[Brown Owl 2]

I’m guessing that my T is blissfully oblivious to the pain I feel at the ending of my therapy. I have imagined that if, when we die, we are able to see any pain that we have caused to other people in our lives, then she would see it. I would like that to happen as I want her to know it, and see and own her part in it. I want her to be shocked and horrified and remorseful. Actually I want her to know her part in it now and feel that now and make amends to me now. But I suppose if that process were to happen on our death, then I would also see that I had caused pain to a lot of people in the course of my life. I’ve trawled mentally (and remorsefully) through my life guessing who those people might have been. That thought has made me feel a bit better for some reason. Maybe it’s the reflection that we are all fallible humans bumbling our way through life.

[Yaowen]

Dear Brown Owl 2,

As someone who is bumbling through life, I can definitely relate to what you wrote. We human beings are such a complex mixture of contrary thoughts and feelings. I am no stranger to being hurt, to wanting revenge, to wanting to be merciful, to seeing the narrow view, to seeing the wide view. We human beings are so mysterious. I wish I could say something that would be helpful to you, but sadly I am at a loss. Sometimes when we want to say something helpful to someone who is hurting, the words just won't come. So sorry!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, I'm sorry... I was really broken about the end of my therapy with my former marriage counselor. He allowed me to continue contact on occasion, so I emailed him a half-dozen times in the year after ending to help process it. Which helped. Now I haven't emailed him in nearly a year (checked in on him near start of pandemic). No idea if your ex-T would allow this, but even typing up/writing what you'd like to say to her could potentially help. Even if you don't ever send it.

[Brown Owl 2]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

Dear Brown Owl 2,

As someone who is bumbling through life, I can definitely relate to what you wrote. We human beings are such a complex mixture of contrary thoughts and feelings. I am no stranger to being hurt, to wanting revenge, to wanting to be merciful, to seeing the narrow view, to seeing the wide view. We human beings are so mysterious. I wish I could say something that would be helpful to you, but sadly I am at a loss. Sometimes when we want to say something helpful to someone who is hurting, the words just won't come. So sorry!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Thanks Yao Wen. Your reply is more helpful than you think.

[Brown Owl 2]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, I'm sorry... I was really broken about the end of my therapy with my former marriage counselor. He allowed me to continue contact on occasion, so I emailed him a half-dozen times in the year after ending to help process it. Which helped. Now I haven't emailed him in nearly a year (checked in on him near start of pandemic). No idea if your ex-T would allow this, but even typing up/writing what you'd like to say to her could potentially help. Even if you don't ever send it.

Thanks Lonesome, that’s great that MC allowed you to do that with him. I feel that I need a clean break. I need to put it behind me, I think that time will sort this out for me. I also have found a new T. This one seems to me to be the best I’ve ever worked with, that is also helping a lot. I decided in the end that the last one was kind of on automatic when we were talking, she had this set way of responding, and she tended to reject my occasional challenges to her out of hand without much reflection. My new one is the antithesis.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2

Thanks Lonesome, that’s great that MC allowed you to do that with him. I feel that I need a clean break. I need to put it behind me, I think that time will sort this out for me. I also have found a new T. This one seems to me to be the best I’ve ever worked with, that is also helping a lot. I decided in the end that the last one was kind of on automatic when we were talking, she had this set way of responding, and she tended to reject my occasional challenges to her out of hand without much reflection. My new one is the antithesis.

Honestly, a clean break is probably better. I think it drew things out too long with ex-MC that he let me still communicate (and presumably still would, I just no long have the desire/need to).


With ex-T, I just told her at the end of session that I was going to try out a different T, probably just for a couple months, then come back to her. Or if I decided to stay with him, I'd at least go back to her for a termination session. Yeah, I stayed with the new T (now been seeing him over 3 years) and never went back. I realized that going back would be for her, not me, and that's not who I'm doing therapy for.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2

Thanks Lonesome, that’s great that MC allowed you to do that with him. I feel that I need a clean break. I need to put it behind me, I think that time will sort this out for me. I also have found a new T. This one seems to me to be the best I’ve ever worked with, that is also helping a lot. I decided in the end that the last one was kind of on automatic when we were talking, she had this set way of responding, and she tended to reject my occasional challenges to her out of hand without much reflection. My new one is the antithesis.

Hugs, I'm sorry you've been so hurt by this T (I personally can relate to having been very hurt by a couple of T's who in a sense were on ''automatic'' and who definitely rejected my occasional gentle challenges of them (in a harsh way grrrr and without much or any reflection)

It's great to read that you have a new therapist who is the antithesis of this.