[Fightergirl93]

Hi everyone.

So I'm just wondering about possible ways a therapist could soothe or satisfy a patient ?
Like when the therapist ask a patient what they'd wish for them to do.
Feel free to share your experiences on that and what the best thing was your therapist did (in case you've had or are having one) 😊😊

[nottrustin]

for me it is offering to hug me without me needing to ask. For me hugs were never safe growing up. So for them to offer me a hug proves to me some hugs can be safe. Plus, it reinforces that I am not all the negatives I have ever thought.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Hugs, holding hands, transitional objects, playing board games, answering questions, saying "I love you", wrapping myself up in her blanket, physically being present (i.e. with-ness), sitting on the floor with eachother, bringing my dog in and watching them together, emails, phone calls, her voice, her reassurances, laughing with her, making eye contact (she has beautiful eyes). The most soothing thing for me are her hugs and her voice. I could give up everything else if I had to, but not those two.

[ArtieTheSequal]

For me it's hugs (pre-covid of course), eye contact, sitting on the floor with me when I've asked, how present she is during sessions, laughing with me, the way she sees with her heart. All wrapped up in the one statement - that she has put up with me for the past 9 years.

[Amyjay]

I don't know. I don't think it is ethical for a therapist to soothe or satisfy a client. It's not really the role of a therapist to soothe or satisfy their clients. They are more there to help clients learn how to do that for themselves.
And no I don't think they have to teach that to clients by doing it for them. Therapists can teach and model self-compassion without encouraging dependence, or effectively "reparenting" them.

[Lostislost]

I would love hugs or some kind of touch but I'm too risky to touch apparently and it SUCKS. I wonder if a female T would be more willing to provide that for me. I am too close to T to change to a female anyway.

[Rive.]

This thread is a painful read.

Originally Posted by Rive.

This thread is a painful read.

Would you mind explaining a bit about how this is painful for you? I am interested because this thread is painful for me too. It highlights how hostile and shutdown I am, and how unhappy I am in this state. My therapist offers me many of the "loving" actions people here are describing, but my feelings of disgust and shame block me from being able to accept them. I am certainly not in a place to enjoy them or feel soothed by them and this is a lonely place. It must be a wholesome experience to be able to yield to something caring when it is offered.

[Salmon77]

The best thing my T does is probably just being there for me at a stable place and time. I don't think of it as his job to "soothe" me but it's generally comforting to know I can rely on someone.

[SlumberKitty]

Just being there. The other day when I was spiraling pretty bad into a crisis, I texted T and she called back within 30 minutes. We talked for 5 but she reminded me of my coping techniques and was just there. Hearing her voice was soothing.

Former T the most comforting thing she did for me was probably hugs, but more than that, one time when she wasn't going to be using one of her offices, she let me use it to unwind, stay safe, for about four hours when I wasn't in a good headspace.

This is painful for me as well as I realize T can't and won't soothe nor satisfy me. Sure he walks with me on this journey and will offer a kind word or gesture. My wounds are too deep and will only be truly comforted by continuing to grow from the work of therapy and other self care.

[just2b]

She gave me a blanket 4 years ago, i use it here and there. She gave me a small river rock. Has written sayings on paper for me to look at.she offered a hug once. After that she hasnt. I asked her to write something and she told me she could not do that. I asked her to record her voice saying whatecer she wanted and she refused, i now have a love hate relationship with the blanket. And since the insurance has been an issue since august we have been on a monthly basis and when i asked about the status and talked about it . She asked me what will change from going from monthly to weekly sessions, and i could not answer on the spot. I immediately felt it was a set up question to justify the weekly vs monthly sessions, and so feel like she doesnt want to see me anymore. I make that up. Sent an email and not trusting she will respond. Like i told her. I hate feelings and hate people, so i dont care anymore.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I don't guess I really asked for anything in particular. I think what was most soothing/satisfying was simply their consistency. I never doubted their commitment to being there when I asked for their help; it was never in question and they never let me down. I guess that is about as soothing and satisfying as it gets really.

[stopdog]

I never looked to a therapist for comfort or soothing. I doubt there was any thing either of the women could have done that I would find comforting or soothing. They did not hold a position of those who could comfort or soothe.

[jirafe]

Most of the time my therapy has been conducted during pandemia and therefore over Skype. Some ways my therapist has been comforting:

• Telling me it is ok to feel whatever I am feeling. That "Heart wants what it wants" when my logic contradited my feelings and I felt ashamed because of that.

• Telling me she will be there for me and I am not alone facing my struggles.

• Looking kind and gentle when I am upset, anxious or sad. We can seat in silince this way for a while and it is very smoothing.

• Reassuring me that I am safe in this space with her.

• Telling me she believes I do have the capability to feel better. It is not simple " it will be OK" statement. It is more like "I believe in You".

Whatever is done to the benefit of the patient is worth doing and ethical. Her aproach has changed me and my attitude to people and was highly therapeutic.

[sarahsweets]

I do not think physical contact is a good thing nor do I think soothing should be a therapists goal. If anything validation and solutions are best IMO.

[*Beth*]

My therapist is a kind-of hippie (but serious) grandma type. She gives great hugs (I'm a hugger), once she held my hand, and once I was furious at her and yelling at her. She just listened, then came and sat next to me and held me. I felt so comforted. I'm very comfortable with physical affection,. so it works for me. I hope and pray we'll go back to those times by the summer, because of course - covid.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I do not think physical contact is a good thing nor do I think soothing should be a therapists goal. If anything validation and solutions are best IMO.

Validation is a strong example of soothing.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

Validation is a strong example of soothing.

I would agree. My T tends to be very validating (particularly lately), and I find it to be rather soothing. I think partly because I didn't get much validation in childhood.

ETA: But the most physical touch he would ever do is a handshake.

[Fuzzybear]

I haven't had an ethical therapist so I can't answer this question. As expected, I have found opinions on this issue to be very divided. Respect to you.

Validation from a therapist can certainly be soothing.

Invalidation from a therapist is brutal

I'm wondering how the OP is experiencing this, ethical ''soothing'' from a therapist?

[nottrustin]

I have been thinking about this after my last appointment with T since physical soothing is not a option. Some of thr things she does is softens her voice when she knows I am really having a hard time. Also when we having deep discussion she tilts her head to the side that for whatever reason feels caring and compassionate. Last week she said she was was feeling protective of me which was why she was handling the situation the way she was. Often it has been responding to outside emails and texts which allows foe consistently.