did make progress and I could tell that I was trusting him more than anyone else - even if it was very gradual.

This is my second T. The last one I saw for about 4 years. It was the same problem with him I just couldn't open up and I have trouble building a basic rapport. Like I struggle even talking about my day. I think maybe I should try another counsellor. Its just the process of starting all over again. I don't what to say next session. The thing is I am really struggling with intrusive thoughts at the moment and suicidal thoughts. I can't even raise that with my therapist because I begin to dissociate.

[BudFox]

Therapy is inherently unsafe and unnatural. The therapist stares at you and waits for you to reveal your secrets, thoughts, and emotions. They judge and scrutinize. It's intrusive and voyeuristic. And meanwhile they reveal very little, so you don't really know them. There is no legitimate basis for trust. This arrangement violates a lot of emotional and interpersonal boundaries. In normal social contexts, a person who behaved the way the typical therapist behaves would be regarded with suspicion.

You should be resistant to this.

[just2b]

Think about what are you having resistance to? Is it the work of therapy to get to the core issues that bring you in? Is resistance facing feelings and things you find upsetting, and shameful? Being aware of the resistance is a great start. Now face the resistance....what is it specifically about resistance that you have?