Couch 223: Jan 4: Darn Tootin'!

Sounds like a marvelous day, good for you!

Thank you!

Nah, and she won't either. We left it as I'm supposed to call her when I'm ready to go back, because I really didn't think I was going to want to until our overtime is done. Of course with this new decree of us having to perform 3 different job functions this month, I don't want to wait until February anymore!! I'll probably text her tomorrow.


I'm also struggling (again) with feeling resentful of h not working for the past 8 months or whatever he's been off. I mean I get it, and I want him to be safe and not get covid, but at the same time it's hard to not feel resentful sometimes when I'm working so much. It helps when he goes out and picks up dinner for us, and does stuff around the house so I don't have to, but.... it still gets to me from time to time.

Hahaha 😝 this made me laugh hard. Couscous haha

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal Thank you! Nah, and she won't either. We left it as I'm supposed to call her when I'm ready to go back, because I really didn't think I was going to want to until our overtime is done. Of course with this new decree of us having to perform 3 different job functions this month, I don't want to wait until February anymore!! I'll probably text her tomorrow. I'm also struggling (again) with feeling resentful of h not working for the past 8 months or whatever he's been off. I mean I get it, and I want him to be safe and not get covid, but at the same time it's hard to not feel resentful sometimes when I'm working so much. It helps when he goes out and picks up dinner for us, and does stuff around the house so I don't have to, but.... it still gets to me from time to time.

Is he not pulling his weight in other ways besides work? I mean, I know you said he does stuff around the house, but does he do as much as you do?

I am now watching two live cams one of an albatross nest and one of peregrine falcons.
I love the albatross. The falcons are a little flappier

Aaaand I'm awake. Went to bed early because I was exhausted, and now I'm up. Hopefully I'll just be up for a few hours instead of all night.

Darn this night shift circadian rhythm nonsense

I am desperately missing the animals.

Actually to be fair to him, he's doing a good bit more than he used to, and I'm grateful for that. Which is why I hate that I get resentful of his not working. I'm probably just whining because of the tripling up of my job duties and because my stupid shoulder is getting worse. I'm just a barrel of fun lately aren't I?

My shoulder woke up me up at like 3:30am so I decided to just get up and take a hot shower and then start work an hour earlier than usual so I can hopefully get off an hour earlier. I have a dr appt a week from friday to get it looked at and get the orders for an xray or whatever they will want to do. Something is torn in there I think, but who knows. I'm of course hoping I'm wrong and that I won't have to have surgery. Not the time for an elective-type surgery which I'm sure this would be considered since I can still function and it's not life-threatening. If it keeps getting worse though I'll have to drag the reclining patio chair in the house again and sleep in in that, it's the only way I can sleep on my back and not roll over on my side. Ok time to go to work. Later couchies.

Do you have a approx date for getting them back?

Artie, I hope nothing serious is wrong with your shoulder. Just wanted to let you know that when my H had a tear in...now I forget which thing he tore in his shoulder. But they gave him physical therapy and would have just done surgery as a last resort. He didn't end up needing surgery. So they'd likely at least start with PT rather than go right to surgery (unless you were, say, a professional athlete and were trying to get back to normal ASAP).

Artie it's okay to talk about what's bothering you, if you feel resentful you feel resentful. It's just something that is. I used to feel so much shame about being jealous, but I've slowly learnt that it's also okay to have negative emotions too, without adding extra suffering on top.

Just an idea, but maybe the shoulder pain is linked to work? Maybe your not sitting properly at your desk.

Thanks LT! I'm hoping I can do PT, and not have to have surgery. My h had a torn labrum (sp?) a long time ago, that he had to have surgery on I guess that's why I'm worried about surgery. But of course I don't know what is wrong with mine. Probably something different because it hurts in a different place than his did.


Thanks Lemon, I appreciate that. I think my shoulder has been messed up since I fell in April of 2019 just before having that appendix surgery - but it only bothered me infrequently until this past semester's class; I had been using my laptop in our office/spare bedroom sitting on the couch with my laptop on the coffee table, and I guess because of being on my laptop so much during that class, and having to use the mouse a lot with my arm stretched out in front of me to reach it, is what did it. That's my thought anyway. Like it's some kind of repetative-use injury or something. I dunno. I've since moved my laptop into the kitchen and it's better in here. Anyways I'm hoping they'll have me try PT first. We shall see....

Off again today! I had breakfast with my BFF at a really lovely bagel shop and get to hang out with the BF later.

I really should use this free time to straighten up my room, which has gotten a bit cluttered since I've been working so much, but I'm feeling soooo lazy.

Labrum! That was it.

Anxiety can bite me. H had some guys out here this morning about taking down a tree in our front yard, and I don't even understand why, but standing out there listening to them talk about how much it's going to cost made my anxiety skyrocket. I don't understand why because we had already budgeted that amount for the work to be done, they gave us a discount because we said we could pay with a check instead of with a credit card. And as many hours as I'm working, my overtime is going to cover a good chunk of it. Stupid anxiety. Meh. I texted L to schedule for this Friday.

I'm at work and I'm the only one in the office again. There's another office and there's a woman in there but it is in a totally different building. Two people are off work due to Covid. One is off work due to stomach troubles. I have that massive scanning project to do but very little motivation to do it except that I downloaded a few audio books to my phone and I can listen to them while I do the scanning. It's just so boring to do the scanning project and it feels so massive. Like I will never be finished with it.


I'm worried about my Pdoc appointment tomorrow. Not sure how much I should tell him about the hallucinations. Part of me is like tell him everything. The other part of me seems to think it's not such a big deal now because I'm not having the same intensity of them now. I get 25 minutes. I hope I use those minutes and don't just say, everything's fine. I should write something out so I can refer to it and let him know the things that have been bothering me. But we'll see if I actually do.


T on Saturday. 4 days away. I haven't seen her since the 19th I think of December. So it's been a while. Now that I'm not in crisis it doesn't feel like there is anything to talk about there either. When I needed to talk to her (last week) I couldn't because I had been exposed to Covid. Now this week I will be able to talk to her, assuming my Covid test comes back negative. But now it seems like what is the point? I lose my bearings and then once I regain them I forget what it is like to lose my bearings.

I got to email a friend of mine who I have been friends with for 20 years. It was good to "talk" with her. We had written before Christmas but this last contact just felt so loving and wonderful. I just want to stay in that space forever.

HUGS Artie. In my experience, anxiety isn't always very logical. I hope L can see you Friday.

My very favorite song from summer camp: Iowa (Dar Williams)

Oh, I love this song and was just listening to it the other day! I actually got to interview Dar Williams (over the phone) for my college newspaper...uh, like 22 years ago. She was very friendly and complimented me on the questions I asked.