[Merope]

Through a combination of google searches and stuff T said in session that lead to tips for google searches, I managed to find out a lot of stuff about him. Stuff about his family, his partners etc. It’s all public information, but the way I went about finding it is kind of sneaky and it takes a lot of scrolling through a lot of things. I saved some public photos too, of T, of his partner etc. Most was curiosity (I do heavy, time consuming google searches for anyone I find interesting) and a need for connection (having photos of t).

The problem is, something triggered me last week and I now feel extremely guilty and sneaky for knowing so much. He once told me that anything this is public info is fair game because he knows I have a penchant for “research”, but I don’t think he can even begin to imagine how much is available and how easy it is to connect certain dots. I feel like a massive freak. I can’t tell him about it—I imagine he knows I must have found some things, but I don’t think he knows just how much.

It doesn’t affect our relationship in a bad way, if anything I feel more connected to him and like I can open up more because I see him as a real person...but I just can’t shake the feeling that if he knew he’d be disgusted with me/freaked out and terminate me. I can’t shake off the feeling that I invaded his privacy somehow, even though the info is public. Some of it he even inadvertently led me to (I found out who his gf is because of a video link he sent me!). Still, I feel like I should have respected his privacy more.

I don’t know how to not feel like the worst person in the world for this.

[MoxieDoxie]

If I give you my T's name can you dig up stuff? I suck and searches and just end up doing the bare minimum. I looked up his facebook account so many times that he showed up on my facebook page as someone I might want to be friends with. EEeek.

[Lostislost]

I don't think you've done anything wrong. Pretty much everyone I know obsesses about their therapist/ex/ex's new gf/old friend/love interest etc and they do exactly the same thing.

I don't find it helpful when I do research in that way, pictures of my Ts partner does odd things to me....but I can see how it would make you feel more connected to them.

[*Beth*]

I say let go of your guilt. You haven't hurt anyone. If somebody truly doesn't want his personal info online he can go through the process of removing it - or of concealing it in the first place.

I joined Spokeo just to find out where my T lives (turns out she lives less than 2 miles from me). But then the only other stuff I found out was that she's a mom and a grandma. Kind of boring, lol.

Now look up Moxi Doxie's T. She's desperate (just kidding...I think.)

Or maybe you could tell the rest of us how to do a deep search

[ArtieTheSequal]

I think it's true that they can conceal it or just not put it out there in the first place. my t told me way back at the beginning that she limits her online presence. and of course i like a ton of other people proceeded to google her anyway trying to find stuff haha and sure enough, found nothing but her psych today profile. even my un-tech-y mother has more of an online presence.

[unaluna]

The real question, or so my t told me, is what does this tell you about your need or longing for connection? I used to be afraid even to ask a person how they were, because IF MY FAMILY WANTED ME TO KNOW SOMETHING, THEY WOULD TELL ME, DAMMIT. Sorry about the yelling, but you see my point?

[Merope]

Thanks everyone. I don’t always feel guilty, but sometimes I panic that I know too much and that he’ll find out somehow and be freaked out. Also the saving of photos of people he knows....not my proudest moment.

But it is something I do with everyone I’m interested in...not just T. With him I guess it’s more potent because I’m very attached. I feel like I almost need to preserve every crumb of info I find because one day it’ll be all I have left of him and that terrifies me. I think I lost too many people and something in my brain gets triggered to “preserve” memories as accurately as possible. Don’t think this makes much sense though.

@MoxieDoxie hahah at least you have less to feel guilty about! But maybe this is my calling and I’ll have to open a special office where people come to find out about their therapists. Sounds dodgy haha, but I’d probably earn more than I do in my current job.

@unaluna I know what you mean. My family was similar.

@BethRags, true, I haven’t hurt anyone. I think when I get anxious it feels like I have and that I’m a horrid human being for being so strange and attached and needy and ugh!

[nottrustin]

Just be care not to do something I did. I noticed T had a figurine of a sea creature on her shelf. I had seen a picture oi f her on one of her relatives FB wearing a necklace of the same creature. I said "oh you must like these creatures don't you also have a necklace if one?" She said she guess she liked them she did her son's room with them as well and ye
that she did have the necklace. As soon as it came out of my mouth I realized I m e about the necklace from the picture not sure if she ever wore it to an appointment

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Merope

Thanks everyone. I don’t always feel guilty, but sometimes I panic that I know too much and that he’ll find out somehow and be freaked out. Also the saving of photos of people he knows....not my proudest moment.

But it is something I do with everyone I’m interested in...not just T. With him I guess it’s more potent because I’m very attached. I feel like I almost need to preserve every crumb of info I find because one day it’ll be all I have left of him and that terrifies me. I think I lost too many people and something in my brain gets triggered to “preserve” memories as accurately as possible. Don’t think this makes much sense though.

...

It makes perfect sense.

[Omers]

My T is totally cool with everything I have owned up to (a lot) and when he found it had benefited our work he offered up a new tidbit.