[Ssigros]

So I had 3 sessions with T this week (Tues/Wed/Thurs), which is 5 sessions in total since I started back seeing her last week after not seeing her in 5 years. Today's session was grueling. I was spent afterwards and left the session feeling uneasy...like I wasn't heard the way I wanted to be and things were left unsaid. Which was left that way because she had to stop me since she didn't want me to get too deep into opening up and then have to stop me due to our session coming close to an end. She said we can pick back up where I left off next week, but I was really opening up to her and letting out my emotions. I won't be able to get that back. She also called me out on a lot. Which is needed, I know, but I'm stubborn and tend to pushback and buck at that and change. I just didn't think my pushback would come so soon. So by the time session was over and my camera was off I just felt pissed off, not fully heard, and scolded. Basically a child. I don't like feeling that way towards T. I called her for her help and so now I also feel guilty. I guess I'm going to journal these thoughts/feelings so that I can somehow find the courage to tell her this exact thing come Tuesday's session. Until then my stomach will be in knots and my body will be on edge and my mind will race. I just want to disappear and not be such a burden.