Couch 211: The Stoffle couch

Thanks @Lemoncake My appointment for one of the Ts that I spoke to while in the hospital isn't until the 11th.

So story time...
I went to my first appointment at the community mental health center and met with the therapist there for 30 minutes. He seemed okay, we got done and he told the receptionist to book me in for another appointment. The receptionist looked at his calendar and the week after next he only has another 30 minute appointment slot that whole week. I got frustrated because that seems pointless. So I told the receptionist never mind and left. The place is in a 2 story building that joins with a community college. I went downstairs, and still upset called H. I mentioned to him that I had pills on me...didn't take any, was really just frustrated and that's where my mind has been going lately. He kept trying to tell me to look at 2 other therapists that his therapist recommended for me, and I just hung up because I'm already having a hard time meeting with 2 new therapist, the thought of meeting 2 other new ones at the same place he goes to felt overwhelming.

I went in the bathroom and just cried. When I finally calmed down, I decided that I'd leave and drive home. Well I was getting into my car when a police officer drove up, got out of his car and started talking to me. He told my that H called for a welfare check on me, saying that I had pills and I was going to use them. The officer was very nice and calmed, and talked to me about what's been going on when the issue of what H has been doing to me got brought up. So then the officer was all concerned about that, my safety, etc etc and started asking if that's ever been reported, that I could go down to the station and talk to someone, etc etc. At this point I felt that I had 1 of 2 options...either go to the station with the officer or risk them calling an ambulance on me and having me taken to the hospital. He mentioned that it would probably feel a lot better for me to talk about this stuff to an officer than be strapped down at a hospital.

He said he could give me a ride to the station. I dont think he trusted me to drive or not to just drive away. So I agreed and he patted me down in the middle of the parking lot, then got in the back of their car. We went down to the station and reported to their detective what's been going on. I also talked to their victim's advocate. I'm not choosing to do an investigation right now, but it's now officially documented with the police. While I was talking to their advocate, the detective and officer came in to the room holding a bottle of pills and blades that I had in my purse. I actually forgot about those meds, but knew the blades were in the and warned them about it when they asked if I had anything on me. They started questioning me again about wanting to hurt myself, what I planning on doing with the pills and stuff, and my plans for the rest of the day. I told them. i told them i had a psychiatrist appointment today, which was in like 15 minutes so they said to go to that, and took me back to the office to get my car.

I didnt make it to my pdoc appointment because I was in a different city and was probably 45 minutes away. And during this time, H told me that the T from the mental health center called on me as well, and officers showed up at our house asking about me too, stating I was having sui thoughts.

Wow, SheHulk, that's a lot! Hugs...It's good that the officer was so supportive toward you and that you were able to get some stuff documented.

so now i am going to be meeting with a psychiatrist for a med eval . the t i met with thinks im suffering from chronic ptsd and might help if i saw an emdr therapist and cbd and medication .all i want is to get some relief from the massive amounts of anxiety i always feel. the therapist i ave doesnt help with this and is also having huge problems holding therapeutic boundaries. the last thing she did was to call me 3 times after 11 at night for things that could have waited until the next day . why is she even thinking about me at 11 at night .

I have known my mother all my life. Until today I did not know she was really, really into road runners.

Hi Granite!!! Its so good to see you. I'm glad you are consulting with another T. Look at you
Yes to EMDR! I hope if you decide to go down the medication route, that it will help a bit.

I've slowly realized that I reached the limits as to how much therapy can help me. Therapy can't help me fix deep-rooted income inequality between the rich and poor, or a sick society/environment that breeds mental health issues. These "big picture" issues impact my everyday life. I don't think therapy can help me with the crappy status quo I was born into. Not entirely sure what to do now, except to stop going to therapy and do something else.

I gave them my availability next week, saying I'm free most weekdays in the afternoon.

It's pricey but I feel safer knowing they're LGBTQ friendly, and have female doctors specialised in my issues. Fingers crossed because it will be my first ever gynaecological exam in my life!

I've feeling a lot of shame because I've had a female doctor judge me when assuming I've had premarital sex when I mostly use my hormonal contraceptive to clear my cystic acne and stop my periods (I guess I've a kind of gender dysphoria, as well as awful PMDD). I definitely feel slightly reassured that they won't judge me and tell me to marry and pop out kids...

Happy to hear from you granite!

If you're dissociative, the emdr therapist needs emdr level 3 I believe?

SheHulk, thinking of you.

I'm sorry that happened to you, in my experience LGBTQ Drs tend to be more open to things and less judgey so I hope you will be treated well there!

Yes to EMDR! It is not for everyone I fully get that but for me it is honestly changing the way I view a lot of my childhood and I am excited.

Also very sorry that happened to you. I hope you have a much better experience with this office and imagine that you will. I'd let them know it's your first exam, too.

Maybe it's one of those things that doesn't come up until it's necessary.

Today's drama resolved, I intend to curl up in a ball and do nothing for a while.
The powers that be in my area seem to have a different definition of 'priority'.
It doesn't mean what they think it means - 'if we give them portable heaters, we can get away with not doing the repair on the spot.'

Just had a meeting with a local bigwig in psychoanalysis about some reading I'm doing and I was totally overwhelmed and intimidated and now I feel just awful all through my body

It's okay to feel the way you do. I also feel intimidated by people.

I think it's important to remember everyone had to start from somewhere.

Have they given you a date of when the repair can take place?

The repair has been done, thankfully.
They didn't show until 12:20pm for a 'mid-morning' appointment.

Anything after 12 is not morning anymore.

I recently learnt that for the previous 28 years I've always gotten pm and am mixed up.