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emmaleemochizuki
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 03:27 PM
  #1
So I have been seeing my current T for nearly three years now. I have spent the past half year trying to look for a new one as I moved away for university, we have been seeing each other online so right now is not a problem, but when the pandemic is over and when we resume face to face, it will be so that's why I have been trying look for someone more locally.

I have spoke to probably at least ten therapist recently, but none of them felt right. I don't if it's because I got used to the way I worked with my current T so anything different felt very uneasy. It took me a long time to get use to my current T but I supposed I stuck with it cos I didn't have anyone else, but we now finally reached the stage where it is actually working, which is something I never experienced with anybody else. I have a certain attachment to her, cos it took me so long to tell her what I have told her so far, and she understands me, and I feel comfortable with the way she works with me. I don't have if that level of attachment is effecting me to work with someone else different, or accept a different style of working.

I know I trust her now, and feel safe enough to talk, which has been very hard to achieve, I suppose that's possibly too with another therapist, but it's just so hard for me to let anybody in.

Any insight guys?
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 03:54 PM
  #2
Dear emmaleemochizuki,

Staying with a current therapist or getting a new one can be so difficult and stressful. It is so hard to know what to do so that the best possible outcome will occur. As with all matters that pertain to the future, uncertainly seems inevitable.

My English is not very good but my understanding is that you will not be able to see your current therapist in the future because she is not local. Not sure what distances are involved. If distance prevents you from continuing to see your therapist after the pandemic has subsided, I am not sure what options are available to you other than getting a new therapist and going through the process of finding a new one who is a good match for you. Have I understood you correctly or am I mistaken?

I have lost good therapists due to moving and other factors. In my case, it was not possible to have a good selection of replacements because of where I live. The available number of therapists was quite limited. Not sure about your situation in this regard.
It sounds like you are a very insightful, diligent and thorough person. Those are all virtues and can only help you in your search in my opinion. The situation is not ideal and is in many ways quite unfortunate but I don't know what alternatives you have that you have not already mentioned in your post.

Sometimes an ideal substitute for a person is elusive. Often we have to settle for less than ideal situations. That is not to deny that sometimes this is heartbreaking. I wish I had the knowledge, experience and wisdom to be able to advise you, but sadly I lack those traits. Hopefully others here on the Forum will prove more helpful to you. It sounds like this situation is generating a lot of inner conflict in you and I am so very, very sorry for that if that situation is the case. Wish I knew what to say to be helpful.

I do want to wish you the very best in the future. I hope the future situation is better or at very least tolerable for you. I am so sorry you are in this unhappy situation!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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emmaleemochizuki
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 04:26 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
Dear emmaleemochizuki,

Staying with a current therapist or getting a new one can be so difficult and stressful. It is so hard to know what to do so that the best possible outcome will occur. As with all matters that pertain to the future, uncertainly seems inevitable.

My English is not very good but my understanding is that you will not be able to see your current therapist in the future because she is not local. Not sure what distances are involved. If distance prevents you from continuing to see your therapist after the pandemic has subsided, I am not sure what options are available to you other than getting a new therapist and going through the process of finding a new one who is a good match for you. Have I understood you correctly or am I mistaken?

I have lost good therapists due to moving and other factors. In my case, it was not possible to have a good selection of replacements because of where I live. The available number of therapists was quite limited. Not sure about your situation in this regard.
It sounds like you are a very insightful, diligent and thorough person. Those are all virtues and can only help you in your search in my opinion. The situation is not ideal and is in many ways quite unfortunate but I don't know what alternatives you have that you have not already mentioned in your post.

Sometimes an ideal substitute for a person is elusive. Often we have to settle for less than ideal situations. That is not to deny that sometimes this is heartbreaking. I wish I had the knowledge, experience and wisdom to be able to advise you, but sadly I lack those traits. Hopefully others here on the Forum will prove more helpful to you. It sounds like this situation is generating a lot of inner conflict in you and I am so very, very sorry for that if that situation is the case. Wish I knew what to say to be helpful.

I do want to wish you the very best in the future. I hope the future situation is better or at very least tolerable for you. I am so sorry you are in this unhappy situation!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
Thank you Yao Wen.

Your English is brilliant, assuming from your name you are from China? Correct me if I'm wrong. I am actually fluent in both Mandarin and Cantonese, I also speak Japanese which is technically my first language, and of course English, I would say my English is probably the best of them all. It will be so nice to know what therapies are like in a different country rather than the western world, so will love to hear more from you.

Your insight was very valuable. I guess I was willing to make the trip even if it's not within my local area. It's really one hour journey, so it's not that bad. And I guess that's probably also why I was very lenient with idea of other therapists, because I don't absolute have to see someone new.

I guess you are right. These situations never are perfect. And I should consider working with something not perfect. It actually made me think a bit, because when I started with her 3 years ago, it didn't felt 100% right to begin with, but we got on. So it's always worth just giving somebody that opportunity for he or she to get to know me, and for me to get use to working with a new style.

But thank you for your answer. Really appreciate it.
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 05:47 PM
  #4
It makes perfect sense to me that you would feel more comfortable with your T of three years than with someone you've only just met, especially if it generally takes you a while to warm up to people and be open with them. I don't think this indicates an unhealthy attachment to your T at all.
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 09:26 PM
  #5
Oh, wow. Picking up with a new therapist after 3 good years with a T you're close to...sounds very challenging. All I can think of is to choose the one that seems better than the others (even if s/he doesn't seem as good as your current T) and go from there.

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