Couch 215: The Overcoming Couch

I tried to go to Walmart tonight for some command strips to hang up the letters and picture frames I painted, but they were all closed. Guess they were ordered to close because of the riots. Not sure how long they'll be closed either. Pictures of downtown make me scared and overwhelmed for everyone involved.

H is still over tonight...I don't know why he thinks Friday to Monday is the weekend. He also told me something that was really hurtful today. I could post it on here if anyone cares to know. I really don't know why the comment made me so upset though.

Good news is my daughters' room is finished, at least with the painting part. Have to put up the border, decals, and all the other stuff back. Not sure if I'll stay up later tonight to do it or wait until tomorrow.

Walmarts close nationwide about 8:30PM. That change was made about 6 weeks ago so the stores have time to restock and sanitize due to COVID.

I showered!
Yep, it was in the middle of my work day...but I did it.
It's been way too long. I hate this part of depression.

I don't know where you're located, but I did read that some Walmarts , Targets, and CVSes in the Minneapolis area have closed due to the riots.

Nine people were arrested in the city adjacent to me (like 5 miles away). There was no looting or injuries, yet the police fired tear gas and had ****ing tanks. This is really troubling to me. I was not there, so I obviously don't know what happened. However, I do wonder why they did that. Given the behavior I know police are historically prone to during protests, I admit I am not particularly inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. I think they are scared and some also have a power complex and they either forget or just don't care about people's first amendment right to peaceably assemble. The possibility that a protest might escalate seems to be enough in the mind of many police forces to use violence as if they are at war against American citizens. It's ironic that there seems to be no self awareness that this behavior just reinforces the negative perception of LEO and is probably a major factor in protests escalating into riots.

It's all really disturbing.

I've found the rioting to be very stressful. I'm not even in a city that is rioting (I'm kind of rural) but I see it on TV and it just seems like each night is worse. I'm not upset about the protesting, I think that is for a good reason and I think everyone should have the opportunity to protest whatever they feel like, but rioting is so much different than protesting. I'm finding it triggering.

I feel like I made the right decision to stop seeing Pastor T. I feel relieved mostly. He was so constrictive. He did help me in some ways. And I'm thankful for that. I picked up a thank you card that had a huge cup of coffee on it like you would get from Starbucks. He loves Starbucks. I hope he is amused. I do thank him for the time he spent with me but I'm not regretting my decision. It was way too stressful seeing him.

PSA: If you think your T might have overcharged you, be careful when you investigate. As you may realize that, in fact, you owe *him* money. But he was very kind about it and is actually only charging me half of what I owe him ($100 instead of $200) because he said it was partly due to his carelessness and partly a reward for my honesty. I also learned that my T sucks at accounting, and also math.

Also, phone calls about finances are sort of awkward, especially if you've just had an emotional session an hour before.

(This all stemmed from a fraudulent charge that my credit card alerted me to that led me to carefully scour my statements for the past couple months.)

It sounds like he knows very well that they are not, but is pushing the boundaries every chance he gets. Please be safe.

Hey guys, if you could be anyone you wanted to be for like a week, living, or dead, or made up, who would you want to be? I want to be a mix of Mary Poppins and Alice in Wonderland. One I want to experience what it is like to clean just by singing and snapping my fingers and two, I would love to be able to escape into another world. I would also like to be Beth in Little Women before she dies, an astronaut, Madame Curie, Charlotte Bronte, someone who works at Disneyland--although that might spoil the magic! Maybe some other people. I would need multiple weeks. Just not in a row. I would want to go back to being myself in between.

LT, that awkwardness was why I've always loved a therapist with office people to handle the financial end. Completely eliminates that issue.

LT, in my book you get credit for bringing this up to your T. I wouldn't have been able to. I am still paying my T a copay even though I have reached my maximum out of pocket contribution to my insurance for the year!

Update on the situation with my Spanish professor - she sent me the following email today:

You may use your English-Spanish dictionary or your textbook to complete the regular VHL homework. However, stay away from electronic translators and other people tranlating for you. I cannot properly assess your understanding of the material and provide appropriate feedback when you do not work through the exercises yourself. Remember that the objective of the homework is not to get a perfect grade, but to learn and practice the material.

The bolded part is kind of bizarre because 90% of the exercises have unlimited attempts allowed - so why wouldn't I aim for a perfect score? It even highlights what you got wrong for heaven's sake! I would have to just be lazy to not take advantage of that and earn 100 whenever possible. If other students aren't doing that, I have no idea why. It is true that I don't always have to have a second attempt, but that's because the online learning system is designed really well to help you learn and retain the information. Plus, if I feel like I didn't absorb everything, I rewatch and redo the retention exercises before doing the more complicated writing activities.

I just don't get it. I feel like I'm not doing anything special or that any other student would be unable to do, but she's acting like my performance is so unnatural that the only explanation is that I'm using translators or a Spanish speaker.

I kind of wish I could go take a test in person to prove I'm doing my own work...

Agreed--it was like that where ex-T and ex-MC worked (same practice). And my p-doc is like that as well.

Have you considered maybe taking French instead in order to not have to deal with someone who seems to have you in her sights from the get-go?

I don't know. Maybe having to deal with the financial aspect of the relationship is part of the work. Just because you deal with a front office doesn't make the fact that you pay them not exist.

That's a good point. It does help reinforce the reality of the relationship, and maybe it's helped the transference stay more at bay in this case. Though Dr. T will also make some comments like, "Well, I do have to pay the bills" if I say I appreciate his being will to see me 3 times a week lately. Or the one really awkward time, I think last year, when I thanked him for being willing to see me for an extra session, and he said it would allow him to buy a solar-powered iphone charger. I understand he was trying to say he got something out of it as well, but it also sort of felt like he got this fun tech item out of my suffering...

No, that just seems like the wrong thing to say. I would probably find those comments hurtful. The things my therapist says are usually in the context of him caring about me and it's not because there's money involved.

Isn’t that one of sd’s theories why therapists become therapists?

Have her watch you take one on Zoom.

Una, of course!

Thats made-up, right?

You’re as real as my iPad screen!

Earlier sat through the school president talking about reopening in the fall. Masks and smart thermometer checks for all students. Possibly shortened semester. Staggered student attendance. Classrooms to be set up with Zoom so staggered attendance is possible. Salary cuts. Plastic shields for faculty to teach behind.

Sounds like fun.