Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

This happens to me the end of every semester. Usually I end up cleaning the flat totally and that helps (don’t necessarily recommend it, though).

Is your surgery soon?

My surgery isn't until December 2020. My insurance requires a year of coaching by their people before they'll pay for weight loss surgery. I will be eligible at the end of August but, with the school schedule, the first time I can actually get the surgery is December. That's okay, I can wait.

Totally got triggered by my D's T (P) today. She said, "Let it go, Mom," in regards to something I was saying to D. It was like, "Hi, negative maternal transference." I felt like I'd messed up her session (from P's comments throughout) from the time I'd walked in. So I said I needed to use the bathroom (which she'd suggested I do in an earlier session so she could work with D on her own). I was tearing up as I said that (not sure if it was obvious), so spent some time in the public bathroom and hallways crying and talking to H on the phone (autoflushing toilets: not good for private conversations in an empty bathroom!). I knew Dr. T was in his office because his door was closed (he leaves it open when not there), so part of me hoped that he'd happen to leave while I was out there but also felt would put him in an awkward situation, which is what kept me from sitting in the waiting room until I'd gotten the crying under control. Had to text her T so that she could eventually let me back in (waiting room door locks automatically--the one leading to the offices, not the outer one). But she said D was doing well, so I said I was fine waiting. They eventually retrieved me, and I went back in. D had done fairly well. P said that she had wanted me to keep D in the present, and what I was saying wasn't doing that. I know she meant well, but I just felt I'd screwed up. And that I screw up all the time with her (as in, D).


So, apparently this is something to talk about with Dr. T...And H said he'd take her to the next session.

when my dog is upset, I call myself a bad mommy. I sprung for insurance and needed to take her to a veterinary hospital for wound care. I thought I would loose her affection and I thought I would be incriminated for mis-love, but as it turns out, she was treated for her wound and is now on a path to recovery and affection. I guess I need to take her for a follow up visit. in the meantime -
pets, praise and love.

I absolutely can identify with this feeing.. having a child on the spectrum myself, it sometimes can feel like I am doing everything wrong. Then, his t will correct me and I could feel even worse.

What I have watched with son’s t and learned the 6 months of working with kid’s and their family in my internship is sometimes the role of a social worker/t is not only to educate the child, but the family. It’s a fine line to walk.

I eventually just stopped going into sessions with my son and waited until he and his t invited me in. Sometimes they didn’t at all, sometimes he was 10mins in and he wanted me there. Perhaps you could try doing that?

@LonesomeTonight that sounds like a tough situation in which any of us more sensitive types would feel overwhelmed. Definitely doesn’t sound like you did (or even like the t thought you did) anything on purpose or hugely upsetting in her session, sounds more like the t just wanted to let you know where her thoughts were so you would know why she said the things she said and what it would mean if she said something similar next time. Even though you didn’t do anything wrong, I know how hard it can be to start beating yourself up for things. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It sounds like your D had a good session and that’s what matters most!

Ugh. I wrote this in the Dear T thread, but I am s o upset right now. My psychiatrist doesn't take my insurance, and I have to find a new one...all of TWO that are on my insurance. Worse is that my T isn't on my insurance, and in order to give me a sliding scale fee, I have to see her every other week. I am devastated. Therapy is my anchor from week to week. What on earth will I do to help fill that hole?

Oh man, I am so sorry, velcro. There is a huge shortage of psychiatrists in my area, so many people run into similar problems. Is a psychiatric nurse practitioner an option? I love mine. Maybe you could see if your primary care doctor (if you have one) has any advice? That really sucks about your T. I hope the situation changes somehow...

I’m so weirdly amped up about my session with T that starts in half an hour—I don’t know what the heck is wrong with me.

Liz (main T) canceled on me two hours before session today. I hate when she does that. And I also hate that in my reply I had to pretend like it's fine when it's really isn't because now she ignores anything from me that isn't about scheduling (and even then I usually get something snippy about checking her online portal in her reply).

Ugh, I'm sorry, last-minute cancellations are the worst. And the whole needing to be like, "I completely understand" thing, too.

I would hate that too.

How long do you have to wait until you can see her again?

You're doing your best LT that's all that matters.

I messaged R on whatsapp at 7am asking for a second session this week. Then removed the message before he saw it. Then sent another message at 11 asking the same thing then removed it again before he saw it.

My H is such an ***. I'm so tired of him. Lile my dad says, it's all about him. He just yelled at me for snoring. He could have asked me nicely to turn over and not sleep on my back. He's been so mean to me lately. He is sick, but that's no excuse to treat me like ****.

The other day, I woke up before him and told him I was going to run some errands. I guess he didn't hear me. When I was leaving the store he called me. He starts yelling at me and freaking out because he didn't know where I was. He broke some things in the house too because of his anger. So when I got home, I had to clean up and fix everything.

I do so much for my dad and H. I feel like Cinderella: treated like a slave and stuck in my life.

Thanks, Healed, it helps to hear you've experienced something similar. This was the first session I've left for part of it, which is something P wanted us to work toward. So I'm hoping in future sessions, most of the time would be just her and D.

I think I also need to talk to her about what my role in sessions is supposed to be when I am there. I wonder if I'm interjecting too much, like if I'm mostly just supposed to sit there quietly and observe, unless P asks me questions. H said the couple times he took her, he didn't say much. What was your experience with that, did you say much?

Thanks, Summer. You're right that D having a good session is what matters most. I suppose I did the right thing in removing myself from the room. I'm realizing now, too, that part of it may be that P kept the same tone she was using in talking to D, so it felt like a "Mom" scolding me. And I'm particularly affected by people I deem authority figures being critical or seeming frustrated. I think this had an extra layer because it was about me being a parent in that moment, too.

It's probably better if your daughter's sessions were mostly without parents. I know when my kids had therapy, if I was invited into the session, the rule pretty much was I was to keep my mouth shut unless specifically asked for input. Their therapy is not about us as parents; it is their therapy. It's hard, but we kind of have to duct tape our mouths. LOL!

Drat. After the first day of in-person classes, I haven't lost anyone, in fact one class is now over capacity and the other two (online) are full.

I need to be scarier.

Ugh, I'm sorry, Scarlet. It's not OK for him to yell at you or to break things in anger. Why not make him clean it up if he breaks something?