[WastingAsparagus]

Hi, so despite multiple times where I say, I'm done with therapy with you, and despite multiple things that probably ought to make me consider therapy with someone else, I still stick with the same therapist. I am wondering why, I guess.

I am looking for the right person. It really stinks to not have the right therapist.

I know it's not working with my current therapist. I know the only change I've really experienced in the past few months is likely just because of my meds and lowering them a little bit.

My psychiatrist thinks that none of this is med-related. I am just in a hole right now. It's like I have 0 explanation for what is going on with me.

I feel really low about all this.

Anyway, does anyone know what I could do in this circumstance? I know I should probably just get away from this therapist because she is not helping me, but for some reason I cannot. I don't know, it just seems like nothing is really going to help me right now. Perhaps that's false?

[Travelinglady]

Maybe you're afraid to let go until you find someone else. I suggest you start therapist shopping. When you start actually meeting with someone else, then that will help you let go.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Maybe you're afraid to let go until you find someone else. I suggest you start therapist shopping. When you start actually meeting with someone else, then that will help you let go.

I was going to suggest the same. And you don't need to tell your current T that you're therapist shopping or if you set up an appointment or two with another T to try them out.

[Rive.]

I would suggest not booking an appointment with them.

Maybe quitting cold-turkey would give you the incentive to search for another, hopefully more helpful, T.

It is hard to break up a habit anyway and, more often than not, the familiar (even if not... pleasant or useful) is what we prefer to stick with. Until and unless there is a shake-up somewhere. Hence why I suggested you taking the action to not book/quit.

[Lemoncake]

Send an email saying you don't want anymore therapy for now. You don't have to reply to any follow up messages you may get.

Take it day by day.

[WastingAsparagus]

The thing is, it's hard because this particular therapist has basically put the idea in my head that she is the only therapist out there that can help me. I'm glad I'm talking about this stuff here. Because I don't think she treated me very well. On the outside she seemed like a really nice person and stuff. But I am honestly still recovering from the stuff I went through with her.

She, for one, told me various things like that I shouldn't go to peer support groups and things like that.

She upped session frequency to 3x per week because she wasn't helping enough. Each session was 30 minutes in length.

I don't understand. I think therapy is supposed to become less frequent, not more frequent. It is ridiculous to say, but she convinced me of various things like that I needed to have therapy more often because of my condition. She seemed to think that it would be a lifelong battle with whatever it was I was dealing with, something she would never specify...

I don't know what to say. It's just upsetting that I worked with her for so long and I am trying to pick up the pieces, especially during this covid-19 time.

She also tried to convince me that I could only grow if I were to do therapy with her, because there were advantages to doing therapy with her, such as that I had been working with her for longer than other therapists, etc. All of these, in hindsight, seem like red flags to me. I think as a therapist, you're supposed to be objective and nonjudgmental. She was the opposite of that. She acted like she was nonjudgmental but actually her behavior showed reproach for certain negative behaviors I would engage in. Then she would get frustrated with me when I wanted to quit therapy with her because I was not respecting the process!

Anyway, I am glad I am voicing all of this. Because it's definitely not right and I don't think it was good of her to treat me in this way.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that there are red flags there. Her suggesting she's the only one who can help you particularly stands out to me. I'd definitely try looking elsewhere. It can be easier once you make an appointment with someone else. With ex-T, I made an appointment with now-current T, and just told her that at the end of the session (probably not the best way to handle it, but oh well). At the time, I said I was just taking a break to try someone else for a month or two and planned to come back, and if I opted not to return permanently, I'd at least come in for a termination session (which I never did...). So it could be easier to just go ahead and set up an appointment, then either tell her at the end of a session, or don't tell her, go to the other appointment and see the new T. If you like him/her, then you could just call/text/email your T to cancel appointments. She seems like the sort who would try to convince you to stay if you told her in person, so it may be best to just go that route. As in, start seeing someone else, then contact her to cancel upcoming sessions.

[downandlonely]

I don't like that she told you not to attend peer support groups. I find them more helpful than individual therapy.

[Rive.]

It seems she has been manipulating you in believing she is the only one who can help. This is very concerning and a major red flag.

I don't know what game she is playing: does she truly believe she is the one able to help you (I see that as pure arrogance) or does she want to keep her cash flow coming..

A competent, skilled, moral T would encourage clients' self-growth and also their exploring other options.... not keeping a noose around your neck claiming they are your saviour. The client makes the decision(s) *not* the T. She is not letting you exercise your free agency. That is not ethical.

I would advise you to start interviewing other Ts.