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LostOnTheTrail
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Default Oct 02, 2020 at 08:36 AM
  #1
Anything you would like to say to your therapist, big or small... post it here.

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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Lemoncake
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Default Oct 02, 2020 at 12:36 PM
  #2
Possible trigger:

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"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."


Last edited by Lemoncake; Oct 02, 2020 at 04:05 PM..
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Default Oct 02, 2020 at 01:05 PM
  #3
Dear T,
I thought about apologizing for being so needy yesterday, but opted not to go that route. As I would have just been looking for reassurance. I imagine you were expecting me to go there, too. But I wasn't sure what purpose it would serve. I'm trying to trust that it was OK, and I already acknowledged having broken the texting rule, but you'd seemed OK with it at the time and seemed to understand why I did. So I figured I'd trust that if it really was a problem, you'd have said something. And you didn't.


I felt cared for today and yesterday, and that means a lot. And, fine, I'll start a regular program of exercise, damn it!

Oh, and thanks for saying I'm still relatively young--you know the way to a woman's heart. :-).

Love,
LT
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Default Oct 02, 2020 at 10:00 PM
  #4
T... so glad i could share about that little gem of an app after our heavy session. I'm glad you're into reducing food waste and being environmentally friendly too. I like that there's low cost ways for me who doesn't earn much and I hope you snag some delicious, healthy snacks.
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susannahsays
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Default Oct 03, 2020 at 02:21 AM
  #5
I'm feeling needy and I want to be intrusive. But I won't.

Also, it bothers me that you didn't recycle your water bottle and that plastic container. I wanted to scold you, but I doubt that would translate to you recycling stuff and I try not to be like that when it's unlikely result in a gain. And you hadn't slept all night and weren't feeling well, so that would have been an asshole move. I really hope this behavior is confined to your office and you do recycle at home, though.

On an unrelated note, I don't think you are aware that the way I sometimes act with you is not something I do with other people. This is partially my fault as my attempts to correct this impression have been very half-hearted. Part of me is more comfortable with you thinking as you do because otherwise, you would start wondering why I just do it with you and that is not a road I want you going down for multiple reasons. Suffice it to say that I am very rarely overtly hostile with people in my real life. I don't subject anybody else to petulance and tantrums. Would it shock you to know how passive I am in most situations? I don't want to have to worry about getting upset and having to contain my temper in a conflict, so I find it best to avoid conflicts whenever possible. That usually means I don't set the boundaries that I would prefer for myself. Interacting with people is too exhausting/draining as it is.

Anyway, hope you are sleeping better.

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ArtieTheSequal
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Default Oct 03, 2020 at 02:53 PM
  #6
**** you, t. Just, **** you. Thanks a whole heaping lot for making me feel unaccepted, ugly, and worthless. Brav-****ing-o. I think I may even hate you right now.

And that other thing you said - you're assuming that I'm even coming next week.

Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Oct 03, 2020 at 04:20 PM..
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Default Oct 03, 2020 at 08:07 PM
  #7
ok ok ok. i've calmed down now. i'll show up and we'll talk about it.
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Default Oct 03, 2020 at 11:28 PM
  #8
Maybe.

8 char
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Attention Oct 04, 2020 at 01:40 AM
  #9
i'm nervous about speaking with you. this is a delicate situation i am starting in/going thru, and i don't want to over-share. so don't get mad at me if i stop mid-sentence or mid-thought! that just means my 'protective-ness' is kicking in.

also, i feel the need to say i'm sorry you are about to watch me go thru this. not totally sure why but i just do......
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Default Oct 04, 2020 at 03:46 AM
  #10
I’m sorry if I’m checked out tomorrow and not talking much. I’m obviously going to be very nervous. I’ll try though.

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Default Oct 04, 2020 at 03:59 AM
  #11
Our last session was really good but rather than make me feel warm and fuzzy it makes me want to run.

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"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

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Default Oct 04, 2020 at 01:24 PM
  #12
Yes. No. Maybe I don't know can you repeat the question.

26 topics left to go through for the first time!

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"Love, like life, flows
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Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

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Default Oct 04, 2020 at 04:25 PM
  #13
I'm not angry anymore.
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Default Oct 04, 2020 at 05:28 PM
  #14
Last session was so powerful.You were emotionally giving and when you sat down next to me I wanted to melt into my seat I was full of feelings I can not even explain. You created a corrective experience by truly apologizing and explain your side and authentically telling me I was and are not a burden to you and your message was clear that I am worth it.

I felt so liberated and light and no longer felt tortured. That feeling has lasted for 3 days now and I am not held in chains by my feelings for you. I do not care if it was a tactic taught to therapist it felt healing.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Oct 04, 2020 at 06:28 PM
  #15
Please write me back.
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Default Oct 05, 2020 at 10:08 AM
  #16
I'm worried about you. You said you haven't been paid by any insurance company for nine months. You've had to take three jobs, though now you are down to two. Are you okay?

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Default Oct 05, 2020 at 12:35 PM
  #17
I don't know how I am going to talk to you about any of this. I took a PRN today; during the day. Let's see if that helps calm things down

I wish I was seeing you in person today and you could hold me. Somehow make it right.
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Default Oct 05, 2020 at 01:00 PM
  #18
Dear T,
Well, that kind of sucked.

--LT

ETA: Also, my appointment request was probably a bit passive-aggressive. Sorry about that. I mean, in a way I meant it, about how if other clients have greater needs right now, give something to them first. But in a way I was maybe being a bit snarky. Because of what you said about the email.

Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Oct 05, 2020 at 01:46 PM..
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Default Oct 05, 2020 at 04:07 PM
  #19
I think I realized something big today. WHY I worry like I do. Damn. Seems that just everything goes back to this abandonment wound I'm working with again. EV-RY-THING. I hope you're up for this.

eta: you've said before that you pick up on my psyche sometimes. maybe you've been thinking about this and I picked up on yours? this came to me right out of a clear blue sky today for no reason at all, the thought fully formed, and I wrote it down before I lost it. How odd.

Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Oct 05, 2020 at 05:14 PM..
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Default Oct 05, 2020 at 04:45 PM
  #20
Perhaps my scheduling request text is too low of a priority for you to respond to...
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