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Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: The World
Posts: 278
4 16 hugs
given |
#241
With lockdown measures beings increased again I know this is going to mean the end of face to face sessions again. I can’t keep doing this, I need reliability and consistency and right now everything is f***ed up because of this virus. I am so angry.
I just need someone. Someone who cares. I want somebody to wrap their arms around me and hold me whilst I sob and there is nobody that can do that, and even without Covid I know that would violate boundaries. I’m so alone and right now I don’t want to stay in a world that is so messed up. I want to email you but what would be the point? You can’t stop what I feel. |
Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: US
Posts: 66
6 |
#242
s,
i really like you. wish i had met you before i started seeing t. so many wasted years. thank you. thank you. thank you! me __________________ Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Wales
Posts: 197
4 269 hugs
given |
#243
I’m really sorry if I said something to upset you today. If it was about being understood, I know you understand me as best you can. But you can’t post videos about why we are all fated to be lonely and then expect me to feel all loving and connected, can you? I cried when I watched it, and then didn’t message my friend because we are all alone and no one can really understand us like you said. I miss you.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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susannahsays
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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,301
(SuperPoster!)
11 8,149 hugs
given |
#244
Talking with you 2x a week is helpful for me. I'm glad you are willing to "meet" twice a week again. I'm sorry that I've made you worry and feel sad that I've been struggling. But things are doing better now and I'm taking my medications
__________________ |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,799
12 3,133 hugs
given |
#245
Don't know how to feel about your silence in the wake of my most recent email.
I know we'll talk about it tomorrow, but I would have appreciated an acknowledgement. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,775 hugs
given |
#246
I am feeling overwhelmed and impotent and I wish I could talk to you 3x a week right now. But considering I still also feel like I can never face you again, this is a conundrum. I need to find a new t.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 916
7 409 hugs
given |
#247
Thank you for really starting to listen to me. Or, maybe it is finally that you are compromising and showing me that you are listening. I am working so hard and I know you have always acknowledged that but I am finally starting to see some progress in myself. I know have always wanted the best for me and have never given up. I know I have not made things easy for you and I appreciate you telling me that I should only trust you as much as I feel comfortable with. Thank you for admitting that you screw up sometimes and thank you for trying to change your ways and fix those mistakes. I know I still have a mountain to climb, but together we make a good team.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
14 101 hugs
given |
#248
You didn't know what to say yesterday. And that bugs me. It's like there was so much I that email that you had a hard time formulating words.
I'm going to try another approach to setting goals. I'm hoping it will help. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#249
Dear T,
Sorry for the pathetic email, but that's sort of where I'm at right now... Love, LT |
SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,775 hugs
given |
#250
hugs LT. pathetic is rather where I'm at right now too.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,161
6 1,834 hugs
given |
#251
Well, you just made the 4 year old want you more. Do you have to be so sweet and loving?
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chihirochild, downandlonely, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,775 hugs
given |
#252
That was super-duper hard you know. i honestly didn't think i would be able to face you again. my guilt complex is one hell of a nasty beast that pulls me under so deep. you saw just how deep, that I wasn't even there for a few minutes. Who DOES live at the center of it?! I don't ****ing know but whoever he is scares the living hell out of me. You asked me how I finally got out of it, all I could think of was by sheer force of stubborn will. You asked what I saw - I said I did not see myself - but I felt oh how I felt and I did not like how I felt and I used my stubbornness to force myself to look at your face on my screen and to force my body to stop fidgeting and to push words out of my mouth even though the guilt monster was trying to clamp my mouth closed. Damn, L. That sucked. My shadow is terrifying. And now it is storming outside, how ****ing fitting. Thank you for sticking with me through that mess.
Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Jul 01, 2020 at 07:43 PM.. |
downandlonely, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,775 hugs
given |
#253
Quote:
I am relating to this. My birthday is Saturday and when L asked me a few minutes ago during my session which birthday (she thought I was 55, bless her heart) I said that today I was feeling 58 going on 5. |
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,775 hugs
given |
#254
oh and L, do NOT ever call me that word again. I don't care if it IS my shadow. Don't do it. Just, don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Jul 01, 2020 at 09:02 PM.. |
downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#255
Dear T: Thanks for randomly texting me out of the blue letting me know you are thinking of me. That was sweet. It was also a little strange. I'm mostly pleased that you did that, and a little puzzled. It seems weird that you were the one to initiate contact, but then, it was such a nice contact. Confusing feelings, T. Confusing feelings. Wish I could see you in person. Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#256
Maybe it would be better to go back down to one session a week for the rest of july before you leave for august.
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
ArtieTheSequal, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,775 hugs
given |
#257
even though you upset me yesterday by calling me that word I cannot abide and i was who knows where for awhile and it was so hard and uncomfortable all the way around I still wish I could see you more than once a week the rest of this month because if I did, we could probably power through this ****. but you only gave me 2 more sessions - in 2 weeks and then 2 more weeks, and I didn't ask why. Maybe you're finally sick of me and wanting to get rid of me for good. I hope so. I really hope so. Because that would mean that you wouldn't send me emails like some ambulance chaser that make me want to come back. I never would have called you this time - if you hadn't emailed letting me know you were available.
And, you were really hard on me yesterday. i hope it was just your version of tough love or something. We'll see what happens in 2 weeks and I may or may not cancel the one after that. I mean ****, I can beat myself up way better than you can and save the hundred bucks. |
downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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susannahsays
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
5 1 hugs
given |
#258
I hope you don't have COVID... I feel like grilling you about your symptoms but that would be inappropriate. Besides, seems like everything is possibly a symptom of COVID.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
ArtieTheSequal, downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, MissUdy, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Member
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Wales
Posts: 197
4 269 hugs
given |
#259
You said you messaged me accidentally on purpose and that the unconscious makes us do things like that sometimes, That nothing is really and accident....and that you were glad you did it. Then you did it some more. Now you ignore it completely. How can this be about me? What is going on please? Who logged in to my account and removed everything? I’m so upset and confused and now I don’t have you to turn to.
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downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,775 hugs
given |
#260
I sure hope things go more smoothly when we talk again in 2 weeks.
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downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, MissUdy, SlumberKitty
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Closed Thread |
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