Transitional objects

I’m wondering how many of you have received transitional objects from your T and what you think of the idea. It has never come up in my therapy but my T is on vacation now and I’m wondering if it would have been helpful. I suppose I could look for an old email from him or a picture of him online, but I like the idea of him taking the time to think of something to give me, sort of an external representation of an internal experience, I guess. I’m also wondering if transitional objects are more common in certain types of therapy. Wondering why my T has never brought it up.

I don't know how much it depends on modality, but I have asked my (humanistic) therapist for two post-it notes so far with phrases that she has said in session that I find helpful.
Whilst that now seems like 'bare minimum' in terms of transitional objects, they continue to help me in between appointments.

I had one T give me a stuffed Wolf. The experience with her was horrible and very damaging and she used the wolf as part of that.
Current T has not offered a transitional object but I kinda beat him to it. We were talking about things that would help me feel safe and stay grounded in session so I made a weighted lap pad to try. My intention was to leave it at his office so I made it to match his office. I never left it. But then H became jealous so I have to be careful if I bring it back out. I do use his web page a lot and another picture of him that is much more current. T has a stuffed elephant in his office that he used one session with me (and scared the daylights out of me) so when H got jealous of the weighted blanket I got a similar stuffed elephant. T gave out little cards (inspirational message but not signed or anything) at the holidays and I keep that in my purse along with his business card. I never look at those though. So, with current T I have them and use them often but I have made them he has never given me one or offered me one.
As hard a time as “younger” me is having right now with what we are processing if I weren’t married I would make something more for that inner child. She is feeling SO unsafe and a better transitional object of T would help her a lot.

I was apparently the first client in Dr. T's more than 15 years of private practice to ask for a transitional object. But shortly before I asked for one, he told me how one of his clients confessed in his final session with him that he'd taken a small stone from the room and used it for comfort (or something like that)--then returned it before he left. And he hadn't seemed too bothered by that, more curious about it.


Of course the original story of Dr. T and what happened with the stone is rather notorious on here (if anyone reading this thread doesn't know it, feel free to ask, and I can PM you). At the time I asked for one (before a PhD program interview), I'd asked about either having some sort of stone from the office or for him to write a short encouraging note--ended up getting both. He'd said I could have looked around the office and picked something, and I did look around, but then he ended up offering me one. It seemed to have more meaning because he'd picked it and handed it to me. (He wrote the note while I was looking around the office).

The stone (and the note, a bit) were comforting to me during that time, like I held it at one point before the interviews, then once during a break, and it felt sort of like he was there with me, supporting me. And I felt that way a couple other times afterward. After I (reluctantly) gave that stone back, I ended up asking for a new one before I was going on vacation with my parents (and he'd be away right after that). He agreed. I picked this one out myself, and it didn't feel the same. I did hold it during a really stressful part of the drive, and it helped some (I told him after that I'd used it then, and he said he imagined I might have). He let me keep that stone after, but I eventually felt it lost its "power." I asked for the original stone back (giving the second one back) and felt a bit more from it. Then I gave it back (tearfully) when I terminated.

A few months after going back, I nervously asked for another stone to have over Thanksgiving. I asked Dr. T to pick it out (a different one--we agreed the other had bad juju). It was rather endearing seeing him wander around the office, considering a couple options. He picked a small one and handed it to me. I've only actually held it a few times since then, but just knowing it's there is nice (I have it in a zipper pocket of my purse.

When I'd asked for the new one (or maybe it was when I asked for the old one back?), I had said I wanted to make sure he was really OK with it. He said he was, that he understood now what it was about for me. So I have to wonder if he either did some reading about it or got more consultation on it (the first consultation, they just validated his uncomfortable feelings about it...). Or if it's just that he knows me better now and understands how it can help.

I do think it depends quite a bit on the T's style and maybe their theoretical orientation as to whether they'd offer a transitional object. When I saw the one T, K, to consult about some stuff with Dr. T, I was trying to explain why the transitional object was helpful to me, and she was like, "Duh! Obviously!" But she also works with kids, so presumably has more developmental psychology training (which would include training on object permanence, stuff like that). Or just her personality. Meanwhile, the T I saw a couple times after terminating with Dr. T, M, seemed puzzled when I mentioned the transitional object. Though he was still a T in training.

Does your T know you're on PC? If so (or if you just want to say "I was reading online about..."), you could say you read about someone getting a transitional object from their therapist and see how he reacts. From there, you could potentially ask if a client has ever asked for one from him. That way, you could sort of feel out his, well, feelings around them before you consider asking for one yourself. And also consider what you think would help--would you want something from his office? (Dr. T has tons of little things sitting around, so I figured there was something he could offer, but many T's have more sparse offices). Do you want him to write you a short note? If so, he may wonder what he should say, so think about what could help. Or for him to leave you a voicemail that you could listen to?

Had another thought, but that was already super long, so making separate post. With ex-MC, I never asked him for a transitional object (or thought to do so), but I sort of created my own. There was a stuffed elephant that my D never played with, and I ended up snuggling it one night when I was feeling lots of transference stuff for ex-MC. I ended up naming the elephant after his first name and would hug it (in private) or have it near me at times I was stressed or missing him. So if your T says no or you don't feel comfortable asking, you could try either buying something or assigning something you already own that you associate with your T. Or, this isn't really the same, but do you have a business card from him?

I've also looked at photos online while he (or ex-MC) were away. Dr. T also said he felt a bit uncomfortable about that, then said he realized if I was just looking at his professional website, that was fine--what I didn't tell him is that I'd looked at photos from his online sport psychology column. So if you opt for the photo thing, be mindful of how your T might react if you told him that. I also said how I looked back at old emails (don't have any voicemails from him), and Dr. T said he was fine with that, as in writing them, he assumed I might look back at them from time to time. With ex-MC, I'd used a really caring voicemail he'd left me a few years before when I'd been in crisis as a sort of transitional object (I forget if I told him about that).


So, just a couple other ideas.

I do save voicemails and emails too but rarely use them.

Also, kind of in reverse but I brought a stuffed animal with me to T that was a security object at an age we are having a really hard time with (I was very untrusting and a bit violent at that age). T offered to keep the stuffed animal in his office and has. It is out of sight from other clients in a closet but it is still there. I am not sure what the plan is or how we will use it but I know it is there if I need it.

My T gave me something of hers while she was on holiday. I found it very comforting. Especially as it's something that means a great deal to her and she trusted me with it. It helped me maintain the connection with her in my mind.

My T has never directly given me transitional objects, but the first time he gave me a tissue, he actually gave me two, and since I didn't use one of them, I took it home and still have it. I also have a reminder for an appointment he once wrote, I keep all his texts, and I write down every single session we've had in as much detail as I can remember. I look at these things or hold them when I need a reminder of him or feel closer to him.
He knows about it, he's fine with it. He has never suggested to consciously create a transitional object, but I think it'd be something that he'd only talk about/do if I brought it up first. He seems like the type to give me something if I asked though.

If you feel it'd be helpful, maybe ask your T after he's back?

Neither of the two women brought up anything like a transitional object. I don't think I would have found such a thing useful.

Former T wrote me a letter (instead of an email) two times when she was going out of the country. It was very helpful. I still have voicemails saved on my phone from her also. I don't have anything from Regular T or Pastor T. I've thought about asking regular T to send me a voicemail but I haven't asked her. I'm chicken.

I've kept written notes he has made in sessions. I don't think they were meant to be comforting as they are quite matter of fact, but the fact that he wrote them and handed them to me was enough for me to latch on to them. I also kept a tissue I took from the tissue box the time when I first cried in session. I have a bottle of perfume that I only use on the day I see him (wasn't a conscious decision, it just happened that way) and now I've come to associate the smell with him. I've kept all the emails too and read them when he's away and I need to feel connected. I also have a photo of him saved in a secret folder on my phone. it's a very, very high resolution one...I can basically see the pores on his face haha. That helps.

i wish i could have a voicemail so i could sometimes listen to his voice. I also wish I could capture the smell in his office. I find it comforting...I genuinely feel like it alters the chemistry of my brain.

Oh, and I've just realised I forgot my favourite. I was talking with R about the therapeutic relationship, being quite honest with her about the impact that P had on me.

R offered to write something for me to remind me that I am safe within our relationship, and arrived for session the following week.

'I'll be right back, I had something for you, but I've left it in the car.'

Mine has given me a lot.

Thanks for your responses. A year or two ago I would have thought the idea was silly for me, but now I think the idea of him giving me something little before leaving would be nice. Still not sure how or if it would help though. I typically email him every one or 2 weeks and usually get a brief response. I think that’s what I miss. If I emailed now while he’s on vacation, I’d just get the out-of-office reply. I still fantasize that he’ll send a surprise email even though I’m 100% sure he won’t.

Maybe next time before he leaves you can ask him to send an email that you can open while he is away?

Yes, that would be great except we very recently had a conversation where he admitted that he “sucks at emails” and he said everyone he knows would agree. I’d say he’s not especially good at the written word, which is a bummer for me because I value that. On the other hand, I am doing “talk therapy” which should by definition be about talking in person and not necessarily communicating by email.

I have a few transitional objects from L: a scarf, magnets she made me, something else she made me, she wrote in my journal, and emails. She also gave me something of hers to take care of while she was on vacation. I've already made a request for a rock, a bracelet (not metal...allergic to silver), and a voicemail. She said she would do those too over time. L is psychodynamic, feminist, and DBT.

From T I have a card, emails, a rock, and a stuffed animal. T is psychodynamic and DBT. And from an ex-T back when I was 18, a stuffed animal and an angel figurine. It was that ex-T who started me on transitional objects. They've helped a ton. But, thinking about it, my parents actually were the first though I'm sure they didn't realize it. They used to let us "check out" their stuffed animals every night. I guess it was our way of having a connection to our parents because they were otherwise neglectful.

I went on a trip out of the country last year and ended up just asking for something. The result was a list that T and I worked on in session and he wrote that included things I needed to remember when I was away. I carried it in my wallet and looked at it frequently. It definitely helped having that piece of paper to hold on to.

My T of 9 years .. right around our one year mark I was going to be out of town for 3 weeks and my T had surgery scheduled the day I was back in townso we would wind up 8 weeks apart. He wrote me a letter of all the things he admired about me.

I carried it in my purse.. it was a big comfort and still is

Hi!

I love transitional objects! No shame in them, so long as it is for therapeutic value.

I have had former therapists give me a blanket, a plant, a card they fill out with writing, between sessions, etc.

I think they can become detrimental when your therapist becomes your abuser. This is a necessary boundary that very few people ever contemplate.

Attachment is dangerous. Be careful.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz