[weaverbeaver]

I mentioned to my t that I had an important interview coming up. T mentioned her sister coaches people in preparation for interviews and offered to pass me her number. I was kind of excited but now the more I think about it, I don’t want this to contaminate my impression of t. Then it will be awkward if I say to t thank you but no thank you because she will think I am ungrateful.

[SlumberKitty]

Eh, I think I would pass if it were me. I'd politely thank T but I wouldn't want anything messing up my T relationship if I had a good one. Good luck with the interview! HUGS Kit

[Omers]

It is possible although not probable that I could run into T’s brother. I would be OK running into him but I couldn’t ever work with him professionally even though his job is a lot less personal than a job coach. I just wouldn’t go there. I also think there is a strong argument that even offering to give you her sisters number is an ethical grey area.

I guess I dont quite understand why it would be strange. Theyre just people.My therapist’s sister gives violin lessons and T had mentioned I should take lessons from her. I may eventually do that.

[susannahsays]

Is this a new therapist or the same old one who has all the horrible boundaries?

[nottrustin]

I should say something like, thank you for the information but I think I would be better off by not contacting your sibling. A T wgo is even remotely competant would understand.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Most therapists dont like to blur the boundaries in the way you've described because it can bring up all sorts of painful feelings and complex issues around family etc. It also brings issues of confidentiality into question. Where I live it would certainly be ethically questionable. Trust your intuition on this.

[sarahsweets]

Is this something you will ever have to pay for?

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

I mentioned to my t that I had an important interview coming up. T mentioned her sister coaches people in preparation for interviews and offered to pass me her number. I was kind of excited but now the more I think about it, I don’t want this to contaminate my impression of t. Then it will be awkward if I say to t thank you but no thank you because she will think I am ungrateful.

I understand the excitement but I’m not a fan your T’s suggestion.

It feels uncomfortable that your T would break confidentiality by telling her sister ‘My client, ___, is interested in coaching for a job interview...’

Plus, it’s a boundary crossing to enter into a business relationship with T outside of therapy. I understand this would be a business relationship with her sister- but the idea that T uses her clientele as a referral base for her coach/sister concerns me.

I agree, such an arrangement might affect your impression and relationship with T. What if you don’t get along with her sister? How would that affect your therapy?

It might be wise to think about this a little more.

You can always say, ‘No thank you, I’ve made different arrangements..or I’m going in a different direction...or I need to think about this.’

It would be perfectly fine to say, ‘Thank you, but no thank you.’ You don’t owe T an explanation. T should be able to handle it and it’s not your job to take care of T’s feelings.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

I think it’s fine to say no thank you. It is also ok to accept it if you feel inclined. You are even free to tell your therapist that the idea makes you uncomfortable and why. Through my career, I have ended up talking to T’s brother a lot. It was super awkward at first, it’s still not super comfortable for me, but I’m open with T about our contact so there are no secrets and I’m extra careful about boundaries.

[*Beth*]

I, too, would pass. I know how reactive my mind is, and hyper-sensitive...if anything weird should happen it could blow the whole therapeutic relationship. Actually, even if I turned out to be really fond of the sister it could screw things up. Somehow, meeting the sister seems risky.

But that's just me. Some people would be fine - or even do well - with working with the sister. I definitely believe that you should follow your intuition on it.

I don't think it is a good idea. If you were to have problems with her sister, the boundaries can get blurred. Your therapist may not be able to be objective (assuming you will talk to her about any problems with her sister) because that is her sister. Then that could affect your relationship with your therapist. This may not happen at all, but I don't think it is worth the risk.