[RainbowSadness]

Yep, he refused to have our session today. A little background, I'm an 18-year-old high school senior. I dropped out for a couple of years then decided to come back so I'm extremely behind on credits. I take 8 classes, not including lunch and I also have health issues so lots of doctor's appointments. My schedule is extremely busy.

My 8th period just got added on suddenly yesterday and the start of the class was the exact time of my T telehealth appointment. After greeting each other, I let him know that I was in a new class but that it wasn't live participation and I just needed to see where the assignments for the class were listed real quick. I wasn't going to do any during our session, just wanted to know where everything was.

The session came to an instant halt when I said that and he complained that I wouldn't be able to focus on the session (it took me a few minutes to find where the assignments were posted) and that we needed to reschedule. I told him that I did not have time in my schedule anytime soon to reschedule the session to and he kept throwing timeslots out there like my words were falling on death ears. After 15 wasted minutes of back and forth, the call ended with me having no session and no rescheduled session either.

He told me he will be in touch with me next week but I'm honestly angry now. He canceled my session for the week cause he was worried I'd be distracted so then there was no session at all. I don't see how that makes any sense. I've been in a bad place and have needed him and he refused my session over something so bizarre and petty. I'm not a fan of doubling things up but either but you have to do what you have to do. Business hours only stretch so far. If I had the time to not have to double up, I wouldn't, this feels like him inadvertently saying I don't know how to manage my time and like he doesn't believe that my schedule is as packed as I'm saying it is.

Anyway, this was just a rant post. I'll probably be over it soon or my therapist and I will talk it out once we eventually have time to speak to each other again. You are all amazing and beautiful, stay healthy during these chaotic times <3

I am sorry this happened to you, especially at a time when you needed it most. I hope you can get something sorted out soon, in the meantime do keep reaching out here... we do care!

[Rive.]

Wow, what is his problem?! I don't think I would have rescheduled anything if my T did something like that to me.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Hopefully, you will figure out a designated time for therapy that doesn't conflict with school so you can get scheduled.

[atisketatasket]

Although I wouldn’t have done what he did and lost my temper, I can see his point of view as well as yours. It looked like you were wasting the time he’d set aside specifically for you and were devaluing therapy. That wasn’t what you were doing, as you say, but if you discuss this further with him I’d make that clear.

[Gettingitsoon]

Im sorry this happened to you.

I think the remote telehealth format causes miscommunications more likely than in person sessions.
While in person, Ive rarely had to step out in mid session to take an urgent medical or family call. Made it quick and T was understanding. Not sure how it would go during a remote session. It might be more disruptive to the session?

I hope you can get the care you need.

[RainbowSadness]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Hopefully, you will figure out a designated time for therapy that doesn't conflict with school so you can get scheduled.

I thank you for taking the time to reply but that kind of goes back to assuming that I have more time than I do and that the issue is with me not knowing how to manage my schedule. It's not that, it's simply that I just have an overflowing schedule and all of it is important. Double booking is inevitable to an extent. Therapy is a necessity but so are school and medical appointments. Again, though, I appreciate your input.

[RainbowSadness]

Thank you for the validating words, everyone. This actually happened a few days ago but I just now got around to posting the rant I had typed up. Tomorrow is Monday so we'll probably get back in touch then. I was shocked about what happened because it seemed insensitive which was out of his character, he didn't even check if I was okay first and he knows I've been having some not so bright thoughts. Hopefully, we can come to an understanding and prevent a rupture like his from happening again in the future. Part of me wants to shut down after this because I feel rejected, but I know that won't get anywhere productive. I do realistically think it was wrong of him to refuse the session so abruptly and I think I will want an apology but I am also fragile right now and am probably being more emotional about it than warranted.

[divine1966]

That’s crazy. This class was added unexpectedly. Perhaps you were driven by anxiety and had to see what’s assigned right away. What’s the big deal?

He could stay in a session with you and use session time to discuss how to help you with a difficult school load and how to help you manage all this. Instead he just ended it. Unless it’s true miscommunication he is off base cancelling on you. I commend you for going back to school and trying despite number of challenges. I’d tell him that you need his help not him adding more stress to your life.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by RainbowSadness

I thank you for taking the time to reply but that kind of goes back to assuming that I have more time than I do and that the issue is with me not knowing how to manage my schedule. It's not that, it's simply that I just have an overflowing schedule and all of it is important. Double booking is inevitable to an extent. Therapy is a necessity but so are school and medical appointments. Again, though, I appreciate your input.

Actually, I wasn't assuming that at all. I was just saying I hope you can find a designated time for therapy that works for both of you. Sorry if you took it as some sort of criticism. Truly it wasn't meant that way at all. If you are learning virtually (I think that is what you were saying but I'm not sure), you could probably contact the instructor and let them know. Depending on the state/district, etc., there is often some leeway on when and how we take attendance so that you get credit if you are remote/virtual. Unless live attendance is required at a specific time, your teacher will probably be able to work around it.

[Rive.]

Several times, T (or I) asked the other to wait a sec while we went and did something. That has never been an issue. IF T threw a hissy fit because of that, it wouldn't sit well with me.

You just wanted to check something. What is the big deal. I think your T exaggerated and 'punished' you because you wouldn't obediently sit with him at the exact appointed time. I am shocked he would just cancel on you like that, for such a trivial reason. He has issues or at the very least, he clearly had issues that day.

It sounds frustrating that T did this. For what it's worth, I could see my T doing something similar. My T doesn't play in terms of conflicting obligations particularly when it's something like work, school or health. He wouldn't support me not filling or partially filling another obligation I made in order to meet with him. I think it's like he won't allow our meetings to be a reason I don't attend to my life in ways I would if we met another time. For me that was a lesson I didn't want to learn but it is one of his boundaries. Later I have found it to be useful.

[RainbowSadness]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Actually, I wasn't assuming that at all. I was just saying I hope you can find a designated time for therapy that works for both of you. Sorry if you took it as some sort of criticism. Truly it wasn't meant that way at all. If you are learning virtually (I think that is what you were saying but I'm not sure), you could probably contact the instructor and let them know. Depending on the state/district, etc., there is often some leeway on when and how we take attendance so that you get credit if you are remote/virtual. Unless live attendance is required at a specific time, your teacher will probably be able to work around it.

It really is okay, I'm just fragile right now, and being autistic I often take social cues out of context if they aren't super direct. I ended up having a nervous breakdown and calling a teacher terrible so that was yikes. I'm an easy boat to rock right now, sadly.

[RainbowSadness]

Update: It's the week after and I still haven't heard from him. I ended up having a nervous breakdown, called a teacher terrible, and emailed another teacher of mine a huge rant where I mentioned that I had to sleep with a wet blanket cause I was crying so much (I am humiliated about this now). I have no idea what's going on with him, he knows I've been unstable lately and it's strange that he hasn't been reaching out. He works under an agency and does have a supervisor who he talks about my case with, the only thing I can think of is that his supervisor has advised him to back off for now. I'm not sure why his supervisor would do that but considering this is all out of my T's character, I can't really think of anything else. He seemed concerned for me and then he just disappeared out of thin air. I guess I don't want to believe he's just ignoring me cause I will be incredibly heartbroken if that is the case. I just hope he comes back in contact with me soon, I need him more than I ever have before right now.

[RainbowSadness]

Originally Posted by Rive.

Several times, T (or I) asked the other to wait a sec while we went and did something. That has never been an issue. IF T threw a hissy fit because of that, it wouldn't sit well with me.

You just wanted to check something. What is the big deal. I think your T exaggerated and 'punished' you because you wouldn't obediently sit with him at the exact appointed time. I am shocked he would just cancel on you like that, for such a trivial reason. He has issues or at the very least, he clearly had issues that day.

I've had to wait for my T to do things as well. Sometimes even big things like he was supposed to come by my house once cause he needed me to sign a document, he decided not to come that day and didn't tell me. I had to spend all day at home waiting for someone who had decided much earlier they weren't showing up. It was frustrating but I had to remain civil about it because they will terminate clients who 'act out' towards the therapists. I definitely feel in the therapy world there's a bit of a double standard. T's always have super strict boundaries but often feel they don't have to pay the same respects to their clients. I also agree that it seems something has been off with him lately, I wish I knew what. I just wish he would say something, anything, to me. There's a rupture being created that's growing every day as he continues to be contactless with me. He's left me in a huge pit of anxiety not knowing why he's acting the way he is, I think I'm afraid I might about to be getting terminated which would be horrible for me right now.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by RainbowSadness

Update: It's the week after and I still haven't heard from him. I ended up having a nervous breakdown, called a teacher terrible, and emailed another teacher of mine a huge rant where I mentioned that I had to sleep with a wet blanket cause I was crying so much (I am humiliated about this now). I have no idea what's going on with him, he knows I've been unstable lately and it's strange that he hasn't been reaching out. He works under an agency and does have a supervisor who he talks about my case with, the only thing I can think of is that his supervisor has advised him to back off for now. I'm not sure why his supervisor would do that but considering this is all out of my T's character, I can't really think of anything else. He seemed concerned for me and then he just disappeared out of thin air. I guess I don't want to believe he's just ignoring me cause I will be incredibly heartbroken if that is the case. I just hope he comes back in contact with me soon, I need him more than I ever have before right now.

I'm so sorry...have you tried reaching out to him at all? I hope you hear from him soon.

[Rive.]

i am sorry you are in so much pain RainbowSadness.

Frankly, I am angry at your T for letting you down, esp when he knows you are struggling. Again. And not for the first time. This is not professional. I don't want to make matters worse for you but he only seems to show that he can't be counted on.

Is he also the T who rang your bell once and then just left in a huff, before anyone could open the door?

[iGottaBme]

It is easy to jump to conclusions especially when we are hurt. Please call your T. Most Ts will not call on their own. In fact, some agencies even forbid it.

I think that you are misdirecting the hurt and anger that you have towards your T to your teachers. Nothing good will come of that. Your emotions are getting in the way. So please, call your therapist and set up an appointment!

Yes, there is a double-standard when it comes to therapists. Glad that you know that so hopefully, you will not take their behavior personally. Yes, you were not ready to be present for your session and that annoyed your T. To me, it is like having a person text someone while sitting at the table with me. The text may be important, but that person is not being present and it is irritating.

My T used to get annoyed when I took a phone call from my children during my session. The call was usually to let me know where they were and when I could expect them. I always took their call and she always got annoyed. She presented it as not being able to take time only for myself. Not sure that I believe that. I think that she didn't want it to get in the way of our work.

[RainbowSadness]

Another update: I've finally given in and texted him to ask what's going on so I'm waiting on a response to that. My school ended up being so concerned about the email I sent that I got 9 phone calls within an hour including from the vice principal. I had to assure them I was okay and heading to bed. I think they were about to welfare check me if I didn't say something quick. My main teacher left me a voicemail saying that I'm smart and that she hopes I don't give up which is sweet. It's even sadder to me, though, that everyone but my T has reached out to me at this point. Especially people who have no obligation to care about my mental health. There's going to be a tough rupture to fix after this whole ordeal if we even continue the therapeutic relationship after this.

[Taylor27]

I really hope you hear back from him. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone

[SalingerEsme]

I’m worried about you, and bewildered by your therapist not communicating. As an adult twice your age, I still get very panicked if my therapist sends me ambiguous or , to me, unilateral communication or lack thereof. Can you look in Psychology Today online, and interview a few other therapists even if you end up not needing them? What are ways you can empower yourself to get your needs met without your T?