Couch 212: The French Vanilla couch

I suppose that’s one advantage of an opposite-gender T—you won’t run into them in a locker room! Not nudity, but Dr. T did take his shoe off today because he thought he had something in it. He apologized as he was feeling around his sock (the ones with big red roses on them that he wears frequently). Me: “well that’s it, I’m out of here!”

(I stayed, of course.)

In the end I didn't meal prep OR watch TV. The TV show (The Crown) was an episode that included something I find disturbing so, rather than watch, I just left other half to it and went to bed early. Did some cooking this morning so that is done at least, then I had a huge melt down and panic attack so bad I nearly didn't work and called T. When I did speak to T I hung up on her shortly after because she said another client would be there in one minute and I just wanted to get off the phone before they arrived.

I'm a mess but at least I have dinner?

That is why I like the peloton app. It has cycling, walks, runs, weights, yoga and a few other things - without ever leaving the comfort and lack of potential for naked people not of my choosing, of my own home. Although I usually didn't shower at any gym unless I had to go someplace after - which I almost never did because I usually worked out or played racquetball at night

That sounds really difficult, Jane...I'd probably do the same if my T said he was about to have another client come in. Hope you can get some rest tonight.

I need the accountability of getting out of my house. At least, I'm hoping that will help me to actually follow through.

I only use the locker room if I'm swimming. Otherwise I just change at home and leave my stuff in my car.

Are there any classes you can sign up for there? I find that helps. Otherwise, it's like, "Well, I'll go to the gym tomorrow." Then that becomes the next day, and...

Unfortunately, no classes. Maybe if I get used to being physical in front of a few other people, I can sign up for a yoga class elsewhere in town. I just feel so self conscious. That's why I chose this gym, it's not crowded at all during the day.

No photography class this summer. Boo! But, maybe I'll do another psych class - Developmental Psych. The other one that's offered I've already taken. I don't know yet... my geology prof from last semester said she's working on getting geology 102 online so I'm watching for that. I really enjoyed that class & want to take the 2nd one. We shall see!

Thank you for sharing this. I have seen commercials for it but didn't realize it had walks and yoga, I may have to look into that.

They have a 30 day free trial - you don't have to (or I didn't on my iphone) give them a credit card or anything - they let you know when the trial is about to end. I do the rides on my own non-peloton cycle and the walks on my elliptical. They also have an outdoors section and you can download them (but you still need data - I don't know why) to do outdoors. A lot of people (or what seems like a lot to me) use them to train for marathons. The stretching/roller stretches and yoga are good - I do them everyday. If you are on facebook, there is supposed to be a peloton app page.

It is weird for a candidate to be so obviously enjoying their job talk. So weird I want to hire her, now. (It was the best talk, too.)

The last time I was on a hiring committee we had one candidate like this. She just celebrated her 10 year anniversary there!

What happened? Is it a good sign?

I'm asking because some time ago, I went to an interview and they asked to see my design portfolio (from my first career) and they talked quite a lot about what the job would entail. Plus I had to describe my previous job in IT a lot, especially the kind of people I worked with. They seemed to like me.

I had a dream last night where I was having session with Dr. T in an office with a piano. At one point, while I was talking, he sorta laid down on his chair and started playing the piano with his feet (he was wearing socks). I thought it was odd, but just went along with it and made some comment like, "Are you going to play 'Chopsticks'?" and he said not with his feet, he doesn't have that skill level yet.


I'm sure the feet in socks part came from his taking his shoe off yesterday, but it was still pretty random...

I think it is a good sign. If you’ve ever been to a guest lecture by a researcher in school, imagine the speaker clearly having fun during it instead of just reading their talk. I mean, obviously they’re interested in their topic, but they don’t usually show it.

I think obviously enjoying an interview even if it’s a pretense is a good strategy.

Hi All, I cried during session with Pastor T last night. The tears weren't a ridiculous amount, but enough that I had to wipe them away. Oddly enough nothing happened. We were just talking about nothing sad or triggering and I just started crying. Which sometimes happens with me at night. He said maybe it is because I "hold in" my emotions all day. It was super embarrassing. Especially as I had no reason for it. I felt rather stupid, but I am sure he didn't think that. He might have been confused, but I don't think he thinks I am stupid.


Also, I sent my boss an apology email today for "correcting" him yesterday in the meeting. Apparently he wasn't offended by it (thankfully!!!!) and from now on I will just keep my mouth shut. It must have been that I wasn't feeling well because normally I am not impulsive like that. But I had a migraine coming on, a billion things to do on my desk, and a boring meeting that was having inaccurate facts presented to the team. But the boss came and saw me this morning, thanked me for my email apology and said we were good and we fist bumped. So now I can stop stressing. HUGS to anyone who wants one, Kit

I know you didn't ask, but I like that dream, it brings to mind him being "in tune" with you. That is, if what he was playing was in tune lol.

My dream maker has been fairly silent lately, sadly. A direct result of not being in therapy, probably and also because I have been doing a lot of creative outlet-ing so that creativity is no longer coming out in dreams only or something.

Oh, I like the "being in tune" interpretation. I didn't mention this part, but at the end of the dream, I went to use the bathroom, then was just going to leave. Dr. T was like, "Wait! I was going to go to that shop nearby that sells the juices and healthy snacks. Let me walk out with you." Which felt nice, because he didn't want me to just walk out.


Sorry your dreams have been more quiet lately, but it makes sense that you're getting your creativity out in other areas, so there's less of a need for them to come out at night.

Hugs, Kit. I'm sure Pastor T wasn't bothered by your crying. I often cry in front of my T--I even was crying a bit with the backup one I saw last week. I do apologize at times if I'm really emotional and don't know why, then I'll say something like, "I don't know why I'm apologizing for crying, you're a therapist." It happened 2 weeks ago, for example, when I got super emotional when talking about T going away, like sobbing. At that time, I was embarrassed that I was reacting so strongly to his going away, but he was really understanding and caring about it. For me, sometimes I think I just need to get the emotions out.


And glad your boss is OK with everything. I think it's good you pointed out that they were using inaccurate numbers--you're just doing your job.

Speaking of snacks, LT, this is me lately:

I don't know which can get me worked up faster - reading the therapist forum on reddit or watching tv evangelists. They seem so similar.

Maybe you need some shnacks.

I'm thinking about a snack of bell pepper strips and hummus. What I really want is chocolate, because work is so frustrating at the moment, but there isn't any in the house so peppers and hummus it is. Thankfully it is lunch time.

haha that is cute!