[emmaleemochizuki]

I think we all at some point wants to know about what our therapist life is like outside the therapy room. but how much is it appropriate for a therapist to share about themselves?

therapeutic relationships are very different to friendships but I think sometimes it makes it very inhumane if our therapist knows a lot about us but we know nothing about them. maybe there is a medium. I know some therapist share more and some therapist don't share even just a little depending on how they work.

I think it will actually help me more if I know more about my therapist, in our first year working together I hardly know anything about her, not even by the way she look, she was very professional, and she only had a few sets of clothes she wore to work and most of them were black. I found it hard to open up to her, everything felt so distant, and at times it felt like I was talking to a robot not a human being.

But since we have been having sessions online, and she's working from home that changed. Her style changed a little too, and it actually helped. I still don't know much about her, but I do know a bit more. She actually prefers to wear more colourful clothes not just all black, and she has a dog, I can see part of her home from a video but it helps me understand a bit what kind of a person she is. And she shared a bit about her training, and her experience, it mattered me to because I am also training, it helps to assure me what I'm doing. I guess that level of sharing is appropriate.

What have your therapist shared with you about themselves? And did you think it was appropriate?

[prettymccute]

That's an interesting question. I imagine a therapist is more relaxed at home. Being in an office does give you a "feel" that you are in a professional place, so you act more professional, you would be more relaxed at home.

I won't be surprised if it's found to be that a lot is learned by the pandemic. I think it will be found that many things can be handled by at home telecommunication, and therapy might be one of them if the therapist and their client are open to it.

It is helpful to know who your therapist is, but I'm no good at an answer to that question. I've had them go both ways. One therapist helped me very much, and got very upset when I sent her a flower to thank her. We were only in a professional situation. I've had others that accepted gifts. One told me what you had to do if you owned a beach house, and wanted to know who I was rooting for on American Idol. It's a weird line. I think they all have their own methods of what's appropriate. It really is finding who works for you, and that can be hard and frustrating. I've found ones that I like, and then have them move. That REALLY aggravates me.

[ArtleyWilkins]

All of the therapists I worked with long-term were pretty open about their families, interests, outside activities, etc. I never saw it as too much or over-sharing; it wasn't. Honestly, I didn't give it much thought; it just seemed quite natural. They had family photos and personal items in their offices just like I do in my classroom. We chatted a bit most days about small things - seems completely normal to me. It wasn't some big deal. (I have never had issues of transference so that was a complete non-factor.)

I fairly quickly left a few therapists that, I realize now, were rather blank slate. I found them lacking in any sort of personality - like talking to a wall. Not my thing.

[stopdog]

They both told me more than I cared about. It was nothing horrible or anything -more just pointless. Their personal life or choices or likes or dislikes had nothing to do with what I was trying to find out.

[Lostislost]

I guess it depends on the client. Some people don't care, some really do...I am one of the ones that can't know enough about my T!

When I was growing up I always felt like people in my family hid their true selves from me (or from themselves even) and I never understood it. Even the people I was closest to, I know very little about them.

I am definitely curious about everything, so I don't think my T could ever tell me too much about himself.

[Mountaindewed]

I have found out in my years of being in therapy and treatment that the less questions you ask, the more stuff you will be told.

[Brown Owl 2]

My first therapist shared virtually nothing, and I think I experienced that as a rejection, and maybe a re-enactment of my childhood where my mother was distant. It also felt like the T was wielding power in her choice not to disclose anything to me. Other T’s have shared things with me including that they have children, where they went for trips, emotions,it felt helpful..

[SarahSweden]

I think disclosure can both ruin and build a therapeutic relationship. The therapist needs to be highly qualified to decide how much to share or not. Some just share random things and they don´t know how it´ll actually affect their clients and can´t handle it afterwards.

As several people write here on PC, there are also blank slate T:s who harm the relationship by being stoic and impersonal. Unless the T is very familiar with handling transference and knows disclosure will often lead to feelings of jealousy, sadness and so on within the client, the T should share very little.

The relationship easily get infected by the therapist´s personal stories and the client ends up not knowing what to do with all the information or how to act towards the therapist.

My therapist has shared a lot with me over the years. I have always been ok with it. There is one area of her life i have told her i dont want to know about . So she has always respected that.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm okay with her sharing anything with me except anything to do with her other clients. My jealousy runs deep there, so it's best not to trigger that. She has shared a lot with me and none of it has bothered me.

[nottrustin]

For me personal disclosure to a degree is important. Knowing them and that they are humans who are not perfect are essential to my ability to trust them. I harshly judge myself knowing them and their imperfections make some feel like they are less likely to judge me.

When I first started seeing Emdr T we were moving too fast I told her I needed to back up and get to know her better in order to build trust. She was accepting of that and we did what I needed. She frequently talks about her personal and how it relates to our discussion.

I met with one EMDR T who overshared in our one and only appointment. I felt like the appointment was all about her.

Ling term T also shared a lot of the years but again it was related to what we were discussing.

[East17]

I used to think a certain amount of disclosure on T's part was important in helping to build trust, I do like to have a 'sense' of the other person.
The danger I think, comes when a T shares a little too much about their life and their feelings towards their client, then realises they've overstepped the boundary somewhat and does a U-turn in how they speak to and behave toward the client going forward. It leads to a lot of confusion and misunderstandings and can be a nightmare to sort out.