[AlwaysForgotten]

/vent
I have been seeing my T for several months now. we just switched to teletherapy.

My first video session did not go as i had expected.

First T forgets to send me the link to the session. he sends me the link after our appointment time. i had thought the link is in the portal and when i joined in, T was not there. so it was a different link. when i joined in, he didnt even know i was there, seems like he was doing something else on his computer.

we start the session and it feels off. As in I dont feel he is focussed like he is in F2F session. i could tell by the look on his face. he seemed distracted. snacked through out the session. and just felt he didnt really care. i was doing most of the talking and it seemed like he was bored. he kept on reaching for his snack and eating. i found this distracting for me and felt maybe he is hungry and his attention is towards food. it felt like he was just sitting there casually, not really present. i was feeling so bad and uncomfortable that i just wanted the session to end . it would have been more awkward to leave early, so i continued till the end.

at the end, he said something relating to one of his office policies changing. he prefaced it, "as i mentioned before...." . i told him he has not mentioned this to me and i was unaware. he goes "oh i forgot to mention it to you...." and this change does effect me, so i am thinking what if he did not mention this today, i would have not known. his other clients know and i do not.
how do u remember to share this info with some clients and with some u forget?

this left me irritated and has been bothering me a great deal. to the point, i have taken a day off from work. i am self reflecting. His lack of presence and interest in the session is making me feel like he does not care.
i totally wasted my money and his time. the whole session seemed so superficial.
I understand for some, T eating during a session is not a big deal. but to me it said " you are boring and what you are saying is not interesting or important to me, at this moment, this food is more important”

I am also thinking out of all his clients i am one of clients he easily forgets.
wondering why this is ? this is something that often happens to me. as u can tell by my username.

I do have another appt scheduled, and i do not want to keep it.

I am leaning towards telling him teletherapy is not working for me.

i hate the fact i am so hurt, disappointed, confused and hundred other things that i have had to take a day off from my work.

being in a lockdown is depressing in itself and i really dont need anything more to bring me down furthur. i am lucky to have a job that is letting me WFH. i dont want to take this for granted. My job is important to me and this therapy session has just really broken me today.

I think this medium of video conferencing is just not suited for T and I .

I have done video conference with a different T before and the experience was very positive ! so i was hopeful this will work .

/ventover

[SlumberKitty]

I wouldn't like it if my T was eating throughout the session, video conferencing or not. Do that on their own time, not the time I'm paying for. I'm sorry the connection wasn't there. I do think video is harder than face to face but it seems to be a reality these days with the COVID 19 virus. Is this a new thing because of the virus? Were your sessions with the therapist in person better--connecting better? If the videoconferencing is due to the COVID 19 virus, I'd say maybe ask for a phone session instead and see if that gets better until you can go back to face to face. But if it is going to be teletherapy from here on out, maybe this isn't the therapist for you. I'm sorry this session hit you so hard. Hang in there. Kit

[Omers]

I’m sorry, that was really unprofessional and sucky. My T does sometimes eat his lunch or have a snack during our session but he always asks if I am OK with it first. Then he will eat/snack maybe the first 5 min at most and then runs the session over by that time. So, to me it is a win win. I get more time and he gets what he needs... but again, he always asks first and I know if I said “not today” he would be totally OK with that. My T showed me that he had done all the usual things he does to help me be comfortable in our sessions. We had some snafoos and he was slightly less professional than usual but all in all he was still professional and focused on me. In your situation I would let T know how I felt. Honestly it all sounded pretty unprofessional so I would give T one more session for us to talk it out. If they were not acting more professional I would look for another T.

[zoiecat]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I can totally relate. My T used to constantly scroll through my old notes during session and I felt he was distracted with it so I finally got up the nerve to say something. He apologized and has made a point of keeping his laptop closed during session now and he takes his notes on paper. When we started our video sessions I could see that he was doing it again. I could see his eyes going back and forth reading and sensed the distraction again. This time I told him at the end of the session and he admitted that he was reviewing old notes for me and said he will be sure to shut down all windows except the video at our next session.

Video is new to all of us and sometimes we just need to speak up and tell T that they are doing something that is bothering us or making us feel that they are not being attentive. I bet if you voiced your feelings your T would be thankful and happy to make any corrections necessary. Good luck. I know I hate the video sessions as well but then again I think our T probably don't like it either. My T has said it does not allow him to judge when I am dissociating as well and he can't view my body language or see how fast I am doing my EMDR taps. I'm sure it will get better over time. Try to allow both of you some time to adjust.

[divine1966]

Eating his snacks???? You got to be kidding me. What the...

[AlwaysForgotten]

i found him to be very present during face to face sessions and more connected.

this was just so laid back and whatever type situation.

he drinks water in session, which is perfectly fine. but has never eaten anything. so why did he think this was ok in video conference?

I am gonna cancel tele therapy sessions for now and wait till he starts sessions in office.

i dont want to deal with this therapy heartache right now.

thank u all for reading and validing <3

[sophiebunny]

My therapist sometimes eats her lunch during my session. I drink tea, she eats her lunch. It's kind of cozy. I've never had a problem with it. However, if it bothers you, you need to say something. He /she can't know what you don't tell them. The transition from a standard office appointment to a video appointment takes time. Learning the new rules is something you both are going through. It's kind of a good time to revisit what works for you in session and what doesn't. I personally hate video, but it's the modality we've got so we make the best of it. My therapist knows I hate staring at her through a computer screen. She tries to make it less impersonal so it doesn't feel so stiff and formulaic to me. I doubt we will do any deep work till we are back in her office, but she knows that. Right now its maintenance things.

I just had a phone session with my psychiatrist. He and I have logged a lot of phone hours in over the past 25 years dealing with crises. I can talk to him almost as easily on the phone as in his office. He and I get deeper because I'm more comfortable.

I guess what I'm suggesting is that you have a conversation with your therapist about what does and doesn't work for you while you are doing video therapy. If you cannot make the modality tolerable for you, see how they feel about phone sessions. The good news is the epidemic won't last forever. So, for most people teletherapy is a temporary arrangement.

[Rive.]

Does he have a track record of being like this with you (easily forgotten, not interested etc.)? If so, I would move on.

As for eating. I find that extremely unprofessional. IF he were literally starving the proper thing to do (just my opinion) would be to ask you if you minded. I don't believe he was starving and he, as the T, ought to have time-managed so he did not eat on a client's time.

So, yes, if this sort of behaviour is the norm for him please move on. He is just taking your money and wasting your time..

[LilyMop]

It sounds like this therapy session was a waste of your time. I agree with you that resuming sessions in his office might be better. If the disconnect continues I would definitely find another therapist.