To quit therapy

I’ve been in therapy since May 2019. I’ve sensed that my T think that I’m ready to try coping on my own. She’s a private therapist and I pay on my own, so it’s rather expensive (at least for me).

I’m quite attached to her. Yesterday I said, like just in passing, that I was thinking about quitting. She started talking about it and that we could make a plan for quitting and what to think about. She told me that I could come for like ”check-ups” monthly for a while. Maybe until summer.

I felt sad in session talking about it. I’m going to miss her!! I’m scared that I’m not going to make it, to be able to cope, on my own. She means so much to me. I know I’ve only seen her for a short while but I like her so much. I look forward to each session, I think about her and what I’m going to tell her.

I understand why she’s trying to make me quit. I know it’s because I spend a lot of money and she wants what’s best for me. But something inside me wish that I wouldn’t be better. That she wouldn’t want me to end therapy. Does this make any sense? I have a good life with husband and kids and work and a lot to do. I have friends and parents that support me (at least one parent). It’s not like I need therapy to live, if you know what I mean.

My problem is anxiety but I’ve gotten some good tools from her. She wants me to try them on my own. But she’s not terminating me, it’s my decision.

I know that I have to quit, I need to try, but it makes me so sad and scared.. i feel left alone even though I’m not. I have my family and work and friends. But still. I’m so scared. Anyone understand this feeling?

I’m also jealous of the people who’s going to keep seeing her when I’m not. It’s stupid but I can’t help it...

Does she want you to quit or is supporting you because you mentioned quitting?

She is respecting your wishes and is supporting you in your decision to quit.

One does not need to have a big 'thing' going on in order to go to therapy. IF you get something out of it, it is as worthy as e.g. going to a restaurant, going for a massage or whatever other form of recreation etc.

IF money is the only thing making you want to stop, is there any way to earn some more?

I don’t think she WANTS me to quit. Like, I think she enjoys talking to me and she said once that I’m an excellent patient (because I do my homework and reflect a lot around myself and my feelings). She said it at a time when I was worried that I was bothering her with my questions.

I think she supports me and want to help me to end therapy. But I also think that she’s seen progress and that she think that I may be able to cope on my own. I told her yesterday that I felt like she didn’t want to see me and she said that wasn’t the case.

My next appointment isn’t until three weeks and I usually go every week. But it cost me 90 $ every time I see her so I can’t do it forever.

Yes, I get something out of it but I don’t want to keep paying her if I don’t NEED it. I don’t want to, because of my attachment to her, pay her to talk to me... it doesn’t feel right.

I’m working full time and my husband is studying full time and sometimes work a couple of hours. But we have daycare to pay and a loan on the house and a car and the kids need stuff...

I’m ambivalent...

Then I guess you have made up your mind. Best of luck to you.

I can understand not wanting to spend the money of you don't need to.

I guess I have. If money wasn’t an issue, it would have been different.

I wish it was easier. I wish I wasn’t so attached and fond of her. And I sort of wish that she would have tried to convince me to stay. Then I could have told myself ”My T wants me to continue”

Yes I know it’s stupid, I can’t help it. I feel like she doesn’t care.

Could you try going monthly for a couple months and see how you feel? With the option to return to either weekly or biweekly if you feel you do still want/need therapy?

Yes, maybe I should try that. I have this feeling that I don’t want to ”bother” her (one of the reasons I’m in therapy...) and perhaps I’m too eager to do what I believe that SHE wants... this is something I constantly do, I’m not very good at putting my own needs first.

I have to think some more about this.

This pattern could be a good thing to bring up, actually. It sounds like you're a bit of a people pleaser, which I tend to be as well. Could it also have to do with her being an authority figure to you? Because for me, the people-pleasing comes out even more with authority figures (or people I consider to be). This is a topic that's come up with my T, and it's been helpful to explore where that comes from and how I can work to change it (I've had some success).