[SarahSweden]

I become more and more disappointed with my counselor and I realise it's because I feel she ignores important parts of me and treats me like an acquaintance rather than a whole person to listen to and understand.

She's not a therapist and I've accepted that but she never tries to understand any emotional sides of what I talk about. I don't have any option to switch counselors.

Today after session a cute little dog was in the waiting room, belonging to her next patient. My counselor like rushed to the dog and I stayed a little to pet the dog. My counselor suddenly took the dog and went into another room to show
it to her colleague. Her other patient had already entered the room and waited for session.

My counselor acts way too much as if she was at home and if I visited her just for fun. I appreciate that not everything has to be about mental illness but she shows very little understanding about how I feel. Her acting like this with the dog, meeting with other patients, hearing about her family life can be and sometimes is very triggering to me. And I can't talk about anything of it because my counselor doesn't have a clue about such things.

I felt very empty and frustrated after session because of her ignorant way of talking to me during session.

[Lostislost]

Eugh I'm sorry she's like that, it doesn't sound nice at all. The way she took the dog and left you and her other client waiting just sounds unprofessional.

I believe a lot of the healing in counseling sessions has lots to do with the relationship you have with them, what you are able to talk about and how they listen and respond. I would hate this experience you are having with her too.

I think I've read that you can't access another counselor or therapist at the moment? Do you think she's doing more harm than good?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for your support. Yes, I think that was unprofessional too. After some closer thought about the event with the dog I have some suspicions that the owner of the dog might have been my counselor's daughter.

My counselor didn't really greet this person but just called for the dog and said she had forgotten the dog would be accompanying. My counselor just sat on the floor outside her office to pet the dog and that would be rather strange if the owner of the dog had been her patient.

The dog was a puppy and seemed to have moved from a kennel to it's family very recently and by that my counselor can't have met this dog that many times to be so familiar with it so she takes the dog to another room to show it to her colleague. But if this person is her daughter that explains why.

I know my counselor has daughters and that at least one of them has a dog so this person who visited could be of them.

Also, her "client" just entered the room without saying anything and normally you wait for the personnel to welcome you into the room. The office door was open but still.

It's of course triggering to me even if I understand my counselor doesn't plan for it to be. I don't think family members nor pets should be allowed to visit in such a way that they risk meeting with patients.

Originally Posted by Lostislost

Eugh I'm sorry she's like that, it doesn't sound nice at all. The way she took the dog and left you and her other client waiting just sounds unprofessional.

I believe a lot of the healing in counseling sessions has lots to do with the relationship you have with them, what you are able to talk about and how they listen and respond. I would hate this experience you are having with her too.

I think I've read that you can't access another counselor or therapist at the moment? Do you think she's doing more harm than good?

[here today]

I'm so sorry that you are having so many frustrations and disappointments with this counselor.

It seems good that you realize/know the reasons -- that you feel she ignores important parts of you and does not treat you like a whole person. And that there are often things that she says and does that are triggering to you, and that you feel empty and frustrated after your sessions.

I wonder -- and know that I may be way off base on this, so please toss this idea aside if it doesn't seem to fit -- are there people from your past who also ignored important parts of you and did not treat you like a whole person?

I know you can't change counselors and don't have an option for another kind of treatment, certainly nothing for trauma like EMDR. What I'm suggesting is that in addition to being disappointed and frustrated with your counselor for reasons relating to her own behavior and attitudes there may also be an element of transference. There may be traumas from your past that you don't entirely remember, or feelings associated with events that you remember, but not the feelings. But that was my situation and your situation may be entirely different. But if that is a possibility, and if your counselor can't help you with that -- as my last therapist couldn't help me with mine because of her own issues or something -- then maybe you can try to make some observations on your own, within yourself, about the kinds of things that trigger you, how that feels, and what that may be about? I don't know if that makes any sense. And it may not help any. Just a thought, though.

[Lostislost]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

It's of course triggering to me even if I understand my counselor doesn't plan for it to be. I don't think family members nor pets should be allowed to visit in such a way that they risk meeting with patients.

I agree with you, I find it uncomfortable to even cross paths with my Ts clients before or after a session. If it was his family I think I would really struggle with that.

One of the difficult things here is that your counselor isn't able to talk to you about these type of things, so it doesn't seem like there's a way to work through it? That would leave me feeling stuck.

Are there things she does help with? If you are stuck with her for now, maybe just use her for what she is good at, and be aware of all the things she's terrible at. Know it isn't your fault she is emotionally unavailable. There are loads of counselors/ therapists I have seen that could never have helped me, we were just too different.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks here today.

I cant really see any clear connection between the past and now and me feeling ignored and not treated like a whole person. I guess my parents weren´t that attentive to my feelings but not to such an extent that I would call it neglect.

Yes, as my parents divorced when I was a teenager perhaps there is some trauma component in all this. I think I experienced it as more traumatic than I actually remember and I also think their divorce is partly why I´ve never been in a relationship myself.

I think is valuable to do some own observations as you mention. I often think about how my feelings might be connected to something in the past and my parents' divorce can be such an event.

The situation with the dog and my counselor´s "client", perhaps daughter, is though still inappropriate as she shouldn´t mix her private life with her working life in such a way that her clients risk meeting with her relatives. Staff working within psychiatric care should understand how this can be triggering.

It seems good that you realize/know the reasons -- that you feel she ignores important parts of you and does not treat you like a whole person. And that there are often things that she says and does that are triggering to you, and that you feel empty and frustrated after your sessions.

I wonder -- and know that I may be way off base on this, so please toss this idea aside if it doesn't seem to fit -- are there people from your past who also ignored important parts of you and did not treat you like a whole person?

I know you can't change counselors and don't have an option for another kind of treatment, certainly nothing for trauma like EMDR. What I'm suggesting is that in addition to being disappointed and frustrated with your counselor for reasons relating to her own behavior and attitudes there may also be an element of transference. There may be traumas from your past that you don't entirely remember, or feelings associated with events that you remember, but not the feelings. But that was my situation and your situation may be entirely different. But if that is a possibility, and if your counselor can't help you with that -- as my last therapist couldn't help me with mine because of her own issues or something -- then maybe you can try to make some observations on your own, within yourself, about the kinds of things that trigger you, how that feels, and what that may be about? I don't know if that makes any sense. And it may not help any. Just a thought, though.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. No, as she isn´t a therapist she doesn´t understand what´s beneath the surface so to speak. She can handle everyday things and practical matters but nothing deeper than that.

I stick with her because I like her as a person, at least to some extent, and because I need her to get my sick leave. I need to be in some kind of "care" even if that care isn´t helping me.

Originally Posted by Lostislost

I agree with you, I find it uncomfortable to even cross paths with my Ts clients before or after a session. If it was his family I think I would really struggle with that.

One of the difficult things here is that your counselor isn't able to talk to you about these type of things, so it doesn't seem like there's a way to work through it? That would leave me feeling stuck.

Are there things she does help with? If you are stuck with her for now, maybe just use her for what she is good at, and be aware of all the things she's terrible at. Know it isn't your fault she is emotionally unavailable. There are loads of counselors/ therapists I have seen that could never have helped me, we were just too different.