Couch 220: Second To None!

I hope T replies soon. What's her normal response time frame?

It's also okay to feel angry at your sister. How are things since you moved out?

Some things like cheese and wine only get better with age.

Oooo this looks lovely. How I would picture a western movie set.

Glad you guys had a nice time.

How long have you had this for?

Are you already seeing a doctor?

My youtube recommendation videos on the homepage:

South Korea's growing debt - CNA insider
How this frugal family paid of 96k in debt and built a tiny dream home - Exploring alternatives channel
A Ariana Grande cover - (not a fan)
"I kinda like you better" (clip from wife swap USA)
Jon Gosselin denies latest claim
PBS newshour - the upper middle class

She doesn't really have a time frame but I'm scared she just won't reply (has happened but with nothing this vulnerable yet).

Things are pretty good since I moved out. I'm thriving the beyond money worries (Still job hunting). Enjoying cooking and rice cooker baking.

Government even gave me grocery vouchers because I'm now considered low income. Before, my family never helped with anything so my financial burden were higher and I had less help because everything is on a "household" basis.

I guess I feel angry it feels unfair I have to struggle with the legacy of trauma while my sister has retired before age 40, will never have to worry about money the rest of her life, and is in great health yet chooses to keep seeing our parents and invalidating me.

T pointed out that my sister genuinely believes I had it better than her but I'm the one with the most chronic mental and physical health problems... Of course she doesn't owe me anything but I wish she'd understand i DIDN'T HAVE IT BETTER. If she had it so much worse than me at our parents' hands, why does she still visit them voluntarily?

I'm currently trying to get authorisation to use my "government automatically took part of my salary to put in this medical mandatory savings account" money...because it'll cover 85% of my psychiatrist consults and medication costs for my anxiety and depression. It's bonkers it isn't automatically authorised because I've been paying cash copays of thousands per year for the past 6 years!

Sister has also been offering to pay for abusive sibling's therapy. I'm legit envious.

Otherwise if it wasn't for her, my life is good despite it all. I just need to land a job in this ultra competitive recession.

Sorry for the rant.

Bleh. I have to quarantine until my COVID test comes back, so no run for me this morning.

Trigger for weight stuff:

I think diets that do allow the occasional take away tend to be more successful in the longer term. You might have daily fluctuations and it might just be because of the extra salt from the food or period weight gain. Easier said than done I know but maybe just weigh every 4 days or weekly. When I was in my exercise phase I never bought a home scale and only used the one at the gym every two weeks or so. As long as you're going down

Maybe she keeps going because of the hope that one day they'll change? But also because of the cultural expectation of caring for your parents. However her continued visits do not mean that what you went through wasn't real.

It's okay to feel envious too of her helping your abusive sibling.

I'm glad the govemenet vouchers for food are helping and fingers crossed the saving account get approved.

If she's honestly causing you more upset at this point, maybe try to tone down contact with her too for now. Just because anyone is family doesn't mean they get to treat you badly.

Maybe you could also apply in different roles as well as your main field.

I agree, sustainable lifestyle changes are easier to stick to.

I don't have to lose weight but I'm borderline for high blood sugar and blood fat stuff. I made changes slowly (eg started cooking when I used to eat out twice a day, every single day) but still allow myself takeaways twice a month or so.

True, she still seems to hope they'll change. Plus they'll make her their executor, donee of they lose mental capacity etc. Would be weird for her to suddenly take my side and not visit.

I muted her on WhatsApp and I'm going to try to reduce how often I check for her messages.

I'll hear about the government thing this December hopefully. I did some of the authoritisation stuff but I will need to convince the psychiatrist (different one) to put in what's needed.

I'm applying quite broadly yeah. Outside of IT, but still loosely customer centric roles since that's generalisable. Office admin positions too.

Just got an email about a zoom interview by a maritime company who needs IT staff.

You're so caring to everyone, lemonmcake

I just found a candy called "Super Lemon"--that describes our girl pretty well, don't you think?

Very!

And its also ok to not be super all the time, LemonCake. You deserve caring and support during your tough times too. Everyone here

I suppose "Super Lonesome" would not make for a very popular candy...

Thanks, QM. I'm so divided on it. In part because he's giving me so much support right now during the pandemic. But then, he also upset me. And didn't understand why he'd upset me. I really think that's the hardest part, when he doesn't understand what I'm so upset about. Well, that and the shame-y stuff. I guess they sort of tie in together. You'd think he'd know me well enough by now to know he shouldn't share certain things with me, or if he does, that I will react strongly.


But then he's also great with some stuff, like anything to do with my D. And various other things. I've made lots of progress with him in many areas. And the relationship has generally been really good since I went back last September. But then, I realized at one point that I was sort of avoiding certain topics (like attachment stuff), so maybe *that's* part of why it was going so well? I don't know...

Hugs, I hope you hear back from her soon...

And I can understand why you're upset with your sister.

I don't know if it's hard to find therapists where you live but is seeing a t2 an option?

Ymmv but imo if attachment is important to your issues, a T who can do that kind of depth work is valuable.

That doesn't take away from how he's helpful in other ways.

There’s a new snack brand at my supermarket called “Eat Bugs.” I don’t know how well they’re doing (the shelf is always full).

We have sort of ridiculous number of therapists in my area, so finding one isn't so much an issue. It would be more figuring out expense, as I don't know if insurance would be willing to reimburse part of the fee for two different T's at the same time. And T's here tend to be expensive (and many, including mine, are out of network, so I have to pay 40% or more of their fee). Dr. T has said I could take a break at any time and come back, so I suppose that's a possibility? Or maybe if I saw him once a week and another T once a week, that could work out? I don't know...

The one I scheduled an intake with Wednesday does schema therapy, among other things, and I've been told that could be good for me. And very different from what Dr. T does, so perhaps could make sense to be seeing both at the same time? I don't know.

Is it actual insects?