Couch 219: The Goose Drank Wine

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 04, 2020 at 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

When is your next session with her?

I hope you can tell her exactly how it made you feel.

Wednesday after work.

I plan to...

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 04, 2020 at 06:47 PM

Got to see my son for a few minutes this afternoon, yay! He stopped by for a short visit. I miss him.

atisketatasket · Oct 04, 2020 at 07:57 PM

For those of you worrying about my cheese for my salad (as I know you were

)—you can rest easy, I found a package of baked asiago cheese crisps in the pantry, smashed them with a meat tenderizer, and sprinkled them over my salad.

Quietmind 2 · Oct 05, 2020 at 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Has anyone else here had/ have a disorganized attachment pattern?

I did this even when I was as a kid at 8 but whenever I would get really close to someone I would later just detach from them. I start feeling suffocated by them and I want to be alone again. I've recently made up with one of old best friends and she honestly hasn't done anything wrong and it's been nice- but I just feel myself going off her again even though we've only started hanging out again for one week. Same thing with T- we had a really good session last week and I felt super connected to him but I still sent an email saying I don't want a session this week.

I can't really describe it but it it feels so uncomfortable.

The only other relationships that I've actually managed to maintain over 4+ years are those where we meet up once a year and go weeks/months without contacting each other.

I do. It's difficult. Could write a ton about it.

I did form what I thought was a secure attachment with my (now former) "chosen sibling" whom I knew for around 5 years but in hindsight... it was insecure though not very disorganised. In hindsight, I never felt safe enough for certain things, and I fell into a caretaking role even though I felt things were very mutual and they left eventually anyway like I feared.

And when they left, they chose to hurl words at my deepest revealed wounds so now I'm glad I never exposed certain highly vulnerable parts of my psyche.

I think I've a relative secure attachment with my T now though, developed over the years.

atisketatasket · Oct 05, 2020 at 12:41 AM

You finally read yourself to the point of sleep and you get up to brush your teeth and apply your mask. And then when you come back to bed, you find a tinsel ball lying in the middle of the bed and new cat peeking hopefully around a corner.

So you play with her and then you’re wide awake again.

unaluna · Oct 05, 2020 at 05:56 AM

How could you not?! How sweet!

That makes up for this entire rotten weekend!

chihirochild · Oct 05, 2020 at 06:14 AM

*pokes head out from under a rock*

LonesomeTonight · Oct 05, 2020 at 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

*pokes head out from under a rock*

Hi, how are you doing?

SlumberKitty · Oct 05, 2020 at 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I hope she made up the missed time.

How are you feeling in general sk?

Hi Lemoncake,

In general I'm doing okay. I am not in crisis as much anymore. I rely on my support network a lot more than I used to and it really does help. I think T wonders why I come because I am doing well but there is still stuff I want to work on. I had a crisis a couple of weeks ago and T saw me on an emergency appointment so I don't feel ready to end it with T but maybe after the new year I might be ready to.

Work is so so as I am still furloughed 16 hours a week. Luckily unemployment has started back paying me from July so it gives me a little wiggle room in my budget.

Possible trigger:

I'm doing really well with SH. It's been 254 days, no SH.

.

Overall, life is pretty good. It has some ups and downs but I'm managing to maintain a decent amount of sanity.

I see Pdoc on Wednesday via Telehealth.

How about you? How are you Lemon? How is school?

Kit

Lemoncake · Oct 05, 2020 at 12:00 PM

Possible trigger:

Surprisingly I've actually been okay, a few low moments here but overall I do feel happier. Not sure why exactly but it feels nice. I do have my exam in a month and around 4 days but I'm not feeling super stressed out though I have doubled my study time to around 5-6 hours on top of classes.

But one of the two girls in my group has come down with a fever, a cough and muscle pain. She's getting a test done. If she's positive the other girl and I would both also have to stay at home for a bit.

Lemoncake · Oct 05, 2020 at 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Hi Lemoncake,

In general I'm doing okay. I am not in crisis as much anymore. I rely on my support network a lot more than I used to and it really does help. I think T wonders why I come because I am doing well but there is still stuff I want to work on. I had a crisis a couple of weeks ago and T saw me on an emergency appointment so I don't feel ready to end it with T but maybe after the new year I might be ready to.

Work is so so as I am still furloughed 16 hours a week. Luckily unemployment has started back paying me from July so it gives me a little wiggle room in my budget.

Possible trigger:

I'm doing really well with SH. It's been 254 days, no SH.

.

Overall, life is pretty good. It has some ups and downs but I'm managing to maintain a decent amount of sanity.

I see Pdoc on Wednesday via Telehealth.

How about you? How are you Lemon? How is school?

Kit

I'm glad T could be there for you when you needed her.

Well done on your progress too. That's a fantastic achievement!

LonesomeTonight · Oct 05, 2020 at 01:06 PM

Not feeling so good about my Dr. T session today. May write more later.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 05, 2020 at 01:09 PM

I mean, it was partly my fault for bringing something up with 20 minutes left, but I meant to go in a different direction with it that wouldn't have likely been triggering. He sort of touched on a trigger or two and tapped into some of my fears about the therapeutic relationship with him.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 05, 2020 at 01:18 PM

Hugs, LT. I'm sorry that happened.

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 05, 2020 at 01:18 PM

So sorry, LT. I hope you are able to take some time out.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 05, 2020 at 01:27 PM

Thanks, Artie and Lost.

NP_Complete · 07:58 PM

Dexamethasone is a crazy powerful steroid. I did a course of it in my 30's. At the highest dose, I felt amazing, like I could do anything. The best I've ever felt in my life. As I tapered off it, I hit an equivalent low. It was awful.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 05, 2020 at 05:26 PM

That is a worrying thought especially since I read earlier he was going to be leaving the hospital already. 2020 is just the most f'd up year.

atisketatasket · Oct 05, 2020 at 05:52 PM

I realized today I’m following like 50 epidemiologists on Twitter and I can’t wait for the day I can unfollow them.

ArtieTheSequal · 06:13 PM

I'm not in the mood for school tonight. Just saw a funny thing on facebook. "I don't want to adult anymore. Don't even want to human. I want to goat. Jump around randomly. Eat what I want. And headbutt anyone who annoys me."

I'll attend class though anyway. I want those discussion points don't ya know...

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Couch 219: The Goose Drank Wine

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,290 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,787 hugs given	Oct 04, 2020 at 06:47 PM #922 Got to see my son for a few minutes this afternoon, yay! He stopped by for a short visit. I miss him.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,167 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Oct 04, 2020 at 07:57 PM #923 For those of you worrying about my cheese for my salad (as I know you were )—you can rest easy, I found a package of baked asiago cheese crisps in the pantry, smashed them with a meat tenderizer, and sprinkled them over my salad.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,167 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 12:41 AM #925 You finally read yourself to the point of sleep and you get up to brush your teeth and apply your mask. And then when you come back to bed, you find a tinsel ball lying in the middle of the bed and new cat peeking hopefully around a corner. So you play with her and then you’re wide awake again.

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,986 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.7k hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 05:56 AM #926 How could you not?! How sweet! That makes up for this entire rotten weekend!

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 06:14 AM #927 pokes head out from under a rock

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,832 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 01:06 PM #932 Not feeling so good about my Dr. T session today. May write more later.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,832 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 01:09 PM #933 I mean, it was partly my fault for bringing something up with 20 minutes left, but I meant to go in a different direction with it that wouldn't have likely been triggering. He sort of touched on a trigger or two and tapped into some of my fears about the therapeutic relationship with him.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,290 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,787 hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 01:18 PM #934 Hugs, LT. I'm sorry that happened.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,832 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 01:27 PM #936 Thanks, Artie and Lost.

NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,816 7 6,363 hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 05:24 PM #937 Dexamethasone is a crazy powerful steroid. I did a course of it in my 30's. At the highest dose, I felt amazing, like I could do anything. The best I've ever felt in my life. As I tapered off it, I hit an equivalent low. It was awful. Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 05, 2020 at 07:58 PM.. Reason: Administrative edit.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,290 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,787 hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 05:26 PM #938 That is a worrying thought especially since I read earlier he was going to be leaving the hospital already. 2020 is just the most f'd up year.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,167 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Oct 05, 2020 at 05:52 PM #939 I realized today I’m following like 50 epidemiologists on Twitter and I can’t wait for the day I can unfollow them.