Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

Kit, a plan doesn't have to be inflexible. And just because you made it doesn't mean it has to be carried out.



So instead of planning on doing X if you get through the week, try "I'll do X *if I still feel like I need to*." I mean, I could tell myself if I get through my last class before the weekend, I'll get a pizza to celebrate...but if I don't want the pizza after class, I shouldn't force myself to get it because earlier I said I would.

Hugs, Kit. Weird that she didn't seem to be able to understand how someone can be really struggling with mental health stuff yet be highly functional in many areas of their life.

Dr. T is really good at making me feel better about how I do as a parent. Something he said today that was really helpful re: D (that could be applied to anyone really) is how it seems she's doing the best she can be doing at this point in her life. Like, the best she can be doing for *her.* That we've given her what we can to help her succeed. He gave the example of, if a child has dyslexia or other reading delay, then maybe the best they can do is read at 2 grade levels behind. So if right now, they're reading 2 grade levels behind, then they're doing the best they can do for *them*. As opposed to compared to other kids. That they could be reading 4 grade levels behind. But aren't. So it can help to think of it in that way.



Perhaps it's fitting he was wearing his mountain socks today, with little mountain climbers and mountains on them.

Thanks @@ and LT. Gotta think some more about what CC said and about my plans for the weekend. Lovely having you all here on the couch to talk to and relate with. HUGS Kit

I told him that he had a pattern of being unreliable.
That he wasn't going to change and become the T I wanted who replied to emails during his break.
That I wasn't going to change either.
That it was over. We weren't working out.

R: Where did I go when I started to cry?
That I wanted a reliable maternal care giver.
He said he felt like the veil had been lifted. ( my mummy issues have also been there since day one)
Disappointment now seeping into my therapy.

S: That for all of his other clients he should work on stabilizing first., find out their triggers and avoid triggering them!
Talked about his "what am I doing" question and again he said he could see why that was hurtful.
Something about therapy being hard.
That he only saw me for the money.
He said he saw me at the lowest amount that he charged.

What did he think of me when he first met me?
Why did he decide to work with me?
Good stuff about me.
That I told him how I was at the start (suicidal and self harming) so he couldn't say I didn't tell him because I did.
If I was an animal I'd be be a tiger and show him my claws and then he'd run away.
He said I'd already shown my claws and that he was still here.
That I was complicated.
Did he still think he could help me?
Him:That we needed to work on this together..
That we could end If that's what I wanted.

I said I didn't really mean that I was leaving.
That he was proud of me for sticking with not emailing him in between as we need to work on impulse control.
Talked about a Spock link I sent him.

I feel like he saw me even though my camera was turned off.
He listened without being all defensive.

We arranged for Tuesday.

She sounds like a twiglet.

Like @@ said the plan doesn't have to be set in stone, a general idea would be okay.

If calling someone up when you feel like SH'ing doesn't work for you- you don't have to do it either.

You'll stop when you're ready to.

I was also saying how I worried how my mental health issues affected D (didn't help that I'd read an article on how a mother having postpartum depression can affect their child for life...). Dr. T was saying how I was working hard to treat them, emphasizing how much effort I was putting in. That I'm doing what I can. And how maybe if my mom had tried to treat her own anxiety, it would have been different for me. He kept saying how hard I was working. It helped to hear all of that from him.

You'll love this doc I watched: it was on youtube called "help me love my baby." which followed a mum undergo a year of parent and child therapy at the Anna Freud center.

The mother's depression did change the way and the baby was completly ignoring her and not responding at the start, but it just showed that it was possible to help the child learn how to bond again.

I also agree that working on all your stuff is helping D. you can only do your best- nothing more nothing less.

Thanks, Lemon, helps to hear that. Will look up the Youtube video.

Pretty much every experience has some kind of an effect on the brain and body. That's literally what making new memories is -- rearranging the connections among neurons. There was even a study showing that the babies born to parents who went through a particular ice storm had distinctive epigenetic signatures, which could potentially change how the kids' genes are expressed throughout their lives.

Anyway, my point is that your D's brain was probably changed by your postpartum depression, but it is also changed by every hug you give her and every book you read to her and every time you listen to what she has to say. It's better to strive to do your best than to beat yourself up for things you wish were different but can't change.

So, informal couch poll: this has been bothering me all day. But I don't know if I am being paranoid (quite possibly) or over sensitive (quite possibly) or totally on target (also quite possibly). So a coworker who is senior to me today sent me a Skype message saying "Hello Kit (except it was my real name), just a head's up, X is taking care of personal business today so we should not bother X if possible." Of course, what I took from that was that I usually bother X. I couldn't ask that without sounding paranoid though. I just said, "Yes ma'am. I haven't Skyped X since yesterday and I know X wasn't well yesterday. I will not bother X." But what I totally wanted to say was, Do I usually bother her? Am I bothering you right now? Am I an annoying person? Etc. Etc. So....poll question: paranoid, over-sensitive, or on target? HUGS Kit

Hugs, Kit. I suspect that your coworker may have sent the same message to anyone who works with that coworker. I seriously doubt he thinks that you bother her. I understand how your mind went down that path, but I seriously doubt it's about that.

Thanks, EM. I guess I wasn't thinking about the positive stuff I do having an effect...


That's really interesting about the ice storm. I was saying to T today how I can go down the rabbit hole of "Maybe if I'd eaten fish/taken fish oil during pregnancy, that could have changed things" (I'm vegetarian), and other stuff like that. He said how it's not like I smoked crack. That some pregnant women do everything wrong, smoke, do drugs, etc., and their babies come out perfectly healthy. And others do everything right, then there can be a serious issue. So it can kind of be a crapshoot. Which was a good point.

Kit, I vote for option 4: don’t worry about it.

Hi couch, it's been a heck of 2 weeks.

HUGS @SheHulk07 I'm so sorry you are going through an awful lot right now. I'm glad you are here with us! You were missed! HUGS Kit

So far I give the peloton app two thumbs up. I use the walking/hiking on my elliptical and I put the bike I got (not peloton) together and so far it has not fallen apart.

SheHulk, that all sounds so very hard. Glad to see you're still with us. And I hope they make your H leave the house, not you.

I'm about to head into my appointment with pdoc and I'm ready to have a panic attack. I'm worried he's going to terminate with me too.

Hugs, SheHulk, I'm sorry you're going through all of that. And am glad you're still here. I think they should make your H leave, too.

Have you been in contact with your former T at all? Does he know what happened?