Couch 219: The Goose Drank Wine

Lemoncake · Oct 03, 2020 at 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Possible trigger:

i hate the way t's email made me feel. i don't ever want to eat again and i don't ever want to see her again.

I'm sorry you're going this and You don't deserve this shame.You might not be where you want to be with regards to your health, but carrying extra weight as a human is not the worst thing you could have possibly done.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I'm sorry you're going this and You don't deserve this shame.You might not be where you want to be with regards to your health, but carrying extra weight as a human is not the worst thing you could have possibly done.

Thank you, beautiful.

Salmon77 · Oct 03, 2020 at 04:10 PM

Artie, I think you have every right to be POed and should tell her how her email made you feel. It's plain rude to push diet advice on somebody who didn't ask for it and has said they don't want it.

That said,

Quote:

She probably eats pork cheeks!

Pork cheeks make a really good stew.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 04:15 PM

I never even knew pork cheeks were a thing!

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Artie, i would send her back a link to "Well Your World" or "Krocks in the Kitchen", and tell her that is more your style. Those folks eat stuff like your red lentil chili and post pictures (on youtube and facebook) every day.

Eta - not that i KNOW anything, but if i were you with that weird (sorry!) appendix thing last year, i would not go carnivore! And i would not feel insulted by a recommendation from a person ignorant of nutritional issues. Wth does she eat?! This romance is over for me! She probably eats pork cheeks!

Yeah and I don't have a gallbladder anymore either which might make a difference too.

I

over the pork cheeks! thank you!!

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 03, 2020 at 04:30 PM

Yikes, Artie. I can see how that would touch a nerve. Do you feel up to having a conversation with L about it? (I doubt it could be dealt with productively over email, and anything that has the potential of making you feel worse is to be minimised/avoided at the moment.)

ArtieTheSequal · 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Yikes, Artie. I can see how that would touch a nerve. Do you feel up to having a conversation with L about it? (I doubt it could be dealt with productively over email, and anything that has the potential of making you feel worse is to be minimised/avoided at the moment.)

Thank you, yes, I am going to try to use this as grist for the mill as they say, I was just reading an article about when therapists make mistakes (I see this as a mistake on her part whether she does or not) and it asks the client to think about "What interpretation are you making? What do you feel exactly?" I don't even have to think about those answers I already know exactly so I am going to bring that into therapy with me Wednesday and talk about it with her. Her email totally triggered my abandonment issues (as in, I am no longer acceptable to her, not good enough, so she will leave me so f her I will leave first) and my abandonment issues are what we are just starting to dig more deeply into.

But apparently I need to be pissed off a little longer first.

comrademoomoo · Oct 03, 2020 at 05:01 PM

... "She said 'I like giants,
Especially girl giants,
'Cause all girls feel too big sometimes
Regardless of their size'.
When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road and run and jump into the ocean in my clothes
And I'm smaller than a poppyseed inside a great big bowl
And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole.
So I swim for all salvation and I swim to save my soul
But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado
So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything.
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything. "

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Artie, I think you have every right to be POed and should tell her how her email made you feel. It's plain rude to push diet advice on somebody who didn't ask for it and has said they don't want it.

That said,

Pork cheeks make a really good stew.

Thanks Salmon. I am going to talk about it with her next week. We've known each other way too long (9 years next month) for me to let this derail everything. Confrontation is so difficult for me. But I am going to tell her anyway.

unaluna · Oct 03, 2020 at 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Artie, I think you have every right to be POed and should tell her how her email made you feel. It's plain rude to push diet advice on somebody who didn't ask for it and has said they don't want it.

That said,

Pork cheeks make a really good stew.

I just like saying guanCIALE!

As they say, i wouldnt kick a bowl of bucatini all'amatriciana out of bed!

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Still sitting in the parking lot. Not sure what is up with T.

Did she ever let you know what was going on? I hope you got to have your session and that it went well.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

Thinking about leaving ex-husband and moving out - but my Dad's house is halfway across the country though the move to warm weather would be welcome before winter comes.

I have lots to think about before doing this but I'm leaning towards it.

That's a big move, I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful, all I can really say is I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make, sounds like it's not going to be an easy decision.

Polibeth · Oct 03, 2020 at 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

That's a big move, I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful, all I can really say is I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make, sounds like it's not going to be an easy decision.

Thanks

It's not an easy decision but I'm looking at moving south early November and then moving out of Dad's house by February 1st and finding a new roommate in my new town

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

Thanks

It's not an easy decision but I'm looking at moving south early November and then moving out of Dad's house by February 1st and finding a new roommate in my new town

One of my friends recently moved to Alabama, well she and her fiance. They were living in Missouri but he lost his job there because of covid layoffs, and she was unhappy in her job, so they sold their house, bought an RV and now they're living in the RV in a campground until they are ready to buy a house in Alabama! My friend is so happy with their decision and is so far enjoying living in the south.

feralkittymom · Oct 03, 2020 at 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Thanks Salmon. I am going to talk about it with her next week. We've known each other way too long (9 years next month) for me to let this derail everything. Confrontation is so difficult for me. But I am going to tell her anyway.

I think you have every right to be pissed off, and I don't understand why this has to be turned into a "conversation" or grist for the mill. She sends you a rude, out of the blue e-mail with a suggestion she's apparently made before and you rejected. Why does this need to derail anything? And why does it merit a response other than one that relieves you of your annoyance? Her behavior--if from anyone else in your life--I think you would see as rude; why does she get a pass? Why put yourself in the "one down" position of scrambling for some kind of understanding, at your expense?

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think you have every right to be pissed off, and I don't understand why this has to be turned into a "conversation" or grist for the mill. She sends you a rude, out of the blue e-mail with a suggestion she's apparently made before and you rejected. Why does this need to derail anything? And why does it merit a response other than one that relieves you of your annoyance? Her behavior--if from anyone else in your life--I think you would see as rude; why does she get a pass? Why put yourself in the "one down" position of scrambling for some kind of understanding, at your expense?

It's what I always do, isn't it? I'm going to think about this a little longer. Thanks for the perspective.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 03, 2020 at 08:54 PM

Hugs, Artie, that would bother me as well. My T will talk to me about exercise (including yesterday), but in the sense of it helping my mental health and sleep (plus physical health). If he sent me something unsolicited about a diet, I'd be really offended. I would tell your T how it made you feel--I'd think maybe an email rather than waiting until session.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 03, 2020 at 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, Artie, that would bother me as well. My T will talk to me about exercise (including yesterday), but in the sense of it helping my mental health and sleep (plus physical health). If he sent me something unsolicited about a diet, I'd be really offended. I would tell your T how it made you feel--I'd think maybe an email rather than waiting until session.

Thanks LT. I don't trust myself to do it in an email though... I am going to tell her next week how it made me feel and set a clear boundary that we will not talk about this subject unless I bring it up. I know it wasn't her intention but I felt so much shame.

atisketatasket · Oct 03, 2020 at 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, Artie, that would bother me as well. My T will talk to me about exercise (including yesterday), but in the sense of it helping my mental health and sleep (plus physical health). If he sent me something unsolicited about a diet, I'd be really offended. I would tell your T how it made you feel--I'd think maybe an email rather than waiting until session.

There are demonstrated links between diet and mental health, though. By diet I mean the word in the positive sense, choosing certain foods to eat and others to avoid, not the losing-weight sense. For instance, when I quit gluten, there was a definite uptick in my ability to stay calm rather than get anxious. And even when a food allergy isn’t in play, if I eat fresh, more “natural” foods, whether it’s fruits or vegetables or animal protein, I’m more cheerful and enjoy eating more.

All of which has just reminded me I forgot to get parmesan or asiago to grate for spinach salad this week.

Elio · Oct 03, 2020 at 10:02 PM

Follow up on insurance stuff. I talked with T yesterday about it and she felt much better after having seen the letter her lawyer put together regarding a breech of contract and so on. She is willing to stay with my insurance if they make it right by paying her what is owed and basically quit questioning her integrity.

I realized this morning that this whole thing brings up the messy divorce I lived through with my parents.

T also gave me a PRN to help me sleep. I had such a bad headache from spinning through emotions and crying. The whole thing feels like it has the potential to under parts of what took 2-2.5 yrs to build with T. I at least am feeling like I can see T on Monday and be able to talk to her. It wasn't going very well yesterday until we talked. So things are better; not solved. I have to write a patient's grievance letter to my insurance and to some insurance board in my state. That's not going to be fun. I need to do that tomorrow. I'm worried about how to write it with sharing the right level of information and emotions.

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Couch 219: The Goose Drank Wine

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,775 hugs given	Oct 03, 2020 at 04:15 PM #884 I never even knew pork cheeks were a thing!

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,768 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Oct 03, 2020 at 08:54 PM #897 Hugs, Artie, that would bother me as well. My T will talk to me about exercise (including yesterday), but in the sense of it helping my mental health and sleep (plus physical health). If he sent me something unsolicited about a diet, I'd be really offended. I would tell your T how it made you feel--I'd think maybe an email rather than waiting until session.