[seeker33]

... And can't expect others to fully understand him

[stopdog]

True enough. But so? Is this about therapy?

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by stopdog

True enough. But so? Is this about therapy?

Yes, it's about therapist not understanding and not helping

[stopdog]

True -they often do not

[Brown Owl 2]

I think feel a lot less alone with my problems since I started therapy. I understand it all better and don’t feel so separate from other people. I realise others feel things that are similar in some ways (this board helps with that) It’s hard when a T doesn’t seem to understand.

[Mountaindewed]

I went through the last number of pages of posts on my history of this site. I went as far back as May of last year and I can say that therapy has been a huge part of my problems and her not understanding or I think she’s not getting things.

[Rive.]

I don't think any other human being, T or not, could really truly understand what anyone else is going through. I mean, how could anyone?! Nobody else can walk in your shoes and be, or know, you as well as you.

It is not because one is a T that they magically have the key to understanding us.

The most a client can aim for is to gain their... empathy? validation? support? strategies or tools to break free of patterns? But that's about it.

Now if you mean you feel totally alone and T shows not an iota of understanding, then I would say it is high time to switch Ts.

[SlumberKitty]

[Taylor27]

Originally Posted by Rive.

I don't think any other human being, T or not, could really truly understand what anyone else is going through. I mean, how could anyone?! Nobody else can walk in your shoes and be, or know, you as well as you.

It is not because one is a T that they magically have the key to understanding us.

The most a client can aim for is to gain their... empathy? validation? support? strategies or tools to break free of patterns? But that's about it.

Now if you mean you feel totally alone and T shows not an iota of understanding, then I would say it is high time to switch Ts.

I totally agree

[stopdog]

I never found therapists, people who are strangers you hand money over to, to be all that much of anything. But they do SELL themselves as being supportive and understanding. I mean - they lie -but they do advertise it. So I don't think it is completely out of the realm for clients to think they might mean it - I think they do everything in their power to convince the client they are - regardless of whether they mean it or not - they just want clients to think it.

[comrademoomoo]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I never found therapists, people who are strangers you hand money over to, to be all that much of anything. But they do SELL themselves as being supportive and understanding. I mean - they lie -but they do advertise it. So I don't think it is completely out of the realm for clients to think they might mean it - I think they do everything in their power to convince the client they are - regardless of whether they mean it or not - they just want clients to think it.

****** therapists might invest in this kind of misconception, undoubtedly ego driven on their behalf and ultimately painful for their clients. I think most ordinary therapists try and understand, often failing, but operating within the limits of human interaction. Sometimes providing understanding and support is as simple as listening and giving someone time. I do this all the time in my job. I don't over sell or exaggerate. Some people find it useful, some don't. It's just humans trying to interact and survive emotionally. If you assume therapists can offer something grand, you will leave bitter and frustrated.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by seeker33

... And can't expect others to fully understand him

I guess I define "alone" differently. I used to feel quite alone with my problems and I kept silence and distance from others about those problems, leaving myself quite alone. It was rather self-inflicted "aloneness" I guess.

Finding a therapist with whom I could break that silence was a first step away from that solitary existence.

I don't know that I ever expected my therapists to "fully" understand what I had gone through, but that did not mean they could not hear me, and for someone who had lived in silence, feeling heard was life changing. I was okay with being heard by an individual willing to invest some time even trying to understand. And those therapists came pretty darned close to understanding me more "fully" than any other people in my life. That was healing.

Over time, largely due to my therapists' willingness to listen and give my own problems serious thought and consideration, an act which was so validating for me, I learned to reach out to others in my life when I needed support in my problems. They're different problems now (not quite as intimate or secretive I guess), but I feel safe sharing and asking for support from others for those problems for which I do need a listening ear.

So no, I no longer feel so "alone" with my problems. Do I expect others to completely, "fully" understand what I am going through? No, but I have found the human capacity for listening and just sitting with me as I face some very difficult times quite bolstering and strengthening.

[satsuma]

I agree OP but also would nuance a bit - I think it’s true that nobody will ever fully and completely understand us and always be able to give us the support we need; and that fact can be very painful, especially in hard times and I think especially for those of us who didn’t have the love and support we needed as children (because childhood would usually be the one time in life that you DO receive mostly good-enough unconditional love, and not receiving it can be v damaging as we know).
But then I think that even though what you said is true, there ARE / CAN BE people who care about us even though they sometimes let us down and sometimes don’t understand us; and we can surround ourselves with people who are basically good people, who we can be close with in different degrees, and all of whom sometimes understand us and sometimes are there for us. And then we are not completely alone, even while knowing that nobody is completely reliable or completely there for us.
We’ve been in lockdown for so long here in England - I feel like I can’t really remember not being - and it’s been really noticeable to me how important it has been for me to keep talking to friends. Also very noticeable that all my friends have ‘let me down’ ie been unavailable when I really needed them, or totally failed to understand me - as I probably have for them, because we’re all going through a hard time - but always when one person has been totally flaky, another has been kind and supportive. So even though it’s upsetting, I can kind of see that I need to make allowances for everyone and that in the round it’s better to be surrounded by others - emotionally and on Skype etc - even though everyone will sometimes let you down.