[Crook32]

Is it ok to email your old T to see if she can give me other referrals. I don’t want my current T to know because the one before her went crazy when I canceled an appointment and left me with no referrals. I know old T said old clients would sometimes email her with updates so I am hoping my request wasn’t inappropriate. I haven’t seen her in five months. It was just short and business like so I don’t think it was too bad.

[IrisBloom]

It's ok. I'm sure that's done in the biz a lot. The worst she can do is not reply but I bet she will.

[seeker33]

Yes, it's a common practice. I think it's OK to ask.

[quietlylost]

I think it's appropriate.

[LonesomeTonight]

I think that's totally fine.

[Shotokan]

Originally Posted by Crook32

Is it ok to email your old T to see if she can give me other referrals. I don’t want my current T to know because the one before her went crazy when I canceled an appointment and left me with no referrals. I know old T said old clients would sometimes email her with updates so I am hoping my request wasn’t inappropriate. I haven’t seen her in five months. It was just short and business like so I don’t think it was too bad.

I think what you did was perfectly fine.

[RoxanneToto]

I think it’s totally fine to ask, as well. The worst she can do is decline your request or not answer.

[Omers]

I would feel comfortable calling any of my past T’s and asking for a referral, even the one I haven’t worked with since 1997 if I thought she would have the best idea.

[Crook32]

She said that because I haven’t seen her in 5 months that I need to talk to my current T but I don’t want my current T to know because the last one dropped me on the spot when she knew I was looking around.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by Crook32

She said that because I haven’t seen her in 5 months that I need to talk to my current T but I don’t want my current T to know because the last one dropped me on the spot when she knew I was looking around.

The one who dropped you on the spot sounds like an unprofessional jerk. Good therapists recognize that they won't be right for every single person who sees them, but obviously some therapists are deeply insecure and easily wounded. Do you see signs that your current T would do this too? Maybe you're better off cold-calling (cold-emailing?) a few potential therapists without a referral?

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

The one who dropped you on the spot sounds like an unprofessional jerk. Good therapists recognize that they won't be right for every single person who sees them, but obviously some therapists are deeply insecure and easily wounded. Do you see signs that your current T would do this too? Maybe you're better off cold-calling (cold-emailing?) a few potential therapists without a referral?

I agree re: the unprofessional jerk. My T has said if I want to take a break and see someone else and/or consult with someone else (which I've done), I'm welcome back at any time. And it might be better just to reach out to some T's on your own. Many will offer free 15-minute phone consultations or will at least answer a couple questions over email.

[Crook32]

I think I am self sabotaging myself because even with her flaws my old T and I had a great connection. I feel like I made a rash decision to leave her. I had just gotten out of the hospital. She is the one that put me there and within two weeks I started looking for a new T. I guess I was mad at her for sending me to the hospital. I guess I am still grieving the loss of that relationship.