[RaineD]

Can you develop transference over time?
I just started seeing a new therapist. I like him, but I don't have feelings for him. With my old therapist, I developed transference during the first session. Because I don't think therapy can work without transference, I'm wondering if you can develop these feelings over time if you don't feel them in the beginning.

My guess is that you can, but I need confirmation from others. Thanks!

[Lemoncake]

I believe you can also develop it over time.

It's nice to see you posting again Raine.

[Lrad123]

I’m not an expert on transference, but I’d say it is absolutely possible to develop feelings over time. I’ve seen my T for over 2 years and spent a very long time thinking that perhaps he wasn’t smart enough or likeable enough, etc (but maybe that’s transference?). My feelings have evolved and changed considerably over time. I kind of didn’t expect it.

[LonesomeTonight]

Transference can definitely develop over time--I didn't feel anything for ex-MC in the beginning either, probably not for a year or so maybe? (Though for current T, felt immediate attraction to him--that's waxed and waned throughout our relationship though.)

[ElectricManatee]

It seems likely that you would -- at least on some level -- be cautious with this new T since what happened with your last T was so painful. I remember feeling unimpressed and decidedly not attached to my current therapist when I first met her because I felt like she would never be as useful (or as important to me) as my previous therapist. That changed dramatically over time, as I opened up more to her and as we developed a relationship together. I think your feelings about this new therapist are likely to change over time too, and I do think transference might pop up, especially if you stay curious about the reactions you are having to him.

Glad to see you back, and I hope things go well with this new T.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Transference can certainly develop over time, especially as deeper issues often come up later in therapy.

I agree with everyone else. Actually, it is uncommon that no transference will ever develop over longer periods of time. Transference can take on various forms. Obviously it's not always a transference love or even the total opposite. Transference (and even countertransference) can even be helpful in the therapeutic relationship, unless it becomes totally unchecked.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I didn't have any transference for my T in the first maybe 7 months of seeing him. I didn't mind him, I didn't have issues with his style or his personality, there just weren't any 'deeper' feelings.
Now that I've seen him for a bit over 3 years, I'd say that I had and still have transference with my T at various points, sometimes it's more pronounced an sometimes less.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree with what BirdDancer said. If/when the transference develops, it's likely to feel somewhat different than with your former T, as it will be a different relationship. Mine with current T feels different than with ex-MC (and shows itself a bit differently, too, in how I react to him). It can still be helpful, even if it feels different.

[RaineD]

Thanks everyone! I just need to be patient then. And not expect it to feel the same when it happens.

[zoiecat]

From what I have read on this forum, I would think that one would not want transference. It seems to cause everyone pain.

[Omers]

Yes. In my experience it can also change over time as well. My current T started off session one with a TON of transference from a priest I had known in college. In all fairness, in looking for a new T I was specifically looking for someone like that priest as he had been so helpful. Now a year later it is kinda funny because even T admits that he has a lot in common with the priest. Now he has a different kind of transference that is more of an archetype than transference from a specific person. We have found it fun and extremely helpful to discuss the transference as it grows, changes and develops over time.

[RaineD]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

From what I have read on this forum, I would think that one would not want transference. It seems to cause everyone pain.

It does cause pain, but I think it's necessary for healing those attachment injuries. Like a "no pain, no gain" kind of thing.

[comrademoomoo]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

From what I have read on this forum, I would think that one would not want transference. It seems to cause everyone pain.

I think transference happens whether it is wanted or not.

[Rive.]

Transference can develop at anytime and with anyone, T or not.