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Whero
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Default Dec 17, 2020 at 08:47 PM
  #21
My friend said his T tried to make him cry because of the holidays.

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Default Dec 17, 2020 at 11:33 PM
  #22
I’m a very too the point, put it out there kind of person. So I just would say it. I don’t care if my voice is raised or if I’m shaking or crying. I don’t care if how I say something isn’t as warm and fuzzy as it could be. Anger is healthy and expression of anger is healthy.

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Default Dec 29, 2020 at 04:14 PM
  #23
My t usually notices when I get angry at her because I go quiet. Lately she has encouraged me to tell her why I am angry and what it was that she said to make me angry. This has been invaluable work for me because usually I just bottle up my anger and do anything to avoid expressing it.
Meeting t at the contact boundary and being honest with her about why I am angry has been hard and challenging but well worth exploring it with her.
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Default Dec 29, 2020 at 05:22 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by weaverbeaver View Post
My t usually notices when I get angry at her because I go quiet. Lately she has encouraged me to tell her why I am angry and what it was that she said to make me angry. This has been invaluable work for me because usually I just bottle up my anger and do anything to avoid expressing it.
Meeting t at the contact boundary and being honest with her about why I am angry has been hard and challenging but well worth exploring it with her.
That sounds great, how does she respond when you tell her what you are angry about? I’m interested because for me, telling my T what I was angry about was a bad experience, I’d like to hear people’s stories where it went well.
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Default Dec 29, 2020 at 05:46 PM
  #25
If I say, "I am angry with you", she responds in a very therapisty way and talks about welcoming my anger. That infuriates me further and feels stupid. If I act out my anger rather than describe it, she becomes defensive and we often find ourselves in a rupture. Of course, I can't always vocalise how I feel because acting it out is more familiar and so we are often in trouble.
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Default Dec 29, 2020 at 10:34 PM
  #26
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That sounds great, how does she respond when you tell her what you are angry about? I’m interested because for me, telling my T what I was angry about was a bad experience, I’d like to hear people’s stories where it went well.

She is always interested in exploring what is happening for me. Thankfully she doesn’t get defensive just curious.
So, often I will say, I felt judged or misunderstood and then we will talk about what happened that I felt t didn’t understand or that I felt judged by t. Often these are feelings that I feel a lot by people in general, so by talking about the why or the when it helps me to explore my own process or withdrawing and silencing myself when I get angry. T encourages me to stay with those feelings and express them with her. When she notices that I am withdrawing she will ask what happening or say she senses that I am feeling a strong emotion and invites me to share that with her.
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Default Dec 30, 2020 at 02:27 PM
  #27
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If I say, "I am angry with you", she responds in a very therapisty way and talks about welcoming my anger. That infuriates me further and feels stupid. If I act out my anger rather than describe it, she becomes defensive and we often find ourselves in a rupture. Of course, I can't always vocalise how I feel because acting it out is more familiar and so we are often in trouble.
How would you like her to respond? I always wanted to sort out with my T the thing that I was actually angry about, and for my T to acknowledge my hurt at something she’d inadvertently done or said to be valid, and possibly give some reflection on her part of the rupture.
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Lightbulb Dec 30, 2020 at 02:32 PM
  #28
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Originally Posted by weaverbeaver View Post
She is always interested in exploring what is happening for me. Thankfully she doesn’t get defensive just curious.
So, often I will say, I felt judged or misunderstood and then we will talk about what happened that I felt t didn’t understand or that I felt judged by t. Often these are feelings that I feel a lot by people in general, so by talking about the why or the when it helps me to explore my own process or withdrawing and silencing myself when I get angry. T encourages me to stay with those feelings and express them with her. When she notices that I am withdrawing she will ask what happening or say she senses that I am feeling a strong emotion and invites me to share that with her.
It sounds like this approach works for you, does it involve your T taking any responsibility for her part in the rupture? I’m asking partly as I want to know if others feel the same as me, in feeling this is needed, or whether its a bit f***** up that I feel I need that.
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Default Dec 31, 2020 at 10:51 AM
  #29
I struggle with feeling , naming and expressing most emotions. I normally just know some is off or what emotions I "should" be feeling. So in a session, honestly, I don't know that something made me upset. It is also why I have a hard time switching from being serious if she tells a joke.

It is only after the session when I have processed the appointment that I realize something bothered me. I couple of times she said something that really upset me. The first time I wrote her a letter and had her read it at the beginning of thr next appointment.

The second time, I was really hurt so I texted her a couple of days later to ask of we could talk on the .

For me both of these situations were a lot of progress. I never tell people they hurt me. She handled both situations very well and validates my pain.

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Default Jan 09, 2021 at 08:30 PM
  #30
I've been seriously angry at her once. On that day something was going on that was especially painful for me. My T knew about it - or should have, but she'd forgotten. She was in a meeting, I was waiting and waiting; she called me into session 15 minutes late.

I was raging. I mean, gonzo. Furious. I was sobbing and screaming at her, told her that if she was going to be late on such an important day that I don't need her in my life.

It was intense. I couldn't stop yelling and sobbing.

My T just listened to me, very closely. She didn't say anything. Eventually, she stood up and sat down next to me on the little sofa. She put her arms around me and held me. It was the best thing she could have done. I was hurting so severely about the entire day that I just melted against her and calmed down, aside from crying.

That was the only time I've felt truly angry at her. Besides that, I've only very occasionally been slightly annoyed. For example, for the first year I knew her she almost never used my name. It kind of got to me eventually, so I brought it up with her because it was bothering me enough that I felt stuck on it. She was quite surprised, but apologized.

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Last edited by *Beth*; Jan 09, 2021 at 08:43 PM..
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