What might my counselor feel about sharing that much personal stuff?

My counselor, who isn't a therapist - we do something similar to "supportive chats", has shared rather a lot about herself from the start of our contact two years ago.

Sometimes I feel she perhaps feel there's a need for her to share something as I, as her patient, shares about myself and what happens to me.

I'm not sure but today I got a hunch that she feels she needs at least some kind of boundaries which I feel only positive about.

Sometimes I slip into her way of sharing about herself and I ask about or comment on something more personal. I don't know what she actually thinks about that, as an exemple I asked her if she'd had negative experiences in the town she was born as she told me she wouldn't want to move back there.

I really wonder if she shares as much with other long term patients and if she's really comfortable with it. It's not my responsibility to guide her into how much she shares or not but I do wonder about it.

How would you reason around this?

If it were me, I'd think she shares as much as she is comfortable with.

Interesting, could you elaborate on that a little? Sometimes, even if I most often don't do it, ask her questions in addition to something the already has mentioned. I think the might feel a need to answer me even if she hasn't planned to tell me more if I didn't ask her if you understand my way of thoughts on this?

I know you said she's not a therapist so she might be able to disclose more than some therapists would. That said, I find that most people disclose as much as they want to and if they don't want to answer something will either deflect or will change the subject or something. I wouldn't worry too much about her feeling like she needs to answer you if she hadn't planned on it. In my experience most people just share what they are comfortable with and then find a way to gracefully or otherwise get out of the conversation.


Do you worry about her telling you too much? It does seem more two sided than traditional therapy which is one sided. That said I do know a fair amount about my T. I know that she's divorced. She has two grown children (boys) and two grandchildren (a boy and a girl). I know she is Catholic. I know that her ex committed suicide. I know some of her past jobs that she did before she became a T. I know her mother was abusive and her father was absent emotionally. I know that her mom was an alcoholic and that she supported her in her adult life. So I know a lot even without having asked. But I don't worry that she has told me too much. She obviously has told me quite a bit. But if she didn't want to tell me or didn't want me to know she would have not said it. And some of it doesn't relate to me and my therapy so it isn't all to make me better. Some of it must be for her own gratification. And that's okay with me. I don't ask her questions about her life or ask her to elaborate. I figure if she wants to tell me more she will. If not we'll get back to talking about me. It's not something I think a lot about.

That said, sometimes I worry that I overshare. Not so much with my therapist.....but just in life. Sometimes I think, oh well, I probably shouldn't have said all that. But I don't think it bothers other people. They never seem bothered. It is me worrying about taking up space.

How would I reason around it?
I would not care one way or the other about a therapist's feelings about anything. I simply would not waste my time on the whole idea of it.

I have had counsellors (not so much with therapists) do this, they have told me about the major events in their lives, traumas, how they met their partners etc. I think it can be quite normal if they feel it’s relevant in some way to share with you. One time a counsellor even told me how and why he had tried to end his life previously.

If it isn’t relevant to what you are saying, they might just be trying to form a connection with you through sharing their personal experiences. I was always curious whether everything they said was true, or if they just came up with stuff on the spot to try to connect with me. Either way, if you are wondering about it I would ask her everything you’ve asked in your post and see what she says.

She is likely comfortable with sharing and likely shares with others too, otherwise she’d not share. I don’t see a t right now but a couple that I saw did share and it’s fine with me. It was relevant to whatever we discussed. I don’t see any reason to reason around it. Does it bother you that she shares?

I think people will share what they comfortable with and what is appropriate, including Ts. I know both my Rs share based upon what is appropriate for the client My current T has shared more about her family because for me it is important how sheeould handle it. I am not one for knowing what the books say. We also discuss our shared faith and various aspects of it. She does not usually share her religion because of society's preconceived ideas of what Catholic's think. She told me during my first appointment that she normally doesn't share religious informationwith most clients but since my church activities are a huge part of my life she felt it was appropriate. I suspect she shares information with other clients that hasn't come up in ours

I think people share to a level they feel comfortable. My therapists shared some very personal things with me, but it never felt like they were over-sharing or in any way uncomfortable about what they shared. I think they shared with their clients to whatever level felt relevant and appropriate for them.

My therapist tells me personal things and I never ask her questions about the things she tells me. I think that’s why she keeps telling me stuff that’s none of my business.

I’ve asked a couple questions before when she’s told me stuff and she seemed uncomfortable answering them. And I think maybe don’t bring up the subject in the first place? I just ignore all the personal things now.

With my T my assumption is that if he shares something, it is because he feels comfortable doing so, and/or thinks it will be helpful to me. If I ask a question he doesn't feel okay about answering, he deflects the question or turns it back to me, or otherwise just changes the subject. So I don't really worry because it's up to him to share or not.

Thanks. I don´t worry about her telling me too much per se but when she tells about herself I sometimes ask her questions connected to that and I don´t want to risk asking something she finds nosy or inappropriate.

At the same time, I most often avoid asking her questions that concern something more personal.

Sometimes I also feel that she tries to come up with something to say when I´ve shared something and that´s not what I want to happen. I don´t need her to share to be able to share myself.

It seems that though your therapist is an actual therapist she shares rather a lot. I don´t mean that in a negative sense but she seems to share more of personal stuff than many therapists do.

As you, I think my counselor sometimes shares with me just because she wants to vent. In those cases it´s mostly about her job and things that happen there.

Thanks. At least I´m not the only one who've experienced this then as you tell me about your counselors and what they´ve shared with you. I think everything my counselor do share is true and it´s more about the balance and intent. As she´s not a therapist I don´t think she has any actual plan for what she shares, she just talks.

Thanks. Yes, I hope she is. It doesn´t bother me in that sense but sometimes I find it hard to know how to respond as the natural thing for me is to comment and to engage in what she tells me. At the same time I don´t want to take up too much time on what she tells me.

I often try to get back to me and my situation, not getting into discussions about everyday stuff. I often notice she avoids talking about feelings and she never asks me about how I feel in different situations.

Thanks. Yes, I completely agree on what you mention about sharing stuff and then not wanting to answer questions. I think it´s either or even if there has to be some kind of boundary of course. But starting to share and then making the client feel embarrassed for asking is not good practice.

If I want to ask a personal question of my T I will always tell her I have a question but understand if she doesn't want to answer. I would never ask anything deeply personal, she has always answered my question.

As far as venting about her job and it is about how much she dislikes it or whatever I would be really upset because I am part of her job.

My therapist shares what I consider a lot about her life. The only time I have a problem with it is when I have something I need to talk about and we spend 10 minutes discussing something in her life. But that very, very rarely happens.