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Default Jan 11, 2021 at 12:06 PM
  #1
Ugh, that ugly word, termination. I've been worried about it for a long time, because T is getting older and will want to retire soon. I asked her directly, and she said, "Not this year, but maybe in 2-3 years." I then spent the next third of my session "ugly crying."
I asked her if we could be friends afterward. She said no. But because we have a number of mutual friends, I'm sure I'll see her at certain events and parties.
I asked her if she had thoughts of moving. She said "maybe for the winter months."
I asked her if, God Forbid, she dies, could I go to her funeral. She said yes.
My T, my wife, and I are all getting older. I am so afraid of living without my wife. I'm basically afraid of loss; I have had so much of it in my life. My grieving has started, and I know what a rollercoaster that can be. I asked if people get another therapist to work through termination with a previous T and she said yes. But something else I'm wondering is if I should just look for a T who specializes in geriatrics.
Fortunately I still have a lot of stuff to think about and preoccupy myself with. I want to retire soon, too, but I don't have a day in mind. The Pandemic has made everything worse, and I don't say this as a white woman with privilege; my sister-in-law died on November 13, from Covid-19. I have immune issues. I hardly ever leave my house. My depression waxes and wanes.
Thanks for letting me vent.
--Cool

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Default Jan 11, 2021 at 03:00 PM
  #2
Dear coolibrarian,

I like your screen name; perhaps because I was a librarian once.

It is heartbreaking that you may lose your T. I can't even imagine how stressful and distressing that is. People who have never experienced the pain of this kind of loss could never understand. Wish I knew what to say to help ease your grief!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Jan 11, 2021 at 09:15 PM
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You have been seeing T for quite some time. So I can understand your pain and grief. The two of you have have dealt with lot in that time. Hopefull, you will be able to help make the transition a bit easier inches timeyou have left.

You asked a hard guesting thatI would be afraid to ask because I would not want the answer; congratulations for doing so.

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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 09:03 AM
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I can relate to what you are going through my first t I was with her for 7 years it was very difficult to go through the termination. I took 2 years off from therapy it just hurt too much. I hope your therapist can help you through this.
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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 06:16 PM
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I can very well relate to your situation. My therapist turned 70 in November; I'm quite sure that she won't continue working for more than 2 or 3 years. I'm 58, and wonder to myself what I'll do when my T retires. Find another one? She would have to be older than I am by at least a few years. Stop doing therapy?

I just don't know, so I try not to have an abundance of anticipatory anxiety. But it's hard; I've also had an oddly high number of losses in my life...sometimes it gets to me.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your SIL. A dear friend of mine died from covid this past Sunday. What a horror this pandemic is.

Anyway, I wish I had some answers for you - or even suggestions. The most I can suggest is to make good use of the skills you're developing in therapy and take it a day at a time.

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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 06:41 PM
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You have been seeing T for quite some time. So I can understand your pain and grief. The two of you have have dealt with lot in that time. Hopefull, you will be able to help make the transition a bit easier inches timeyou have left.

You asked a hard guesting thatI would be afraid to ask because I would not want the answer; congratulations for doing so.
Nottrustin' which was the hard question in your opinion? I think they were all hard, particularly since I was also crying at the time.

--Cool

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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 06:42 PM
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I can relate to what you are going through my first t I was with her for 7 years it was very difficult to go through the termination. I took 2 years off from therapy it just hurt too much. I hope your therapist can help you through this.
I think she will be able to help me, but it is going to be SO PAINFUL. I've been seeing her since 1988.

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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 06:45 PM
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I can very well relate to your situation. My therapist turned 70 in November; I'm quite sure that she won't continue working for more than 2 or 3 years. I'm 58, and wonder to myself what I'll do when my T retires. Find another one? She would have to be older than I am by at least a few years. Stop doing therapy?

I just don't know, so I try not to have an abundance of anticipatory anxiety. But it's hard; I've also had an oddly high number of losses in my life...sometimes it gets to me.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your SIL. A dear friend of mine died from covid this past Sunday. What a horror this pandemic is.

Anyway, I wish I had some answers for you - or even suggestions. The most I can suggest is to make good use of the skills you're developing in therapy and take it a day at a time.
Thank you. Yes, my T will be 70 in July and I am 61, so you see we share some common things.
The Pandemic, besides killing people, is making every other hard thing even harder.

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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 11:48 PM
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Nottrustin' which was the hard question in your opinion? I think they were all hard, particularly since I was also crying at the time.

--Cool
If she plans to retire soon. I wouldhave been afraid to ask because not wanting to har that she was.

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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 11:30 AM
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I've been asking for months, whether she was considering retirement.

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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 11:43 AM
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I've been asking for months, whether she was considering retirement.
Wow. That's a tough conversation to have. It's better to know than not know in my opinion but it's hard.

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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 12:16 AM
  #12
I can definitely empathize with you in regards to the termination process. I had a therapist retire about a year after I started seeing him and it was incredibly hard for me. It took a while before I was willing to process it with another therapist, but eventually I did and it was helpful.

I think it might be a good idea to find a therapist who has experience working with older adults. My current therapist, in addition to other things, specializes in grief and aging. I can see how he would be helpful were that a concern of mine.
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