[precaryous]

Therapy last Friday (two days ago) was very unusual. T came to therapy with her arm in a sling!

Apparently, T tripped the day before while walking to her University class and sprained her arm. (She has a challenging time getting around, anyway, and uses a cane.) She said there were no handicapped parking slots near where she needed be so she had to walk a fair distance. Plus, maintenance had strung irrigation hoses all around in her path and she tripped on them and fell.

She said workman’s comp was making it difficult for her and they don’t want to pay her medical bills. I feel so bad for her.

But this was odd and confusing- after telling me what happened, T spent the first five minutes of my session trying to fill out the workman’s comp forms. She told me to ‘go ahead’ and start talking....I’m like, are you sure?...she even tried to throw in a question or two. Then she set the paperwork aside.

The rest of the session was normal.

Ok, I realize T didn’t go about this the right way at all.

Here’s all my defenses of her: I’m not sure if there was an urgency for her to get the paperwork done. Maybe she feels so comfortable with me she thought she could write and listen, too. She has been SO generous with her time and attention these past five years. I’m chalking this experience up to her still feeling shaken up about falling, the doctor (ER?) visit, the frustration of workman’s comp, etc. She’s 70 whatever years old. She’s human.

T won’t be in next week. At least she’ll have two weeks to settle and heal.

This is totally not like her. I mean, she’s not always laser-like sharp and in the room with me at all other times but this was odd and confusing.

I’m not mad at her. I guess I’ll just wait and see if this is just a one time slip or if she continues to have difficulties segueing from her real life into the session with me. If it continues to be a concern, I’ll bring it up.

I realize I’m sensitive to therapists doing odd things and boundaries, etc. bc of my past bad experiences with unethical exploitive therapists. I will likely let this go if we are back to normal when I see her again in two weeks.

[Yaowen]

I'm so very sorry this happened to you Precaryous!

Given your past distressing experiences, I think your thoughts and feelings in this matter are completely understandable. Having had good and dreadful experiences with therapists myself, I can really empathize with what you describe.

Hopefully sessions with your therapist will be better in the future.

I wish you only good things! -- Yaowen

[Omers]

Yeh, totally not cool... but, like you, as long as it was a one time random thing I wouldn’t get too worked up about it.

[*Beth*]

Odd. One time thing...okaaay...I guess. I dunno...the last time I saw my T she started the session by telling me how she took her granddaughter shopping for a prom dress. Spent 10 mins telling me about the shopping trip. Comfortable with me or not, it irritated the heck out of me. We're not buds, after all.

I'll make a deal with you, precaryous. If either of our T's do that type of BS again, we'll speak up. okay? As in...I feel like you're treating me like a friend and I'm not uncomfortable with that...

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Odd. One time thing...okaaay...I guess. I dunno...the last time I saw my T she started the session by telling me how she took her granddaughter shopping for a prom dress. Spent 10 mins telling me about the shopping trip. Comfortable with me or not, it irritated the heck out of me. We're not buds, after all.

I'll make a deal with you, precaryous. If either of our T's do that type of BS again, we'll speak up. okay? As in...I feel like you're treating me like a friend and I'm not uncomfortable with that...

Thank you, I agree.

I do feel uncomfortable with it. I don’t mind her back story since her arm was in a sling...it was obvious something had happened. But I’m concerned about her taking time from my hour for her to fill out her forms. I mean, it was just awkward...and weird. She actually acted like she could carry on a meaningful conversation with me while she was looking down and filling in the paperwork. It would have been less awkward if she’d said she needed a minute and kept me in the waiting room for an extra five minutes.

It’s not just about the time she used exactly, it was just awkward and confusing.

I’m pretty sure it was a one time deal but it felt like a bit of a red flag since I had had a previous bad therapist trample our boundaries and exploit me in the past..and it kinda started with small things like this. Then the small things led to bigger things and, at the time, I didn’t know much about holding my own boundaries or therapist ethics. So, when it came to bigger boundary breaches with that bad therapist I figured, “this must be how therapy is done in California, “ and WHAM.
Boy, I was wrong !

I’m sure Current T meant no harm. She wouldn’t hurt a mouse...really! I will be watching to see if we start sliding down into a hole..cuz I’m not going there again.

[precaryous]

It was the kinda scary weird when you wonder if your T might have a touch of dementia...but not that serious.

She was probably just shaken up by the accident and paperwork and made the wrong decision. She corrected it, though, and put the paperwork aside.

This sounds like strange behaviour. It seems encouraging that she corrected herself and her reason for being disruptive to the session seems understandable - however, the accident had happened the day before so you might expect that she had had time to process her response and decide whether she was able to be present in the session or not. Maybe she misjudged her ability to be there for you, she's human after all. The most significant factor is that it has left you with questions about your emotional safety, her trustworthiness and her (declining?) ability to be aware. They are big considerations for you. Did she explicitly acknowledge that she had mis-stepped by addressing the paperwork? I would be keen to hear her explanation and an apology rather than having to fill in the blanks for myself.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

This sounds like strange behaviour. It seems encouraging that she corrected herself and her reason for being disruptive to the session seems understandable - however, the accident had happened the day before so you might expect that she had had time to process her response and decide whether she was able to be present in the session or not. Maybe she misjudged her ability to be there for you, she's human after all. The most significant factor is that it has left you with questions about your emotional safety, her trustworthiness and her (declining?) ability to be aware. They are big considerations for you. Did she explicitly acknowledge that she had mis-stepped by addressing the paperwork? I would be keen to hear her explanation and an apology rather than having to fill in the blanks for myself.

No, she didn’t address the paperwork or acknowledge it was a mistake other than putting it aside and making a motion with her hand like sweeping it aside.

It’s a small thing and yes, she’s human, but I think I need to ask her about it because i found it out of character, odd, and it did scare me a little.

Originally Posted by precaryous

No, she didn’t address the paperwork or acknowledge it was a mistake other than putting it aside and making a motion with her hand like sweeping it aside.

It’s a small thing and yes, she’s human, but I think I need to ask her about it because i found it out of character, odd, and it did scare me a little.

I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I think it is a small thing. I definitely don't think it is a small thing. I would be very bothered by it and I would find it very unsettling.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I think it is a small thing. I definitely don't think it is a small thing. I would be very bothered by it and I would find it very unsettling.

@comrademoomoo
No, thank you, you didn’t give me an impression that it is a small thing. I don’t want you to think that.

It’s what I’ve been telling myself.

It bothered me. And I’ve been using these past several days separating out why.

I know I’m not supposed to take care of T’s feelings but it will hurt her to realize she may have done something wrong. We made an agreement a few years back that if either of us did something that bothered either her or me, we would bring it up. So, I’ll tell her. She would want me to.

[sophiebunny]

If my therapist started to do personal business during my session, I'd be unhappy. I'm really accepting that therapists and psychiatrists have lives outside the therapeutic session and those lives should be respected, especially by clients/patients. However, this was YOUR time. Either you or your insurance company was paying for that hour. You should be her sole focus. If she was too preoccupied with her personal business in that moment, she should have rescheduled you with a huge apology. It's a pain to be suddenly rescheduled but its preferable to having a session where your therapist is only half paying attention to you. She was disrespectful.

[precaryous]

Hi!
Update.

I told T about my concern about her doing paperwork during my hour. I started by telling her it was perfectly alright with me..and I’d prefer it...if she left me in the waiting room if she had urgent business to attend to. We could make up the time lost at the end of the session or another day. She thought that was thoughtful of me.

Then I told her it concerned/bothered me when she attempted to fill out her personal paperwork (unrelated to me) but still thought she could run the session and hear whatever I had to say or respond. I told her I want her in the room with me.

I said the unusual situation bothered me more than I expected. I guessed it reminded me of AbusivePDoc. The abuse started like that with simple, unusual boundary slips...that I let go....which became worse and different over time. Unusual boundary crossings became usual...which ended very badly.

T said she’s glad I brought it up because if I don’t bring up concerns, she has no way of correcting, talking about them or even being aware they exist. I was afraid I’d hurt her by saying anything. It seems like such a small thing that will probably never happen again. She said now she can see it from my perspective and she apologized.

She said it’s a sign of progress for me that I was able to address it with her.

She doesn’t want to hurt me. I don’t feel hurt.
We are fine, I think.

[Salmon77]

I think it's great that you were open about your feelings on this, and also good that she apologized. It sounds like a good resolution.

[Rive.]

Frankly, she shouldn't have done it in the first place.. As the T she ought to have known better.

That being said, it's really great that you told her about it.

[precaryous]

No, she shouldn’t have done it and should have known better.
I feel her boundaries tightening already and I’m not sure I like it.
But that’s fair. She’s correcting her mistake and I can’t have it both ways.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I'm glad you spoke with her and she apologized. Sounds like something had just happened concerning paperwork and it had her flustered that day in that moment. Having had those kinds of flustered moments in my life when I wasn't thinking quite straight because of worry about something, I get that. In hindsight, she seemed to realize and stopped herself and then apologized when you brought it up to her. That's good.

[*Beth*]

Good for you for being upfront with your therapist, that takes courage and excellent self care.

Hopefully her slip-up was just that...a slip-up.


Is it possible that she was pushing your boundaries to encourage you to say something about being mistreated?

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Good for you for being upfront with your therapist, that takes courage and excellent self care.

Hopefully her slip-up was just that...a slip-up.


Is it possible that she was pushing your boundaries to encourage you to say something about being mistreated?

I don’t think so. I believe her actions were unintentional.

What I think happened is she’s 70+ years old and already has mobility issues and uses a cane. I think the fall and spraining her arm really shook her up. She would have had to cancel her University classes that day (a rare move for her) and see a doctor.

I think she was preoccupied with the added stress of getting workman’s comp to agree to pay her medical bills. Plus, she was trying to fill out the forms...and do everything...one-handed. Dress, Drive, Type, Write. What a mess for anyone.

I’m guessing her intentions at the time were to ‘not keep me waiting.’ She knows I’m a fairly patient person and I think she feels comfortable with me.

So, no, I don’t think she did it intentionally, although it did bring up unresolved anger issues I have involving a previous exploitative therapist.

[*Beth*]

Ohhhh...yes, that makes sense. My T is almost 70 and has mobility issues. She is so kind and loving, but sometimes she's too comfortable with me.