[*Beth*]

My therapist of 2 years has been out sick for several weeks. We've missed 8 sessions. She's struggling with severe asthma. I don't doubt for a minute that she is ill, and that she wants to return to work as soon as she's strong enough. A week ago she sent a text to her receptionist so the receptionist could read it to me. I really appreciated that.

But then more time has dragged on, more sessions lost. T was supposed to return Monday; now it's "maybe" Wednesday (I'll be surprised if she's back before August).

Is it reasonable to expect her to send me an email, just a few lines, so I know we're still connected? Or, since she's sick, is it standard for a therapist to be in contact only when back in the office? (We don't text and very occasionally email.)

Has anyone been in this situation (a T out sick for more than 2 weeks, say)?

[nottrustin]

not my T but my pdoc. My pdoc was out for 8 weeks. All the would tell me tell me was that she was out for 8 weeks for 8 weeks for medical reasons. My T jad passed away suddenly in an accident 4 months before. It was horrible!! I had been her client for 8 years plus we were coworkers for a year or so before that. To make matters worse, somebody at the hospital I work in (pdoc also use to work there) started telling people Pdoc had a cancerous brain tumor. Panic set in. Eventually pdoc did come back. We talked about it and she told me she had a non cancerous brain tumor removed. I told her about the rumor at work. She was really upset. she had struggled with whether to contact me or not because she knew about T and my abandonment issues. He supervised told her she needed to completely let work go and concentrate on her health. The didnt know if it was cancerous or not until they did a biopsy after the surgery. So she agreed and didn't contact me. It was a painful 2 months. The only help for me was that current T had also worked with pdoc at her current location and were friends. She knew if there was anything that went wrong she would hear and would be able to tell me.

[*Beth*]

The things people go through, my God. My pdoc had cancer some time back and worked every single day through chemo. Everyone in the office was like..."Is she really a human?" How she worked like that is beyond me. Amazing. Or amazingly crazy.

Yeah. I understand why most would need to really disconnect from work in order to heal themselves. The whole thing is probably as tough on them as it is on their patients/clients.

I need a therapist for being in therapy

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by BethRags

The things people go through, my God. My pdoc had cancer some time back and worked every single day through chemo. Everyone in the office was like..."Is she really a human?" How she worked like that is beyond me. Amazing. Or amazingly crazy.

(

When my person was going through chemo - work was one of the few normal things for her. She taught up until one week before she died. For her, working was one of the very few things that she could focus on that took her out of focusing on being ill. Work was vital to her during her illness.

[*Beth*]

That's truly interesting, stopdog. Knowing my pdoc, that's how she felt. I hadn't thought of the situation in such a way.

[Rive.]

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a reply from her to stay connected but I believe it would depend on the T. I don't think Ts would not necessarily do that but would wait for session time itself.

Maybe it is something you could agree with her, going forward i.e. in case she gets sick for a long duration maybe text/email/phone call could be set up for her to check-in with you and stay connected? I think it's the least she could do but... Ts comes in different stripes.

I'm sorry your T had to cancel on you (or postpone her coming back). Again..

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It really depends on the therapist. My T hasn't been sick that long but when she has been she has always stayed in contact with me. She works in private practice so this may be different compared to a T who is employed by an agency and sees clients there. My former T was off for a short time with an illness and it was the agency who contacted me, I didn't have any direct contact with her despite some text contact during normal times.

I was going to say the same as Rive above, maybe speak to her about this on her return and agree on a plan going forward about staying in contact during her bouts of illness if she agrees.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I would hope that your T would check in with you to give some indication of when she is ready to resume work.
A couple of years ago, my counsellor went off radar for several months, and I had no idea what was happening until she got back in touch and said she'd been on compassionate leave.
I hope you're able to find coping mechanisms to lean on during this time.

[Omers]

I have asthma and can say that this has been the worst year for me in a long time. I was never allowed to miss school or work for it. I have been on several medications, some helped more than others, but my asthma was never truly considered controlled. My T also has asthma pretty badly. He has struggled more this year than most and does have a hard time some sessions with the mask. IDK... as someone with it I just don’t have much sympathy for calling out of work that much with it... but then I have never been in a position where I wouldn’t be fired for it. If going into the office is part of what makes it difficult, personally, I don’t see why she couldn’t reach out in some way. So many are doing teletherapy right now so I would see that as an option.
Everyone has their own limits and I do not believe they are mine to judge. As a client though I would need more consistency to reach my goals.

[*Beth*]

Thanks to each of you for your input. I'm grateful for it.

My therapist is getting close to 70 years of age and her health isn't great - plus she has what looks to me like health anxiety. She's terrified (seriously) of covid, which to be fair, is understandable given her age and severe asthma.

The question I keep asking myself is whether a therapist with health so impaired should remain in practice. This is not the first time she's been out for an extended period due to health issues.

But ultimately, I suppose it's up to me to decide whether my relationship with her is worth me staying, or not. Waiting for her to retire/not retire is putting the responsibility on her.

As for contacting me while she's out, I can definitely understand both sides, which is why I've asked for feedback.

She is relying on her receptionist to relay information to me. I very much like the receptionist, but she doesn't always have the correct information.

I guess her lack of contact leaves me feeling that she doesn't take our therapy that seriously. But then, who knows. The second-guessing is when therapy can become really difficult for me. Sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and say Forget it!

Thank you all

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Your T may well be hanging onto her job as she doesn't want to retire. I guess it would make it simpler for you if she decided enough was enough but, as you say, all you can do is make the decision about what is right for you given the situation now. It does sound very uncertain especially as she wasn't back when she hoped to be. Given her age and the uncertainty, it comes down to whether you can accept the inconsistency of the work with her and find enough value in it regardless, or make the decision to work towards an ending.

I'm sorry, it's horrible when a T's health dictates a decision like this.

[nottrustin]

Any chance you could see a second T??

With long term T many things happened that made me nervous she would retire, she was sick fairly often and moved so she had almost a two hour commute each way. I couldn't image stopping therapy with her but I also feared starting over with somebody else. So while still seeing T1 I talked to T1 about seeing a second T for Emdr. I had read it was really quick therapy. My thought was, I would do a few Emdr sessions with her while still seeing T1. Then when she was ready to retire I would be done with therapy (I did not tell either T about all this). Endr did not end up being the magic fix but I had a good relationship with T2 so when T1 was suddenly not there I was able to transition to T2. It was still hard but better than the alternative.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Any chance you could see a second T??

With long term T many things happened that made me nervous she would retire, she was sick fairly often and moved so she had almost a two hour commute each way. I couldn't image stopping therapy with her but I also feared starting over with somebody else. So while still seeing T1 I talked to T1 about seeing a second T for Emdr. I had read it was really quick therapy. My thought was, I would do a few Emdr sessions with her while still seeing T1. Then when she was ready to retire I would be done with therapy (I did not tell either T about all this). Endr did not end up being the magic fix but I had a good relationship with T2 so when T1 was suddenly not there I was able to transition to T2. It was still hard but better than the alternative.

Good ideas. My pdoc works in the same clinic as my therapist does; I'm seeing (telehealth) my pdoc more often while T is gone. It's helpful, although for some reason doing (sort-of) therapy with the person who prescribed my meds feels odd.

Because I can kinda see the handwriting on the wall with my therapist, I'm forming a plan to find a second therapist by 2021 - if I even want to continue doing therapy. I'm not sure I do, especially since we're only doing teletherapy in California. Sometimes it feels like the energy drain of therapy is not worth the benefits these days.

[coolibrarian]

My T had bladder cancer two years ago and had radical surgery to remove it. She was out for months, having developed a post-surgery infection and it took her a VERY long time to heal. In the meantime, I had my Pdoc to talk to, and several close friends here on PC; I am so grateful for their support. T and I tried to text during part of the time she was on sick leave, but it didn't work out.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

My T had bladder cancer two years ago and had radical surgery to remove it. She was out for months, having developed a post-surgery infection and it took her a VERY long time to heal. In the meantime, I had my Pdoc to talk to, and several close friends here on PC; I am so grateful for their support. T and I tried to text during part of the time she was on sick leave, but it didn't work out.

Yikes. Poor lady.

Thanks for your input. Between Nov. '18 and March '19 my therapist was out with pneumonia. We were barely 2 months into therapy when she was taken to the hospital. I had absolutely no contact with her for those months; it was extremely stressful and I ended up IP.

So this time, even though I'm certainly not expecting her to be out for much longer, I'm holding my own better. And yes - having the support system I have on PC makes an enormous difference!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

Your T may well be hanging onto her job as she doesn't want to retire. ...

Yes, she is and no, she doesn't. I have shared my concerns about her retiring; she assures me that she's not any time soon.

She's more idealistic than I am, though. My better sense tells me that I need to be prepared, because her health probs might force her retirement. I need to have my own game plan.

Thank you so much, as always, for your support

[Mountaindewed]

Not my Pdoc but my primary. He’s out on leave and they won’t say why or when he’ll return. I’m guessing if it was covid I’d be informed since I was in there recently enough. I was trying to get in there the other day and they were like “well... he’s out. Let me see what I can do.” As if they were just going to leave me hanging. With Covid things are weird right now.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Not my Pdoc but my primary. He’s out on leave and they won’t say why or when he’ll return. I’m guessing if it was covid I’d be informed since I was in there recently enough. I was trying to get in there the other day and they were like “well... he’s out. Let me see what I can do.” As if they were just going to leave me hanging. With Covid things are weird right now.

For sure! covid has placed an immense burden upon a medical system that was already broken in many ways.

You must feel uneasy about your primary care doctor. I think it's wrong that they won't give you at least a general reason as to why he's out, and a ballpark idea of when he'll return. My therapist is great about that; she says her clients deserve to know why she's out, not be kept in the dark.


You're correct...if it was covid the entire office/clinic would be shut down for some time, at least.

Are you able to see another primary doc in the absence of yours?

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

For sure! covid has placed an immense burden upon a medical system that was already broken in many ways.

You must feel uneasy about your primary care doctor. I think it's wrong that they won't give you at least a general reason as to why he's out, and a ballpark idea of when he'll return. My therapist is great about that; she says her clients deserve to know why she's out, not be kept in the dark.


You're correct...if it was covid the entire office/clinic would be shut down for some time, at least.

Are you able to see another primary doc in the absence of yours?

They just told me to go to immediate care. and it turned out the issue I had was an issue for a a speciality anyways. Which I had no trouble getting an appointment for. I don’t think I’m scheduled to see my primary for a routine visit for another 1.5 months. So I hope he’s back in the office then.

[susannahsays]

A previous therapist was out for 6 months. She did text the first cancellation, then one more because she was going to have to have surgery due to the pneumonia. She actually said she was going to try to have phone sessions the day after, but that didn't seem like a good idea to me, so said no.

Anyway, didn't hear anything for months and months. Then received a letter from a therapist practicing in the same building (recognized the name). Totally thought she had died when I saw it. But no, apparently it was to let clients know she was going to be out for a long time although she was on the road to recovery (she had to go to a rehab place because during her illness, her muscles atrophied and she couldn't even raise her arms). Anyway, I think she gave some referrals or maybe we were supposed to contact this other therapist if we wanted a referral. I don't remember. Anyway, I don't blame her for the long silence because she was literally on death's door and on a ventilator, then after she was unable to do anything for herself.

ETA - She was in private practice without a receptionist, so there wasn't any obvious person to make contact with her clients.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

A previous therapist was out for 6 months. She did text the first cancellation, then one more because she was going to have to have surgery due to the pneumonia. She actually said she was going to try to have phone sessions the day after, but that didn't seem like a good idea to me, so said no.

Anyway, didn't hear anything for months and months. Then received a letter from a therapist practicing in the same building (recognized the name). Totally thought she had died when I saw it. But no, apparently it was to let clients know she was going to be out for a long time although she was on the road to recovery (she had to go to a rehab place because during her illness, her muscles atrophied and she couldn't even raise her arms). Anyway, I think she gave some referrals or maybe we were supposed to contact this other therapist if we wanted a referral. I don't remember. Anyway, I don't blame her for the long silence because she was literally on death's door and on a ventilator, then after she was unable to do anything for herself.

ETA - She was in private practice without a receptionist, so there wasn't any obvious person to make contact with her clients.

Thank you for your reply, susannahsays.


Well, I guess in my mind I was idealizing my T. Upon reading through this thread, I'm accepting that therapists are just people. You know...how when you're a little kid and you think any adult you feel strongly bonded with is above all the "ills" of the world? We tend to feel that way about our therapists, it seems. At least, I do.

I'll feel fortunate if she really does return this week. I know she loves her work, so she must be truly unwell to have been out like she's been.

[SlumberKitty]

I haven't had that experienced but Former T got MS and she became very ill very fast. So I would never know if I was having an appointment until that day or sometimes a hour or so before that time. Later I found out she was coming into the office just for me which made me feel bad (I was a long term client at that point 10 years). But sometimes she couldn't make it for weeks in a row. We had email contact though and text contact so I didn't feel like totally left hanging.

[ArtleyWilkins]

While I was seeing my first therapist, his son was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and passed away. It was an incredibly difficult time for him and his family. And yes, he was out, particularly at the end and following his son's death, for about three months. During that time I had access to another therapist in his office. I saw her a few times just to touch base, but I was okay. Mostly I just waited until his return and we started back up then.

My last therapist was out for a few weeks with kidney stones and surgery. Again, just waited it out and we started back up upon his return.

Hopefully your therapist's health will improve and she'll feel comfortable returning to work, but it is understandable with her age and health issues that she is wary right now.

[*Beth*]

Thanks to each of your for this educational thread. I am grateful

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

A previous therapist was out for 6 months. She did text the first cancellation, then one more because she was going to have to have surgery due to the pneumonia. She actually said she was going to try to have phone sessions the day after, but that didn't seem like a good idea to me, so said no.

Anyway, didn't hear anything for months and months. Then received a letter from a therapist practicing in the same building (recognized the name). Totally thought she had died when I saw it. But no, apparently it was to let clients know she was going to be out for a long time although she was on the road to recovery (she had to go to a rehab place because during her illness, her muscles atrophied and she couldn't even raise her arms). Anyway, I think she gave some referrals or maybe we were supposed to contact this other therapist if we wanted a referral. I don't remember. Anyway, I don't blame her for the long silence because she was literally on death's door and on a ventilator, then after she was unable to do anything for herself.

ETA - She was in private practice without a receptionist, so there wasn't any obvious person to make contact with her clients.

Wow, I am so sorry Susan. I cant even imagine not knowing. The one positive with how I lost my T is that while she was in private practice, she had showed her life partner how to contact people in case of an emergency. I found via email that she had an accident and would likely be out for an extended period of time. He kept me update all through it as he knew she and I had an unique relationship. Until then he had no clue I was a client.

Many clients didnt jave contact information so they found out because there was a note on her office door that said to check in with any of the other providers in the building. Those providers broke the news and offered to help them find a new provider if they wanted

I went to her memorial service and some of those providers were there also. If people said they were clients, they also offered to help make referrals.