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Lostislost
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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 05:05 AM
  #1
Like one week they were how they usually are, and the next week was like they had a personality transplant?

I found out I was pregnant when we were on Christmas break. I've only seen him twice this year and now he's taking another break which is unusual.

I don't know if it's me or him. He asked me a strange unprompted question yesterday, about how the father of my child feels about becoming a Dad. I have been worrying since.

Sometimes he says things and I feel like he doesn't know me at all. I've been seeing him weekly for 5 years. There have been moments when I felt so close to him, and I thought he felt close to me. With things he has said or done, borrowing books, talking about similar interests, small gift exchanges, even touching which helped me a lot.

There has not been any of that recently. Maybe I do not inspire him anymore. Anyway, I feel disconnected and scared because he was my go to person. Not sure what to do. Sorry for the long post.
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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 06:44 AM
  #2
Do you think it is possible that he is off because he is also feeling stressed and anxious becausee of of everything going on now?

My T hasn't been her normal self the last couple of weeks. We dIscussed that most people are feeling some degree of crisis and anxiety and she confirmed she is also feeling anxious.

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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 07:44 AM
  #3
If he's taking another break, maybe something is going on in his personal life that's affecting how he is as a therapist? In which case, it's probably good he's taking the other break. Also, I don't see the question he asked you as being that unusual, but then I could definitely see my T asking a question like that.


What Nottrustin mentioned about everything going on in the world right now could also be playing a role--I see you're listed as being in the UK, so you're under another lockdown, right? I definitely see where that would lead to stress or anxiety. (I'm in the US, and we have plenty of reasons to be anxious right now....)
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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 07:49 AM
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Thats so hard and worrisome! Maybe something happened with his family and he is just stressed out.
Can you talk to him about it?
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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 08:00 AM
  #5
Thanks for the replies. I asked him in the session if he was sad or if anything was wrong, he sort of laughed it off while saying no.

Yes we have another lockdown, but it doesn't affect our therapy sessions - I have seen him in person all year.

I really hate this part of therapy where you can't know the truth about your therapist. On the other hand, I'm really scared that I was wrong about him, and he doesn't know me at all.

The question he asked about my partner is odd to me, because I didn't bring it up...I felt like he wanted me to say my partner didn't want the baby. I feel confused. I'm also very sick and stressed out, so that probably isn't helping.
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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 03:24 PM
  #6
Mine seemed to suddenly change a couple months ago. But then she goes back to being nice and caring at times. It’s kinda frustrating because I never know what she’s going to be like. I think she brings her personal problems into work a lot. I get different positive opinions and reactions from other people and I do and act the exact same way with them. So I know part of it’s me. But it can’t surely be all me.

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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 10:42 PM
  #7
It must be confusing for you, sending hugs xx

Recently my T changed a bit too, it's hard to describe what the changes are exactly, and what the reason is behind it. I think initially it started from an email I sent her, after that she became more talkative in sessions which is a change, because I don't talk a lot, and usually over half of our sessions are silences, since she started talking more, this improved, and I would say it helped me a lot than her just leaving me in silence.

Another thing is in recent months she become a lot softer, and a lot more motherly. Which is weird at first not going to lie, she goes into this comforting mode at the end of a difficult session. Which is a bit of the opposite of why I chose to work with her because she didn't seem flinched, and I really hated those teary eyes therapists. Weirdly enough though I felt ok when she tries to comfort me or reassure me however you call it, I mean it wasn't exactly comforting but at least I didn't mind it. I don't know if she's becoming a lot more motherly because she's pregnant and she is about to be a mum for the first time. Also she never used to reply emails, unless she can't wait until the next session to tell me, but she started replying emails which is weird, cos I got used to her not replying.
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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 10:49 PM
  #8
No. The woman was never consistent enough to suddenly change. She would not have remembered my name except she wrote it in her calendar. It is possible she would not have remembered her own 99% of the time.

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Default Jan 14, 2021 at 06:55 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by emmaleemochizuki View Post
It must be confusing for you, sending hugs xx
Thank you, yes I think any sudden change can affect the therapy. He is male and doesnt have children. I am pregnant and suffering from hyperemesis, which he doesn't understand or research at all. I told him last session how I felt like I was dying from the sickness! He replied that I 'looked ok'. Wtf is that supposed to mean. Why doesn't he care like he used to.

I get what you guys mean about therapists being anxious about covid, politics etc but I really think they should be honest about it. They are meant to have learned coping strategies and have supervision - I have nothing without therapy.
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Default Jan 14, 2021 at 01:19 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by Lostislost View Post
Thank you, yes I think any sudden change can affect the therapy. He is male and doesnt have children. I am pregnant and suffering from hyperemesis, which he doesn't understand or research at all. I told him last session how I felt like I was dying from the sickness! He replied that I 'looked ok'. Wtf is that supposed to mean. Why doesn't he care like he used to.

I get what you guys mean about therapists being anxious about covid, politics etc but I really think they should be honest about it. They are meant to have learned coping strategies and have supervision - I have nothing without therapy.

Ugh, sorry you're struggling with hyperemesis--I've known people who've had that, and it sounds utterly miserable. Sounds just like a lack of empathy/understanding on his part regarding that. I wonder if it would help if you provided him with an article on what hyperemesis can be like?

Something I appreciate about my therapist during COVID is that he has been pretty open about his concerns about that, the precautions he's taking, etc. And he's also been open about political feelings/concerns (he already knew mine were very similar to his). He's not a T that generally self-discloses much, but knowing he has similar struggles right now has helped considerably.

You mention he's male without any children. I wonder if he at some point wanted children, but it never worked out to have any? Don't know his age, but if he's, say, 50 or older, may figure they're no longer in the cards for him. So maybe it's difficult for him dealing with a client who's pregnant? That does not at all excuse how he's acting, but could explain some things maybe? Of course, that's not something you could really ask about...

However, you could bring up the fact that he's seemed less empathetic lately, and how that's difficult for you.
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Default Jan 14, 2021 at 02:01 PM
  #11
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Ugh, sorry you're struggling with hyperemesis--I've known people who've had that, and it sounds utterly miserable. Sounds just like a lack of empathy/understanding on his part regarding that. I wonder if it would help if you provided him with an article on what hyperemesis can be like?
Aw thank you, it's a relief to see that you know about Hyperemesis! Feel like I'm going crazy because no one around me understands it.

My T and his wife are passed the childbearing age, but I have no idea if he's wanted children.

I did link a video about Hyperemesis where he could see it earlier, so fingers crossed it gives him a better understanding of what I'm going through.

If he's still weird next session, I will ask him what's going on and see what he says.
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 03:19 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostislost View Post
Thank you, yes I think any sudden change can affect the therapy. He is male and doesnt have children. I am pregnant and suffering from hyperemesis, which he doesn't understand or research at all. I told him last session how I felt like I was dying from the sickness! He replied that I 'looked ok'. Wtf is that supposed to mean. Why doesn't he care like he used to.

I get what you guys mean about therapists being anxious about covid, politics etc but I really think they should be honest about it. They are meant to have learned coping strategies and have supervision - I have nothing without therapy.

I certainly don't know for sure, but it sure sounds like the dude has issues around pregnancy.

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